


light.

by fandomsnthings



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Apotheosis doesn’t happen, Baby Fic, F/M, Happy Ending, Paul and Emma meet on their own, What else is new, through beanies yknow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 49,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsnthings/pseuds/fandomsnthings
Summary: Emma hasn’t been telling Paul the whole truth, and she hopes it isn’t enough to make him run away.(Not that it hasn’t been every single time before.)-or-Emma’s adventures in single motherhood get thrown awry when she meets Paul, in the best way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I wasn’t going to publish this but someone on tumblr told me to so I’m going to. I have this written as a one shot that isn’t even remotely over, so it’s currently over 20,000 words. I’m gonna be updating periodically different parts to make chapters. 
> 
> Also the characters may seem a bit ooc (especially Emma) and that’s because they probably are but yknow i wrote this to entertain myself without the plan to publish it so it’s  
okay. 
> 
> It also barely has a plot, so look at it as a series of one-shots in chronological order.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (Also I’m starkid trash and have several other fanfics started so those may come your way too.)

"Paul, I have to tell you something." 

Emma had never been so nervous before in her life. She hadn't been in this serious a relationship in years. 

Her and Paul had been a handful of official dates so far, spanning over a couple of months. She really liked him. She didn't want to screw it up. 

But she knew that if she kept this secret any longer, it would hurt them more in the long run. If he was going to run, it would hurt less if he did it sooner. 

She had never told someone she had gone out with this before, and she really didn't know how he would react. 

"Hit me," Paul said, setting the bowl of popcorn they had been eating out of onto his coffee table. 

When she looked up at his face from her hands, she saw a small smile on his face. She couldn't tell if it was intended to comfort her, or if he didn't understand the gravity of the situation. 

She continued nonetheless.

"Well, uh, after I tell you this you're probably not gonna want to see me anymore, so I might as well pull off the bandaid, huh?" The woman rambled nervously, eyes skirting around to avoid Paul's piercing blue ones. 

"Emma, are you alright?" Paul questioned, continuing after she nodded stiffly, "Nothing you could say could make me not want to see you again. I promise you that." 

"Okay," Emma said, not really believing him but putting on a face of faux relief anyway. 

"So, um, I have a kid." 

Paul slightly choked on the water he was in the process of swallowing when she spoke, but he tried to hide it quickly. He didn't want her to feel more anxious than she already did. 

She noticed it, though, and it made her heart plummet. 

"Really?" He spluttered slightly.

Emma nodded, her cheeks blushing with embarrassment."Yeah. Her name is Aubrey. Well, technically- wait, no- biologically, she's my niece. But I'm her mom," she said, stumbling over her words slightly.

Paul didn't say anything, so she continued, "My older sister, Jane, and her husband were in a car accident four years ago. They didn't make it." Paul reached forward and grabbed one of her hands, squeezing it softly.

"I was backpacking when I got the call that they had died, and that they had in their will that if anything happened to them, they wanted me to have custody of Aubrey. Jane had even written me a letter saying that she wanted me to be her mom if something happened. Which still doesn't make any sense to me, because I had no money and no roots and I hadn't even met her yet," she shook her head as if to clear it. 

"She was only a few months old when they died. I immediately flew back to Hatchetfield. I couldn't just say no. I had said no too many times before, I wasn't going to again," she said regretfully.

"When I got here, I met her at the CPS office. She was the best thing I had ever seen," Emma said, a small smile gracing her face at the memory. "I moved into their house, got a job, and enrolled in community college after a couple of years. Everything I do now is for her. I want to give her a good life. Jane obviously entrusted me to do it, I have to do right by her." 

When she lifted her eyes from her hands to his face, she found a shellshocked look. Her eyebrows furrowed in a mixture of sadness and frustration. Aubrey was the greatest four-year-old on the planet, and she wished that someone in her life would give her a chance, "Paul?" 

She willed him to say something, anything that would show some kind of reaction to the situation. She wanted him to say something to stop the cracks in her heart from forming. But he didn't. 

"I-I guess I'll be going, then. I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't accept my daughter. I'm sorry," Emma stood from her place on the sofa, quickly grabbing her bag and jacket off of the back of it. 

"Wait, Emma, no," Paul snapped out of it and stood up quickly, taking the objects from her hands and placing them on the floor. He took her hands in his again. 

"I was just a little taken off guard is all," he reassured. "Can I see a picture of her?" 

Emma's shoulders relaxed a little, her hope of a further relationship with Paul restored, "Yeah, of course." 

She shakily pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her lockscreen, turning it to face him. The picture was one of the cutest things he had ever seen; Emma was holding a little girl, their faces squished together cheek to cheek. They both had matching sunglasses on, and their smiles were so wide and bright he thought they could blind him. Aubrey had brown, curly hair that was pulled into pigtails with bows, and her dimples were the sweetest things. 

Emma noticed the small smile that had made its way onto Paul's face as he looked at the photo, feeling more and more relieved by the second. "She's the best thing ever," she gushed softly, "I love her so much."

Without warning, Paul pulled her into a hug. She was shocked, but she reciprocated, folding her arms around him and burying her head in his chest. 

"I'm glad you were comfortable enough to tell me," he murmured into her hair. 

"Thanks for not freaking out. I really like you, Paul, and I don't think I want to lose you." 

"Me too." 

Emma pulled away after another moment, smiling up at him with slightly teary eyes. 

"I better be getting home to her. She doesn't fall asleep if I don't say goodnight after the babysitter leaves, and it's getting late," she sniffled, gathering her things once again and walking towards the door next to Paul. 

They stopped before the exit, and Paul leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. She blushed again, this time out of adoration. 

He pulled open the door and she smiled as she walked through, stopping in her tracks and turning around when she heard his voice.

"Hey Emma?"

"Yeah?" 

"You seem like a really great mom. I'd love to meet her some time," Paul said, his smile genuine. 

Emma nodded, all of her doubts washing away in an instant. She never thought she was good enough for Aubrey. 

But maybe she was.  
——  
"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"

Aubrey, pajama-clad but bright eyed and bushy tailed, jumped into the awaiting arms of Emma, wrapping her little arms tightly around her neck and hanging on as the woman returned to full height. 

It was getting harder and harder for Emma to lift the girl up, so she wanted to do it as much as she could. She would miss it. 

"Hey, baby girl," Emma greeted, waving goodbye to the babysitter as she made her way out of the house, "Shouldn't you be in bed, little miss?" 

"I was waiting for you, Mommy. Where were you?" The four year old questioned, giggling as she was carried into her purple bedroom and plopped down onto her flowered comforter. 

"I was at a friend's house," Emma answered simply, tucking the child into her blankets before kneeling down beside the bed. 

"Oooo," Aubrey marveled, eyes sparking mischievously, "Was it a date?" 

"Maybe," Emma teased back, brushing the child's messy hair out of her eyes, "His name is Paul," she said before Aubrey had a chance to ask. 

Aubrey nodded, accepting that that was probably as much as she was going to be able to get out of her mother.

"Goodnight, baby," the woman leaned down and pressed a kiss to Aubrey's forehead.

"Wait, Momma," Aubrey stopped her from standing up, reaching out a tiny hand to play Emma's curly locks. It was something that comforted her ever since she was a baby. 

"Yes?" 

"Is he nice to you? Do you like him a lot?" 

Emma's heart melted a little bit as she pulled the hand out of her hair and pressed a kiss to the chubby palm, making Aubrey giggle. The little girl had seen several brief relationships of Emma's crumble, and was able to tell when her mother was sad and not acting right because of it. Emma would tell her about people one night and never mention them again.

She wanted to do everything her little heart could to protect her mom from those emotions.

"He's very, very nice to me. And I do like him a lot," Emma paused, considering her next words carefully before deciding to just go for it, "He actually wants to meet you. Would you like that?" 

Aubrey nodded eagerly, her eyes bright, "Yes! When? I want to be his friend!"

"I don't know when yet, but I'll work on it, okay? Go to sleep, sweetie. You have pre-school tomorrow, remember?" 

"Okay, Momma. Goodnight. I love you!" the little one said sweetly, smiling softly. 

"I love you too," Emma murmured as she stood up from the floor, back aching from the long shift she had earlier in the day. 

She shuffled out of the room slowly, flicking off the light as she went. She could already hear the much-too-loud snoring coming from the tiny body nestled under the covers. 

As Emma prepared herself for bed, she already felt dread filling her stomach at the thought of waking up for the 5 A.M. shift at Beanies the next day. Aubrey openly disliked waking up to a babysitter instead of her mom, especially when it was one of the three days a week she had to go to preschool. 

The little one had anxiety surrounding going to school and making friends, and the only thing that could remedy it was the presence of Emma or, reluctantly, a quick phone call with her on her morning break. 

The woman gripped the edge her bathroom counter tightly, looking at herself in the mirror with a twinge of some kind of self-deprecation and regret. 

All she wanted to do was stay home with her daughter, cuddle with her in the morning and make her breakfast. She wanted to be there every day to send her off to school and pick her up when she was done. She wished she didn't have a job that lacked so much flexibility and took her away from all the little important moments in Aubrey's life. 

Maybe someday she wouldn't. But until then, she had to keep doing whatever she could to provide for the little girl who was dropped into her life so unexpectedly but at the exact right time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next part, which is set about a week (?) after the first. Again, if anyone is ooc, please just let it happen, b/c I’m aware. Thank you for reading! 
> 
> \- Molly :)

"Hey Emma!"

The barista looked up from where she was fiddling with the one ornery coffee machine, a smile spreading across her face at the sight of the man in a suit.

"Hi Paul." Though she was happy to see him, her voice was tired and raspy like she had been up all night.

"Are you alright?" Paul inquired as Emma reached to prepare his coffee.

"Yeah, it's just, Aubrey had a nightmare last night. She doesn't get them often, but when she does it's awful. It breaks my heart to see her so scared and not able to do anything about it. Last night was particularly bad, she wouldn't stop crying for anything- sorry, I'm rambling," Emma said quickly, looking down as she pressed the lid onto the cup.

"It's okay, I don't mind. Is she better now?"

Emma's heart warmed at his interest in her girl, "Yeah, she eventually went to sleep. I can't say I did, though. I had to wake up at four to get ready for work anyway."

She handed Paul his coffee, murmuring a delighted 'Thank you!' when he pressed a 20 dollar bill into her palm and told her to keep the change.

Suddenly, Emma's phone started ringing from the pocket of her apron. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she took it out to quickly check the caller ID. It was Aubrey's school.

She had already talked to Aubrey on the phone before the girl was dropped off at preschool and everything had seemed fine. Thoughts started to rush through Emma's head at a million miles a minute. Is she hurt? Is she lost? Is she in trouble?

Her heart started pounding as she turned to Zoey, who was organizing pastries and scrolling through Twitter simultaneously and said, "Hey, I need to go outside again. Cover for me, please."

Zoey nodded silently, reluctantly used to the routine, stepping into Emma's place behind the cash register. The shorter woman stepped out from behind the counter, quickly answering her phone and and jogging towards the exit of the establishment, a very confused Paul on her heels.

"Hello?" She spoke, and she could hear her voice shaking.

Aubrey's teacher was on the other end of the call, quickly explaining that the four-year-old had an uncharacteristic meltdown after playing with a group of kids. Emma replied with the story of how their night had gone and asked to speak with her daughter.

_"Hi Mommy_," Aubrey muttered, her voice sounding bitter and sad.

"Baby girl, do you want to tell me why you're having such a tough day?"

"_Some other kids were being mean, that's all. It just made me mad._"

Emma sighed. This wasn't the first time this had happened, and she knew exactly what it was over. She asked anyway, "What were they saying?"

_"Stuff about how I'm a baby because I miss you a lot every day."_

Emma's heart sank. She hated that her daughter was made fun, especially when it had to do with her.

"_But I know that you love me so much, Mommy, because you tell me every day_."

The woman smiled softly, "I love you more than anything."

_"How much longer until you come get me?_" Aubrey whined slightly, her strength only being able to spread so thin.

"Only a couple of hours," Emma replied, glancing down at her watch. Her daughter's sadness made her sad in turn, "I've gotta go back to work, baby, if I want to come get you in time, okay? I miss you and love you so much."

"_Love you too. Bye Mommy_," Aubrey returned to mumbling.

"Bye, sweetie."

Emma pulled the phone away from her ear and hung up quickly, leaning against the brick exterior of Beanie's and letting out a large sigh. Everything in her was telling her to clock out and go scoop the little girl into her arms.

It wasn't until Paul placed a hand on her shoulder that she realized he was still there, "Oh, Paul, sorry."

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she just has a tough time at school is all. She has some separation anxiety. Listen, I have to go back to work, but thank you for stopping by," the woman smiled softly, "It always makes my day better."

"Hey, actually, I have a half day at work today. I was wondering if maybe you and Aubrey would be interested in going to the zoo?" Paul asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Emma's breath hitched at the question, feeling like her heart was going to explode. She was so unbelievably happy that he wanted to get to know Aubrey, and herself, further.

"Yeah, of course! Aubrey would love that and so would I. She gets out of school at noon, so... we could meet you there after that?"

Paul smiled enthusiastically, and she wondered if he expected her to say no, "Great."

He leant down to press a kiss to her cheek, but she immediately turned her head to press her lips against his briefly. He was obviously taken off guard but melted into the kiss, bringing his hand not taken up by his coffee up to rest on her waist.

When she broke away, she leant her forehead against his and whispered, "Thank you so much."

She pulled herself out of his grip and made her way back to the entrance of Beanies, "I have to get back to work. I'm sure you need to do the same. See you later! Aubrey is gonna be so excited."

As she disappeared into the building, Paul felt his heart begin to beat against his ribs quickly.

This whole situation was new, awkward, and unexpected, but something about it felt really right.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a zoo trip and some bonding time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been a while since I've updated, but college is crazy man. This chapter includes a flashback, which is indicated by italics. Again, if anything is ooc, sorry fam.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Molly :)

"Mommy, where is he?"

Aubrey danced around in front of Emma, trying to distract herself from her boredom. Emma, on the other hand, was filled with a mix of anxiety, anger, and fear as she neurotically checked her phone for the time and any texts. She stiffened against the zoo bench when she received a notification, only to relax in disappointment when it wasn't from Paul.

"I'm not sure, sweetie. If he's not here in a few minutes, then we'll start looking around ourselves, alright?"

The little girl nodded in agreement, continuing to chase after bugs and dance slightly when a new song came on over the loudspeakers playing through the zoo.

Paul wasn't one to bail without any warning, especially when they had only made the plans earlier that morning. She began to become worried that maybe he had freaked out and changed his mind at the last minute, or he was hurt, or there was really terrible traffic. He was fifteen minutes late, and it wasn't like him.

She looked up from her lap, disappointment filling her by the second, until a man rushing towards her caught her eye, "Paul!"

She jumped up to greet him, taking in his appearance. He had ditched the suit, instead clad in a t-shirt and shorts looking a lot more comfortable. A pair of sunglasses were set on his head, and a smile was spread across his face.

"Sorry I'm late, Em," he said as he approached, "I had to go home and change, and there was a lot more traffic than I was expecting. Y'know, rush hour."

"That's alright," the woman replied, shrugging slightly before pulling him in for a brief hug.

When she pulled away, she instantly grabbed Aubrey's hand, pulling her away from a ladybug she was examining and towards Paul.

Before Emma could introduce the two, Paul dropped to the ground on one knee to get on Aubrey's level, "Hi, you're Aubrey right? I'm Paul. Your mom has told me a lot about you."

The little girl blushed bashfully, sticking out the hand that wasn't clutching Emma's to shake Paul's already outstretched one, "Hi."

"She's a little shy," Emma interjected apologetically. Aubrey had been so excited when she got picked up from school and was told that they were going to the zoo with Paul. Emma didn't know what had gotten into her.

Paul smiled up at Emma before returning his gaze to the small brunette in front of him, "That's alright. Do you want to show me around the zoo? I haven't been here in a really long time."

At the prospect of a leadership role, Aubrey started bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly, "Yes!" She squealed, grabbing Paul's hand in her own that wasn't occupied by her mother, pulling both adults towards the official entrance, "Me and Momma come to the zoo lots, because I love animals! Momma says one day we'll be able to go to Disney World or somewhere like that, but for now she says this'll do the trick until we can. And it does!"

Paul shot an amused look towards Emma, who rolled her eyes in response.

The small brunette guided the two adults through the zoo with care, stopping at every exhibit and giving at least one fact about each animal. Emma had her practice her reading skills on some of the signs that outlined the animals, and the woman's heart swelled with pride every time the child mastered a sentence.

"She's the smartest kid I've ever met, that's for sure," Paul murmured to Emma when Aubrey was occupied, leaning on the railing and gazing into the lemur exhibit. His hand brushed against Emma's, and she grasped his fingers slightly in hers.

"She's pretty awesome," Emma replied happily, "Animals are her thing. So much so that instead of bedtime stories, I read her an animal encyclopedia most nights. She teaches me things I could never imagine. Random facts and deep life lessons, all in one."

Aubrey pointed at the animals in wonder, looking back at the two adults, her eyes bright, "Look at their tails, Paul! Did you know they can't grab things with them like monkeys can?"

"I didn't know that! That's pretty interesting," Paul called back. Aubrey's head immediately turned back towards the enclosure as soon as he responded.

"She likes you. She doesn't warm up to people quickly at all."

Paul nodded quickly and smiled, "I like her too. Now, what were you saying? Deep life lessons?"

Emma shrugged, "When she came into my life, I was definitely not ready to take care of a kid. I was so irresponsible, in every sense, and I was devastated over Jane. I mean, she was my big sister.

"Every time I looked at Aubrey, I saw Jane. Strangers say she looks just like me, but she looks exactly like Jane. It so was hard. But she's so worth it, Paul. She's incredible," she laughed slightly, "Never in a million years did I think I would ever be a mom, or go to college at 30, or be a fucking barista. It's funny how things change when they have to."  
——  
_"Y'know, kid, I don't know what I'm supposed to be for you."_

_Emma sat on the bed next to where Aubrey was propped up on some pillows. Her hands began to fiddle with the seams on her black funeral dress, the very fabric seemingly itching to be taken off and never worn again. Burned, even._

_She missed her sister. This baby deserved to be with Jane, her real mother, or her father, not forced into the arms of a strange woman who her real mother chose for some inexplicable reason._

_"Your mom wants me to be your mom now, but she wrote that not thinking that it would actually ever happen! She was probably all daydreamy right after she had you and was reminiscing about our childhood or whatever! I don't know," Emma rubbed her temples lightly, squeezing her eyes shut to try and will her ongoing stream of tears to stop._

_"I'm just your-"_ ** _ Deadbeat aunt that couldn't bother to come to your baby shower or to meet you after you were born?_ ** _ "-I don't know. All I know is that I'm sorry you're stuck with me."_

_Aubrey just sat there listening to Emma talk, her hand shoved halfway into her mouth and her lips upturned in an ever-so-slight smile. When Emma opened her eyes again, she couldn't help but smile in response._

_"You are pretty cute, though."_

_The woman lifted the baby gently, hesitantly and propped her up against her knees. She held onto the tiny hands and felt her heart warm as the little fingers wrapped around one of hers. She wasn't a kid person- she had never really held one before this baby was shoved into her arms a couple of days earlier- but something about this one felt different._

_Emma whispered affectionately, "Jane did real good with you. Like she did good with everything else."_

_The baby blinked up at her, compelling her to continue, "I can't promise that we're gonna have a great life together, but god dammit I'm gonna give you the best life that I can. Sound good?"_

_Aubrey giggled lightly as Emma tickled her sides, and Emma nodded in affirmation, "Good."_

_Though tears were still trying to force their way out, she willed them back. _

_Jane wanted her to do this, and she would do anything to make her sister happy, wherever she was._

_This was all Emma could do to make up for time lost with her, and make it up she would._

  
_——_

Aubrey, seemingly having grown bored with the lemurs, skipped back over and grasped Emma's hand that wasn't loosely intertwined with Paul's.

"Y'know, I'd hold both of your hands but I can't when you're holding each other's. Sorry Paul, but it's Mommy's turn," Aubrey said quickly, pulling them off to the next exhibit.

Emma and Paul met each other's eyes quickly, both of them trying to stifle back a laugh. She gripped his hand tighter, and he returned the sentiment.

The whole situation made Emma so happy, so _comfortable._

She never wanted it to end.   
——

One bag of popcorn and one snow cone later, Aubrey was passed out, sleeping soundly in Emma's arms as the trio walked back to the parking lot of the Hatchetfield Zoo. Her mouth was open slightly, the smallest amount of drool making its way out onto her Emma's shoulder.

She was clutching the lemur stuffed animal Paul had graciously offered to buy, much to Emma's faux chagrin and masked gratefulness.

"She taught me so much about them today, I thought she could use something to remember it by," he had said when they were in the gift shop.

"She's not as little as she used to be, that's for sure," Emma mused, readjusting her grip on the little girl. When she slept, she was like dead weight, "She was hard for me to carry when she was a year old."

"I can take her, if you want," Paul offered, and Emma's attention was immediately brought to his rather muscular arms.

Shaking her head slightly to clear her mind from the distraction, "That's okay, but thank you. She's a light sleeper, I don't want her to wake up from the transition. She already didn't sleep well last night."

Paul smiled, and Emma's mini-rant ensued, "God forbid I try to bring the stroller anywhere, either. She has a fit. I don't get kids: when they're little, they want to walk everywhere. But I know from experience that when they're older, they're not going to walk anywhere ever. I don't even want to walk anywhere! They should savor their time of being pushed in a stroller."

Paul let out a laugh, nodding in agreement. Emma stopped in front of her small car, leaning up to give him a one-armed hug and press a kiss to his lips, "Thank you, Paul. We had so much fun."

The man nodded before pulling away, rubbing Aubrey's shoulder briefly, "I had a lot of fun too. Thanks for agreeing to come. I know it must not be easy introducing your child to people and not knowing how they'd react."

Truth was, he had been spending a lot of time on the internet and reading blogs about single parents and what their worries were when entering new relationships. He really, really liked Emma and he didn't want to mess anything up, especially with the little girl, who seemed to mean the world to the woman.

Emma tilted her head, smiling wistfully, "Some things are worth it." She opened the back door of the car and ever so slowly placed Aubrey into the car seat, bucking her up with care. He could tell just how much she loved being a mom as she leaned in and pressed a kiss to the child's brow.

She slowly backed out of the car and shut the door, turning to Paul with an even bigger grin on her face. She kissed him once again and then gave a slight cheer.

"She's finally gonna sleep tonight!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma meets the parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short and fluffy chapter. 
> 
> I love these munchkins.

They had been dating for four months, everything going strong, when Paul decided it was time to introduce the new girls in his life to his parents.

Emma was terrified, to say the least. Paul thought it was odd that she was so scared when he hadn't met her parents yet, but she almost never talked about them either. He figured it was a tough subject and opted to not mention it.

"Hey, it'll be fine. I've already told them I'm dating someone who has a child, so it's not like they're going in blind, like 'oh surprise, we're having dinner with a little girl too'," Paul tried to reassure as they stood at before the entrance of the restaurant, waiting for the rest of the party to arrive.

"Plus, look at this face," Paul gestured to Aubrey, who had been held in his arms since she and her mother had arrived at their destination. She was dressed in a simple pink t-shirt dress that somewhat matched her mother's dark purple one with bows in her hair to match it, a wide smile stretching her cheeks, "How could my parents not like this face?"

"See Mommy!? I got a dimple," Aubrey reached up and pressed a finger to her cheek, "Don't worry!"

Emma giggled lightly and still somewhat nervously, taking one of Aubrey's pigtails into her hand and running her fingers through it. Paul took her other hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Here they come," he murmured, turning his body and plastering a confident smile on his face.

"Paul! My boy," a tall and considerably muscular older man exclaimed as he approached, hand in hand with a stout lady.

"Who might this be?" The woman asked, waving to Aubrey slightly. The little girl buried her head in Paul's dress-shirt clad shoulder, suddenly bashful, one eye peeking out.

"This is Aubrey," Paul replied. "And this-," he added, pulling Emma to stand next to him instead of hiding behind him, "is Emma, my girlfriend. And Aubrey's mom."

Emma offered her hand out to shake the couples', but she was immediately pulled into a hug by Paul's mother.

"Thank you for making my son so happy. You and your little girl are all he talks about," the woman murmured into Emma's ear, squeezing her tightly.

When they pulled away, Emma sent her a huge grin. She hadn't been expecting such a reaction, not for a long shot, "I'm the one who should be thanking you. He's a great man, and Aubrey just adores him."

She placed a hand on Aubrey's back, "Hey, sweet girl? Can you say hello? These are Paul's Mommy and Daddy, like we talked about. They want to meet you."

The little girl's head stayed firmly placed on Paul's shoulder, to which Emma sighed and turned to his parents apologetically, "I'm sorry, she's just really shy with new people."

"No need to be sorry, dear," Paul's father, James, Emma thought she remembered, said softly, "When Paul was little, he was the same way."

Emma smirked at Paul and he shrugged slightly.

At the movement, Aubrey's head perked up a little, "Mommy?" She asked meekly. "I'm hungry. Can we eat?"

"Of course, sweetie" Emma chuckled, as did the other adults.

"Shall we?" Paul asked, turning back towards the entrance of the restaurant.  
——-

"So Emma, what do you do? How did you and Paul meet?"

Paul's mother, Ann, smiled curiously at her.

Emma's cheeks flushed slightly in some kind of embarrassment and she looked down. She wasn't embarrassed of her job, of doing whatever she had to do to provide for herself and her girl, but she was afraid Paul's parents would be embarrassed for her. Paul saw the action and squeezed her hand under the table.

"Oh, um, I'm a barista, and I take classes at the local community college. I'm a year away from graduating, so after I get my degree in botany I hope to do something else," she stopped after that, not thinking it was the right time to mention her past pot farm aspirations.

"I don't know if Paul explained my situation of Aubrey coming into my life," Emma paused, and the couple nodded with understanding, "I didn't have much to my name back then, and now we do what we have to do. Right, Aubs?"

Aubrey looked up from her coloring page and smiled cheekily at her mother, making Emma's heart melt.

When she was distracted again, Ann added, "She's quite the beautiful little girl, very respectful and very smart. I don't know if I've ever seen a four-year-old sit still for so long, and I was a pre-school teacher! You're doing a great job raising her, it's very obvious."

Emma had to fight back an uncharacteristic set of tears before responding. No one had ever told her anything like that before, "Thank you so much. That means a lot."

"So, how did y'all meet?" James drawled, leaning back in his chair.

Emma looked up to Paul and urged him to take the question.

"I went to the coffee shop where she works one day, and she was the one that took my order. I thought she was beautiful and spunky, even though she kind of puts up a rude defense at work. Even though the coffee isn't great," Emma laughed slightly at that, "I kept going back because of her. Eventually I got the guts to ask her on a date after we'd had some small talk, and the rest is history."

"That's sweet," Ann responded, head tilted slightly.

When they got up from dinner and exited the building, Paul's mother held him back by his arm. She leaned up and whispered in his ear, "She's a keeper. I can see how much you love her and that little girl. Don't mess it up." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubrey has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I bought the Black Friday digital ticket and I've been watching it nonstop for two days. IT IS SO FREAKING GOOD I AM SHOOK. 
> 
> This fic won't have any spoilers at any point, so don't you worry if you haven't seen it yet!
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> \- Molly :)

"MOMMY!"

The scream from Aubrey's room startled the couple, who were briefly relaxing on Emma's couch after their date out. The woman had put her daughter to bed after the babysitter left, and she thought that her and Paul could watch a movie and then hit the hay. 

They'd never fully stayed over at each other's houses before, only for more _brief _encounters, and it was a step they both really wanted to take.

With this, however, Emma didn't know if that was in the cards, at least not for that night.

"Shit," she stood up and tore herself out of Paul's arms with record speed, "She's having nightmare. You'll probably want to leave, it's not pretty."

"Hey," Paul said, "I'm here for the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is a part of your life. I'll stay out here, tell me if you need me."

Emma looked touched for a moment, her eyes softening as she nodded, before she quickly shook it off and jogged towards the stairs.

The wails strongly continued, even after Emma arrived in the room and tried to comfort the little girl over them.

"Aubrey," he could hear her talking loudly over the baby monitor placed on the coffee table in front of him, "Sweetheart, you're okay. You're fine. It was just a dream."

"Momma," the girl hiccuped, "Don't leave me."

"I won't, baby. I'm right here, see? I will never, ever leave you. Never," Emma assured, saying the last word forcefully. 

"I don't want Paul to leave either," Aubrey muttered before promptly bursting into another set of tears. He thought his heart actually cracked in two at that.

"Oh baby," Emma said sadly, "Is that what your nightmare was about?"

"Mhm."

Emma didn't even have to invite him in for him to get off the couch and go to the room as quickly as he could. When he arrived in the doorway, Aubrey called out, "Paul! You're here!"

She sounded so relieved, her eyes shining with hope in the dark, making Paul's chest ache.

"Hey, Aubs. What's the problem?" He asked, sitting down on the twin bed on the opposite side of her than Emma was. He took one of her hands in his. She clutched it with a death grip.

"Please don't leave, Paul. I like having fun with you, a-and I know Momma does too," she let out, wiping her tears on the sleeve of his shirt, "Please stay with us."

"I'm not going anywhere, at least not anytime soon," he reassured, and he could feel Emma's eyes pleading with him to not make promises he wasn't willing to keep.

He would keep this one, though. There was no doubt about it.

Aubrey sniffled, nodding as if she was trying to convince herself he was being truthful. She snuggled herself into his side contentedly, pulling her mother with her.

As she drifted off again, Emma whispered, her voice filled with gratefulness, "I'm so glad you were here. I don't know how I would've explained to her that you didn't _leave_, that you were just at home, if you didn't come in."

She pulled Aubrey onto her lap, kissing her forehead lovingly and rocking her slightly.

"Did you mean what you said? About never leaving," Emma added suddenly.

Paul nodded, smiling softly.

"Every word."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might upload another chapter tomorrow or this weekend since this one was so short.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's parents make an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm still really not over Black Friday. I'm really not. 
> 
> This fic will stay spoiler-free! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> -Molly :)

"Hey Paul, can you come over? I know it's late, but..."

The man was confused as the voice of his girlfriend floated through the speaker on the phone. He had seen her earlier that day when they had gone on a small lunch date, and she had seemed fine. They talked about Aubrey, about their relationship, and about what they wanted to do when they went on a small road trip together that weekend.

Now, though, her voice seemed deeply upset and distraught, but like she was trying to hide it.

"What's up? Is something wrong?" He was already standing to pull on his shoes and jacket, his phone balanced precariously between his ear and shoulder. He glanced at the time on his DVR: it was only 10, but Emma never invited him over that late if they weren't already together.

"No," her voice cracked slightly, and his chest tightened, "I just need a hug."

"I'll be right there."   
——

When he arrived at her quaint house, the door was cracked open. He still knocked, trying to give her a warning sign that he was there. He didn't want to spook her.

The door creaked open, and Paul called softly, "Emma? Where are you?"

"In here," a muffled replied sounded from the living room. He could hear the soft murmur of the TV as he slipped his shoes off, trying to lessen the sound of his footsteps so he didn't wake Aubrey.

He tip-toed into the living room and found her curled up on her couch in a blanket, a tissue gripped tightly in her hand as she sniffled. He quickened his pace when he saw her tears, sitting on the couch next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Paul whispered softly, "What's wrong, babe?"

"Don't worry, Aubrey's not here," she muttered out, her throat tight with emotion.

"Where is she?" He asked, growing worried. He loved the little girl, he didn't want anything to happen to her.

"Um, she's with her grandparents. My parents," she replied, sounding bitter in a way he wouldn't expect from her in regards to her parents.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

Emma nodded slightly, "When Aubrey was just a baby, and she had been living with me for around six months, my parents tried to get custody of her. They thought I was unfit to be her mom, even though it is what Jane wanted. Her husband's parents were never a problem; they live a few states away, they visit sometimes, and they trusted me, even if they didn't know me, because they trusted their son's and Jane's discretion."  
——  
_"Okay, peanut, time to get ready for daycare!"_

_At the dreaded d-word, Aubrey began to pout, as much as an one-and-a-half year old consciously could. She hated daycare, much preferring to stay home with Emma and cuddle on the couch._

_Emma frowned, picking Aubrey up from the high chair where she had been eating breakfast and bouncing her slightly, "Hey, don't give me that face. I can't bring you to work with me!"_

_In the back of her mind, she knew that trying to reason with the infant was ridiculous, but she found some kind of comfort in it regardless._

_"I need to make money so you can wear clothes and diapers and eat and all that shit-," she flinched, "-sorry, crap. Wait, is that even any better?"_

_The baby stared at her blankly, and she shrugged, "Eh, let's just hope you don't start swearing."_

_She moved Aubrey to her hip and was beginning up the stairs when the doorbell rang. Emma narrowed her eyes, "Probably a salesperson. It's fuckin- crap, freaking- early to be trying to sell me stuff."_

_The tone rang again, making the woman roll her eyes as she retreated back down the stairs and over to the front door. She opened it quickly, not giving her eyes time to adjust to the sunlight and the figure before her before she started talking, "Its 7 A.M. and I need to get my baby ready to go to daycare so I'm going to have to ask you to leave."_

_"Are you Emma Perkins?"_

_Her eyes finally adjusted and focused on the person in front of her- a tall, lanky man clad in a very expensive looking suit. His face was strict and mean and it made her want to take a step back so she wasn't so close to him. She swallowed before she responded, "Yes. Can I help you?"_

_His hand shot out in front of him, presenting a manilla folder, "You have been served."_

_She took the folder hesitantly with her free hand, her eyes furrowed in confusion. She quickly shut the door, not giving the man any time to say anything else._

_"What the heck, Aubrey?" Emma murmured so she felt less alone. She flipped open the folder and began frantically reading. The words her eyes met made her feel nauseous._

** _Petition for Custody of Aubrey Lane Perkins to be granted to Mark and Jaqueline Perkins_ ** _._

_"What?" Was all that Emma could muster. Her eyes darted from the page to Aubrey as they glazed over with tears._

_Her parents were wealthy, could afford a good lawyer. They probably had a pretty fucking convincing case to a jury for why they should raise the child over Emma. They'd win the court battle._

_The thought of not having Aubrey in her life was the scariest thing imaginable. She knew she wouldn't be allowed to see the child if her parents had custody. There would be no way. They resented her enough already. They resented her for surviving an accident she wasn't even involved in._

_"Mama," Aubrey muttered, patting her chest slightly out of boredom._

_Emma closed the folder promptly and dropped it on the cabinet next to the door, wiping her eyes quickly and sending a slight smile to the baby._

_"Y'know, sweet girl? Screw work and screw daycare. We're just gonna stay home, alright?" She choked out, fishing her phone out of her pocket to call in, which she did quickly and bluntly. She needed to work this shift, she needed the money, but she knew if she went in she would screw everything up even more._

_She continued, trying to keep her tears at bay, "We're just gonna stay home and cuddle, alright?"_

_She quickly walked over to and collapsed onto the couch, afraid her shaky legs would've given out from under her. Aubrey cuddled into her chest like she was made to be there, causing the tears to start falling down her cheeks._

_"I love you so much, Aubrey," Emma let out shakily_ _, pressing a kiss to the baby's head_ _, "You're my everything, okay? Whatever happens, you'll always be my girl."_

_A sob escaped the woman's mouth, "I can't lose you."_

_Aubrey was all she had left of Jane. She had lost way too much already._  
——  
Emma squeezed her eyes shut, another round of tears making their way out of the corner of her eyes, "I was already so bonded with her- hell, she had already called me Mama. It was a long, scary court battle because I was sure they were going to take her away from me. Somehow, I won. I still don't really know how. It was a miracle, honestly, and I don't fucking believe in miracles.

"My parents have bimonthly visitation with her, they always have. But ever since then, I've been scared that when they take her out, they're going to run away with her," Emma's chest heaved with a small sob, "I know it's irrational, but they were supposed to be back an hour ago, and neither of them are answering my calls, and it makes me panic."

"Hey, it's okay," Paul said soothingly, rubbing her back, "I'm sure they just got caught in some traffic, there was an accident on the highway that held everything up. I'll stay here until we know she's safe, alright?"

Emma nodded, burying her face in his chest. His heart ached, knowing that she had probably done this so many times before but without anyone to comfort her.

The woman calmed down after a few minutes, nestling herself closer and closer to her boyfriend until she couldn't anymore. "She'll be home soon," she murmured to herself, "It's just traffic. She'll be home soon."

"Why don't you go to sleep, Em? I'll wake you up when they're here."

She shook her head vigorously, her eyes darting from her phone in her hands to the clock on the wall faster than he could track, "I can't."

"Okay, then we'll wait. She'll be okay."

Around fifteen minutes later, three car doors shut loudly from outside the home. Emma burst up and out of his arms quickly, running up to the door and pulling it open quickly. Paul followed but stayed at a distance, not knowing if he should show himself but desperately needing to know of the condition of his girlfriend's daughter.

A tall, graying man walked up to the door, holding a sleeping Aubrey in his arms, a shorter petite woman following behind him.

"Hi Dad," Emma greeted tiredly, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, "You're late."

"I know. There was traffic," he said, with only a hint of apology in his voice.

"Why weren't you answering my calls?" Emma asked, reaching out for her daughter desperately.

Emma's mother rolled her eyes, "We left our phones at home and we weren't going to go back for them."

"Listen, you know I worry about her. Why can't you just do that one thing for me?" Emma pleaded as she took Aubrey out of her father's arms.

Paul's heart dropped at the situation in front of him, and he didn't know if he was more mad or sad at the fact that his girlfriend's parents didn't care to recognize their daughter's feelings.

He could see Emma's arms trembling out of what he assumed was a mixture of exhaustion and anger, but before he could swoop forward with no inhibition to grab the child himself, the little girl's head popped up slightly.

"Momma?" He could see Emma's parents' faces contort in some kind of disgust at the word.

Aubrey's arms tightened around her mother's neck, and he could see the tension flood out of Emma's body.

"Hi, sweet girl," Emma whispered, glancing back at Paul slightly, "Listen, Paul is here. I'm gonna have him bring you up to bed while I talk to Grandma and Grandpa, okay?"

"Paul? I like Paul," Aubrey said sleepily, smiling slightly. He saw that as his cue, pacing out from where he was hidden behind a corner and coming to stand next to Emma.

Before her parents could express their distaste, Paul stuck out a hand to shake theirs, "Hi, I'm Paul. I'm Emma's boyfriend."

Both of the adults shook his hand hesitantly, and he felt Emma nudge his shoulder. He turned, and Emma pulled Aubrey away from her body and placed her in his awaiting arms. He could tell that she didn't want him to be there when her parents inevitably said something negative about him.

"Hi Paul," Aubrey said, placing her head on his shoulder and hugging his neck as she had with her mother.

"Hey, munchkin. Have fun?"

He felt her nod against him as he retreated into the house.

"I think I have more fun when I'm home with you and Mommy, though. Grandma and Grandpa are nice but..." Aubrey trailed off, her thoughts being interrupted by a yawn.

"Why don't you go back to sleep, Aubs? You're already in your jammies, I'll tuck you in and I'm sure your mom will be in to say goodnight in a minute," Paul coaxed gently, pushing the bedroom door open slowly.

"Paul?"

"Mhm?" He replied, pulling the blankets of her bed down and placing her within them.

"I love you."

He thought his heart was going to physically burst. He let out a soft chuckle as she grabbed her lemur plushie and snuggled down into her pillows, "I love you too."

"Do you love Mommy?"

"You know what, I think I do."

"Good. Goodnight Paul."

"Goodnight munchkin."  
——   
Paul sat outside of Aubrey's room, listening to the argument Emma was having with her parents on the lower level of the house.

"How can you just let a stranger around our granddaughter!?"

"Did you expect me to be single for the rest of my life? Paul isn't a stranger either. I didn't even tell him about Aubrey until two months into our relationship, and that was after I knew him for a while!" Emma retaliated. Paul could almost feel the rage coming off of her.

"And you let him put her to bed? Why would you do that?"

Her voice was almost a growl as she responded, "Because I'm stuck here arguing with you about not accepting my wishes when it comes to my daughter!"

"She's Jane's daughter and you know it," her father bellowed.

Emma paused, and he could hear the deep breath she took. He knew she was probably fighting back tears, "Jane wanted me to be her mom if something happened to her. Do you not think that I think about how much better of a mother Jane would've been to her if she was here? Do you not think that I miss my big sister every goddamn day? Because I do. There isn't a day I don't."

He heard her let out a small sob that reverberated off the walls and up the stairs, his heart beginning to ache, "I am her mom now, okay? That is what Jane wanted. She's happy, and beautiful, and smart. I give her everything that I have," Emma choked out, "And Paul- God- Paul loves me. He absolutely adores Aubrey, and she adores him too. He is nothing but good for her. I won't let you discredit my parenting choices and who I let around my daughter when I am one hundred times the parent to her than either of you would've been. You really were never that great of parents to me."

"Paul?" A tiny voice sounded from behind him. His head swiveled in its direction, finding Aubrey, hair messy and eyes tired peeking out of her room, "Why's it so loud? I can't sleep."

"C'mere, Aubs," he murmured, pulling the child into his lap. She gripped his t-shirt tightly in her fists and nestled her head against his chest, "I'm sorry."

The yelling continued, but Paul knew that the little girl needed sleep. He decided to interject.

Pressing one hand against Aubrey's ear that wasn't pressed against him, he called rather loudly, "Hey Em? Aubrey is having trouble sleeping."

Immediately, he heard Emma pace over to the front door and open it, "Please leave. She needs to sleep, and she won't if you're here. We can continue this some other time, I guess." She sounded weary.

Without another word, he heard footsteps exit the house and the front door creak closed slowly. Emma was almost immediately up the small set of stairs, around the corner and over to Paul and her daughter, her face looking exhausted.

"I'm so sorry, baby girl."

Aubrey wiped her eyes before reaching up and out blindly, "That's okay, Mommy. Can you hold me?"

"Of course," she leant down and scooped her daughter into her arms, carrying her into her room and sitting in the rocking chair that was still tucked in the corner from when Aubrey was a baby.

Paul stood from his position on the floor and followed them in, sitting on the edge of Aubrey's bed hesitantly, "Should I be heading out?"

Emma nodded sadly, "Yeah, probably. But it's not because of you, it's because of-" she gestured to the drowsy child in her arms.

"I know," he stood, walking over and pressing a kiss to Emma's lips and to Aubrey's head, "Y'know, she said she loves me earlier when I was putting her to bed."

Emma's face brightened visibly, "Really? That's sweet."

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep, okay?"

Emma nodded reluctantly, rocking back and forth in the chair carefully. He could tell she wasn't going to follow through on that after the trauma she had gone through that night.

He added before he exited the room, "Who cares about what they think? You're an amazing mom, Emma."

"Hey Paul?" She added softly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you. Thank you."

His heart seemingly stopped, "I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul watches Aubrey on his own for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of prewritten chapters for this fic, so uploads are probably going to be coming less frequently pretty soon. I hope that's okay! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> -Molly :)

"Paul, thank God, can you do me a favor?"

Emma's eyes were wide with anxiety as she spoke as soon as he walked through the door of Beanies. He thought that if he said no, she would break.

"Um, yes?"

The woman rushed to the back room of the coffee shop quickly, clocking out for a break and ripping her apron off. When she walked back out to the storefront, Paul was pulling a chair out at one of the tables for her. She smiled gratefully, plopping herself down without hesitation.

"So, um, Nora put me on an extra shift today because Zoey called in," Emma explained mockingly, eyes narrowing in anger by the second, "Even though she knows I can't, because I need to pick up Aubrey from school and feed her dinner and-," she placed her face in her hands out of frustration.

"I know you've never watched her alone before, but can you pick Aubrey up from school and watch her until I'm done here? You're the only one I have to ask unless I want to ask my parents, and I will if I have to, but-," Emma rambled until Paul cut her off.

"Of course I will," he affirmed, grabbing one of her hands and squeezing it tightly to calm her, "I've actually been wanting to ask if I could take her out by myself at some point, and I wouldn't make you ask your parents, ever. When does she get out?"

"She had an afternoon session today, so not until 4. I'll call the school and tell them to expect you." When Paul nodded, she continued frantically, "She's probably going to be kind of upset that I'm not the one picking her up because I promised her- although it might be different because it's you picking her up, not a babysitter- but if she is, just tell her that I love her and I'll be home soon." 

Her eyes looked sad at that, and it made his heart ache. She continued, "You can pick her up something for dinner, she's not picky but she'll tell you what she wants. Wednesday is our playground day, there's a park down the street that she likes to play at, she can play there until she's tired. You can bring her for ice cream if you want, she'd like that. I'll be home before she has to get a bath and go to bed, so you don't have to worry about that-"

"Relax, Em. I got it. We'll be fine."

She nodded, assuring herself, "Okay, her car seat is in my car. It's unlocked. You can get it now if you want. You have the key to the house, right?"

Paul smiled comfortingly, patting his suit pocket, "Yep."

Emma had given him a key to her house once they had hit six months of dating. She wanted him to have it in case of any emergency that could come up, especially with Aubrey, not to mention that she liked when he showed up unexpectedly with dinner or a new board game and stayed the night.

"You're a goddamn blessing, you know that?" Emma said breathlessly, leaving over the table, grabbing his face in her hands and planting a rushed kiss on his lips, "I'm cutting my break short today so I can get home sooner, so I gotta go back to work. You want coffee? I'm assuming that's why you came here."

"Nah, I just sensed the absolute distress you were in, so I had to swoop down here and save you," he said teasingly, getting her to crack a small smile.

She rolled her eyes, stepping back behind the counter and quickly tying her apron back on. She prepared his coffee quickly, fumbling with the lid before passing it to him. He held her shaking hand in his as she passed the drink to him, "Hey, we'll be fine. I'll make sure she has fun."

"Thank you, Paul. Thank you so much."

"It's no problem. Anything for my two favorite girls."

If he was being completely honest, he was completely internal freaking out. The last time he had babysat, it was Alice, and it was a long time ago. He didn't know if Aubrey was going to be different around him without Emma there, or if she was going to be devastated and act out since her mother wasn't. He was slightly terrified; he loved the little girl and her mom, and he didn't want to fuck that up.

He couldn't have said no, especially when the alternative was Aubrey going into the hands of her grandparents. The pain Emma had been in the last time broke his heart and he didn't want to experience that again if he could help it.

Paul glanced over his shoulder at the antsy line forming behind him, "I guess I should be going. See you later, babe."

Emma barely looked up from where she was dealing with the register as she let out a soft, "I love you."

"Love you too."

As he walked back to CCRP, a 25-pound car seat in one hand and a coffee in the other, only one thought crossed his mind.

_Please, God, let this go smoothly._  
_——_  
"Paul! Paul! What are you doing here?"

Aubrey skipped towards him, holding the hand of one of the pre-school teachers. She looked up at the woman, a large smile pulling at her lips and one tiny finger pointing towards him, "Miss Jacobs, this is Paul! He's my Mom's boyfriend." She giggled mischievously at the last part, and a blush spread across Paul's cheeks.

"Hey, Aubs. How was your day?"

"Good," Aubrey ran over to him and hugged him around the legs after Miss Jacobs released her hand, "Where's Mommy? Is she waiting in the car?" She bounced on her heels, her eyes shining with excitement.

Paul's chest ached as he kneeled down in front of her, adjusting her twisted backpack straps gently, "Mommy had to stay at work a bit longer than she expected. I'm sorry, munchkin."

Aubrey's bottom lip immediately stuck out in a pout and started wobbling, tears building in her big eyes, "What? But she promised. It's playground day, she always picks me up on playground day."

His heart started beating faster in his chest, scared that they were on the verge of a breakdown, "I'm so sorry, Aubrey. She didn't mean to break her promise." He wished he could tell her just how heartbroken Emma looked earlier, and just how hard she worked to provide for her. He pulled the tiny girl to his chest in a hug, her shoulders shaking as the tears rolled down her face, "But she says she loves you so much. She wishes she were here."

When Aubrey's tears didn't subside, he continued, "But hey, me and you and going to go get something for dinner, and then we'll go play on the playground, and then," he whispered the next part, "maybe we'll go get ice cream."

"Really?" Aubrey asked, her voice muffled by the soft fabric of the hoodie he had changed into before going to pick up the girl.

"Yeah. Ready to go?"

He felt her nod, "Carry me?"

"Of course."

Paul lifted her into his arms with ease, shifting her onto his hip as he walked them to the car.

"Can we go to McDonald's? I want chicken nuggets."

"Sure, Mommy said you can have whatever you want. She really feels bad, Aubs. When she gets home, you should tell her how much you love her and that it's okay that she had to stay at work," Paul added as he buckled her into her car seat, "Do the straps feel right?"

"Mhm!" Aubrey hummed happily. After Paul got into the car, she called up to him, "When Mommy gets home, I'll give her a great big hug!"

"Sounds good."   
——  
One Happy Meal, three hours at the playground, and one ice cream cone later, Aubrey was half-asleep in Paul's lap, her head nodding slowly as she tried to stay awake for the last half of Moana.

Paul hated it, but he wanted to do whatever he could to make the little girl happy.

It was 8 PM, an hour later than Emma said she would be, but he didn't mind. If anything, he was worried about her and what emotional state she was going to be in when she walked through the door.

"Aubrey, are you sure you don't want to go to bed? I'm sure Mommy wouldn't mind if you waited to take a bath until the morning," he asked softly, patting her shoulder.

She nodded affirmatively, "I need to wait for Mommy, and give her my hug."

"I don't think she'd be upset if you waited until the morning."

"Shhh, Moana's singing."

As soon as the movie ended, the doorknob of the front door jiggled and, shortly after, Emma trudged into the living room. He looked over at her, holding back an exclamation of concern at her appearance.

Her hair was messier than usual, some pieces pulling out of her updo and laying, frizzy, against her shoulders. She looked exhausted, her eyes dim with dark circles showing up under them. One hand was held against her forehead and he supposed she had a migraine. She had been working literally all day, he didn't blame her.

"Mommy!" Aubrey immediately perked up when her mother made her appearance, bouncing up and out of Paul's lap and over to envelop her in her tiny arms.

Emma smiled weakly, leaning down to return the hug, "Hi, baby."

"It's bath time! Let's go!" The little girl exclaimed, attempting to pull her mother towards the bathroom down the hall from them.

"Sweetie," Emma began, her voice breaking slightly. She pressed a hand over her eyes as if the light from the TV in the otherwise dark room was much too bright, "Mommy doesn't feel very good and I'm really tired, and I'd really like to go to bed. Do you think we could wait for a bath until the morning? I'll be home all day with you."

Aubrey nodded with a mixture of disappointment and understanding, her volume immediately dropping, "Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. Now, go get your pajamas on, and we'll come tuck you in."

Paul pretended his heart didn't swell at the "we."

As the child scampered up the stairs and to her room, Emma finished crossing the living room and collapsed next to Paul on the couch. He immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders and was surprised when she practically climbed into his lap, clutching his shirt in her fists like a lifeline.

"Today was so stressful, and I feel so guilty," she muttered without him having to probe her for answers.

"Em-"

"It was the busiest I've ever seen the place, I swear to God. I got yelled at least twenty times, both by customers and by Nora. Jesus fucking Christ, I'm just trying my best. I wanted to come home so goddamn bad, and my extra shift ended, but she still made me stay to close up. I think I'm getting sick too, halfway through my head started hurting and I'm so dizzy, _and _my goddamn period started," her head lolled to rest against his shoulder, "I just wanted to have a fun night with my girl, and with you, but apparently that's too much to ask. Apparently I'm not good enough."

"Emma, don't say that."

"But it's true," she said, her voice rising in volume, "I have to work so fucking hard at this shitty job because I can't do anything else, and it takes so much out of me I can barely function!"

"Hey, Aubrey is gonna hear you if you're any louder," Paul noted calmly.

"See, I can't even shut my mouth around my daughter! Maybe Jane shouldn't have put me in her will and given me custody of her in the first place," she muttered, but as soon as the words left her mouth, her expression turned to one of regret.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she looked up at him, pleading, "No, I didn't mean that. I love her so much."

"Hey, I know that. I know. Don't cry," he swiped the tears that escaped her eyes with his thumb, "You're just upset. I would be too.

"Emma, you work so hard for that little girl, and you do what you have to do. You're almost done with your degree, and then you'll have a whole new world of opportunity," Paul assured, "I'm sorry work was so rough today, but you know that's not the norm, and it'll be better. It was just a bad day."

She nodded against his chest, sniffling lightly.

"Momma! I'm ready," Aubrey called from her room.

"Duty calls," Emma smirked tiredly as she wiped away the rest of the tears, climbing off of his lap and reaching a hand out to pull him off of the couch.

"Then we can cuddle in bed," he said, swinging an arm over her shoulder.

"That sounds so fucking nice."

"Mommy, that's a naughty word!"

"See, I told you she'd hear you." 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul gets questioned by his co-workers. 
> 
> (Well, really just Ted.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> -Molly :)

"Who's the kid, Paul?"

Paul rolled his eyes, finishing setting up the new picture frames on his desk. In one, there was a picture of him and Emma that had been taken when they went to one of his cousin's weddings. It was a candid of them swaying on the dance floor, arms wrapped around each other. He really didn't want to go to the event, but Emma encouraged him that it would be fun- mostly because she wanted to utilize the open bar.

However, he was glad that the photo came as a result.

The other frame held a photo of him and Aubrey that was taken when they went on their weekend road trip a couple of months before. Emma had taken it from behind without him knowing; Paul was holding Aubrey on his hip as she pointed something about the waterfall they were gazing at out to him. It was beautifully artistic, so much so that Paul thought Emma might have a future in hobby photography. 

They were his favorite photos ever taken.

Emma gave the photos to him as a part of her one-year anniversary present to him. He knew that as soon as he put them up, someone would come to probe him with questions. Everyone knew about Emma, but none of them knew about Aubrey.

He looked over his shoulder, finding Ted with his eyebrows furrowed.

"It's, uh, Emma's daughter."

Ted slapped Paul's shoulder with disbelief, "What? She has a kid?"

"Yep."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, maybe because it's pretty much none of your business?" Paul retorted, trying to prevent any smartass comment Ted could potentially make about either Emma or Aubrey.

"Geez, defensive much?"

The sound of the altercation attracted Bill and Charlotte from either side of Paul's cubicle, both of them peeking over the walls.

"What's going on?" Charlotte prodded gently, Bill nodding along.

"Listen," Paul sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to be getting out of this. He gestured to the photo in question, "This is Emma's daughter, Aubrey. She's almost five, and she's awesome. That's all you really need to know."

"Where's her dad?"

"Ted, Jesus Christ," Paul put a hand up to his forehead in frustration, "He's dead. She's Emma's niece biologically, but her mother, Emma's sister, and her father died when she was a baby. Emma adopted her."

"That's nice," Bill mused quietly before quickly correcting, "Not the dying part! The adopting part."

Paul nodded in understanding, plopping back down into his chair and beginning to type on his report, hoping that would encourage everyone to leave him alone.

"Well Paul," Ted voiced from behind him, clapping him so hard on the shoulder that it stung slightly, "I'm glad you're happy."

It was unusually sincere for the sarcastic and rude man. Paul didn't question it, though.

"Me too," Charlotte added, her tone light and joyful. Her entire personality, for the most part, changed when she finally stood up for herself and got a divorce from Sam. Paul thought that may have been one of the reasons Ted had been being nicer lately; he was trying to woo Charlotte into going on a date with him.

"I'd love to meet her sometime. Alice has started babysitting again, I'm sure she would love to take the little one off of your hands if you and Emma ever need some time alone," Bill offered, sending him a soft smile.

"Thanks, guys," Paul said wholeheartedly, smiling up at his three friends, "I am really, really happy. They're the best."

Thinking that would make them leave him be, he turned back to his computer and tried to refocus herself. Charlotte and Bill disappeared behind the walls of his cubicle on either side of him, but he could still feel Ted loitering around behind him and tapping his toe.

"Yes, Ted?"

"So, are you like her father now?" Ted asked, and Paul could practically hear the smirk forming on his face.

"Ted!" Paul heard Charlotte exclaim, her hand shooting out to smack the man lightly on the arm, "Don't pay any attention to him, Paul."

Ted shrugged, hiding his smile behind his coffee cup, "Just wondering."

With that, the tall man stalked off towards his own corner of the office.

Paul let out a long sigh of a mixture of frustration and relief as the sound of typing and soft whispers enveloped him once again.

In the back of his mind, however, he knew he would be lying if the probing question didn't make him think a little bit.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Christmas Special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda majorly screwed up chronologically because I only decided like a week ago that I wanted to write a Christmas chapter and I've had all the previous chapters written since like September but y'know, it is what it is. I also maybe think a lot of this is more ooc than the rest of the chapters but I don't really know. Just a forewarning. 
> 
> Anyways, I love these cuties. 
> 
> Happy Holidays! Thanks for reading!

"Mommy, is Paul going to spend Christmas with us?"

Emma frowned at the question, knowing that the answer would disappoint Aubrey. She hated disappointing her.

"Oh, Aubs, I think he's probably going to spend Christmas with his family. He and his Mommy and Daddy always go to Clivesdale for Christmas, that's what he told me."

Aubrey's eyebrows furrowed as she stopped pushing the cookie cutter into the dough. It was Christmas Eve, and they were making cookies for Santa, one of her favorite Christmas activities. She and Jane had done it when they were children, and Emma thought it would be something special to carry over to the next generation.

"But we're kinda his family too!"

Emma sighed, "I know, baby, but he has a whole big family that he only sees on Christmas. He sees us all the time. It wouldn't be fair to let him miss out on seeing all of his aunts and uncles and cousins, right?"

Aubrey still looked like she was ready to defy her mother, so Emma added, "It's just gonna be us like always, okay?"

"But-"

"Aubrey," Emma said firmly, wincing internally as soon as she did so. She really didn't like yelling at her daughter.

She didn't want to be like her own parents, who had yelled at her every chance they had. 

Aubrey looked down briefly, and Emma could see tears starting to build in the child's eyes. Guilt immediately built up in her chest.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," she said quickly, wiping her flour-covered hands off on her apron and walking to the other side of the table to wrap Aubrey in a hug, "I didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry."

Aubrey nestled her head into Emma's neck, sniffling slightly, "It's okay, Mommy. I just wish that we had a bigger family sometimes."

Emma clenched her eyes shut before pressing a soft kiss to Aubrey's forehead, "I know, pumpkin. Me too. Maybe next year we can go have Christmas with Paul and his family," she said for the sole reason of trying to make the girl feel better.

She loved Paul, she really did, but the thought of meeting his extended family made anxiety bubble up in her stomach. She didn't doubt that they were as sweet and kind as him, but she was afraid that they wouldn't like her. She could be pretty confrontational, even when she tried not to be, and she was worried she would say something wrong and hurt her relationship with Paul.

That would damage her beyond repair. That's why, when he asked her and Aubrey to spend Christmas with his family, she made up her own family plans. She felt incredibly guilty doing so, but she couldn't stop herself once she had started.

"What about this year, Mommy? We can ask Paul!" Aubrey looked up, her eyes sparkling with hope.

Emma felt her heart crack because she was going to have to let her daughter down again, and it was because of her own selfish intentions. She thought on her feet, quickly trying to come up with a softer way than saying no.

"It's too late to tell Santa that you're going to be at a different house for Christmas. He would stop here, come in and go 'Well, there's no Aubrey here!' and he wouldn't leave any presents! That would be awful, right?"

Aubrey gasped dramatically, making Emma chuckle slightly, "That would be awful! Next year, I'll write in my letter to Santa that we might go with Paul for Christmas, and then he'll know!"

Emma scrunched her nose in a smile, "Sounds good, baby. Now, go get your jammies on. What movie do you want to watch while we wait for the cookies to bake?"

Aubrey hopped down from her stool, "Hm, maybe Frosty?"

"Frosty it is."

Emma watched as Aubrey ran up the stairs to her room. She finished up cutting out the cookies before sliding the pan in the oven, her face falling by the second.

She wished she could give Aubrey everything that she wanted without her own anxiety getting in the way. She deserved it. 

As Emma tucked the child into bed that night, after eating too many cookies and watching their movie plus half of another one, the little one timidly requested, "Mommy, can I call Paul? I miss him."

Emma smiled softly, fishing her phone out of her pocket and quickly dialing Paul's number before handing it to Aubrey. The girl quickly pressed the device to her ear before asking her mother quietly, "Can I talk to him by myself?"

Emma tilted her head in confusion, "What? Why?"

"Christmas secrets!" Aubrey said, a mischevious grin growing on her face.

Emma rolled her eyes, holding her hands up in surrender as she stood from the floor and walked towards the door, flicking off the main overhead lights in the room and leaving the fairy lights lining the ceiling on. She turned before she left the room, "Only ten minutes, okay? It's really late."

Aubrey nodded just as Paul picked up the phone. His voice was raspy with sleep as he spoke, "Emma? What-?"

Aubrey cut him off, "It's ME, Paul! Aubrey!"

She could hear the man laugh softly from the other end of the call, "Oh, hi, sweetie. What's up?"

"I just miss you."

It wasn't a lie. She did miss him. She hadn't seen him for three days because he was really busy with work, and he usually came over almost every day. However, there was more she was hoping to get out of the call than just that.

"Aw, Aubs, I miss you too. I wish I hadn't had so much stuff to do so I could come hang out with you and your mom."

"Paul, Mommy told me today that you're not gonna be able to come spend Christmas with us," Aubrey said, trying to make her voice sound slightly sad so he would feel a little bad as if that would convince him to stay.

"Oh, yeah, Aubs, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna be here, I'm gonna be with the rest of my family in Clivesdale," he said sadly, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Aubrey shrugged even though he couldn't see her, "That's okay. It's just always only me and Mommy alone on Christmas, and I thought you would come over so it would be more happy."

The girl could hear Paul's sharp intake of breath, "Aubrey, are you sure you don't go over to your Grandma and Grandpa's house? That's what your mom told me you guys do."

"Nope, never done that," Aubrey affirmed, the implication of the statement flying over her head.

Paul felt awful. Emma lied to him, but that's not what made him upset.

He had invited her and Aubrey to have Christmas with his family. When he had asked her, he could see the absolute panic in her eyes before she finally gathered her bearings and said that they would be busy. He had made her uncomfortable. It made his chest ache with guilt.

"Okay, Aubs, well it's really late. I think you should probably be getting to sleep, yeah?"

Aubrey yawned, as if in agreement. Right on cue, Emma reappeared in the doorway, smiling at the sight of her drowsy girl.

"I love you, Paul."

"I love you too, Aubrey," Paul murmured, "Can I talk to your mom?"

"Mhm, here she is!"

Aubrey handed the phone over to Emma as the latter approached her bed and tucked the sheets closer around her. She whispered loudly, "Mommy, Paul wants to talk to you."

Aubrey was snoring by the time Emma walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

"Hi, babe," Emma started as she padded down the stairs back into the living room. She plopped down onto the couch and turned the volume down on the TV so she could hear him better.

"Em, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable about coming to Christmas with me. I really didn't mean to."

Emma's heart dropped. He caught her in her lie, but she decided to play dumb for a moment longer, "What?"

"Aubrey told me Christmas is only ever you and her and you don't go over to your parent's house. I totally freaked you out with the prospect of meeting my whole family at once. I'm so sorry," Paul said, almost pleadingly.

"Paul, it's fine," she laughed awkwardly, fiddling with a string on her pajama pants, "I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I'm the one who lied."

"You only did that because I threw you off guard. It makes me sad to think of you and Aubrey being alone on Christmas, Em. Maybe I should stay in Hatchetfield and-"

"Don't you dare, Paul Matthews. You go and see your family and have fun. I already told Aubrey, maybe next year we'll come with you, okay? We have each other, it's nothing new."

He sighed, sounding a little frustrated and disappointed, "Alright. But I'm gonna miss you."

Emma giggled slightly at the childish tone of his voice, which was high-pitched and pitiful like he was a little kid that she was leaving at daycare, "I'll miss you too, baby. Now go to bed."

"Excuse me, girl-who-never-gets-any-sleep, I will not be taking orders from the likes of you on the basis of sleep," he said jokingly.

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes, "Goodnight Paul. Love you."

"Goodnight, babe. Love you too."

\----

"Santa did really good this year, huh, pumpkin?"

Emma was curled up on the couch, a mug of hot chocolate held tightly in her hands while Aubrey was playing with her new toys on the floor, her face alight with joy.

Emma couldn't afford to buy her much, not nearly as much as some of her friends at school got, but the little girl was grateful for literally every single thing. It warmed Emma's heart to no end. 

This year, she got a few dolls, some dinosaur figurines, some books about specific animals and fairytales, and the cheapest tablet that could be found so she could play games on something other than her mother's or Paul's phone.

"Yeah, Mommy!" Aubrey cheered, getting up and hopping on the couch, snuggling up next to Emma under the blanket, "Did he bring you anything?"

Emma sent her a faux sad smile. She could really care less if she got presents on Christmas or not, but she knew Aubrey did, "Nope. I guess I'm too old for Santa to leave me presents."

When Aubrey pouted, Emma was quick to add on, "I'm sure he just wants us to share your presents! Plus, the Christmas ornament you made me at school is the best present that I could've gotten and I think he knows that."

The small paper ornament was hung with care on the tree. It was in the shape of a wreath that was messily painted and had pieces of tissue paper stuck all over it. A photo of Aubrey, smiling wide with an elf hat placed sloppily on her head, was stuck in the middle. When Aubrey presented it to her, Emma's eyes had welled up with tears. Everything her daughter made was so special to her and made her proud.

"Really?" Aubrey questioned, wrapping her arms around one of Emma's and hugging it close.

"Really. I love it so much," Emma affirmed, "Merry Christmas, baby girl."

"Merry Christmas, Mommy."

Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door, causing Emma's eyebrows to furrow in confusion. She looked at her daughter, who shrugged slightly, looking just as confused. They weren't expecting anyone, and Emma started praying that it wasn't her parents paying them an unexpected visit. She really didn't want them to ruin their day. All she wanted to do was lay on the couch with her girl, stay in their matching Christmas pajamas all day, and maybe FaceTime Paul after dinner.

She set her hot chocolate down on the side table, getting off of the couch and slowly walking towards the door. She opened it hesitantly, not quite ready to face who was on the other side of the door.

However, when her mind processed exactly who it was, her heart leaped.

"Paul!" Aubrey called from behind her before she could say anything. The little girl launched herself off of the couch and ran over to the two adults.

The man set down the presents he had in his arms to catch the girl as she jumped at him. He squeezed her in a tight hug, laughing softly, "Hey Aubs!"

He shifted her onto his hip so he could step into the doorway and envelop Emma in a side hug, giving her a quick kiss. As soon as she pulled away, she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

"You, sir, are supposed to be in Clivesdale!"

"A bunch of my cousins and their kids got sick. Everyone agreed to just stay at home and do their own smaller Christmas with their immediate family to make sure everyone else stayed healthy," Paul shrugged, "And you guys-," he tickled Aubrey's stomach slightly, making her giggle, "-are my family here in Hatchetfield."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm not lying, babe. I promise."

Aubrey, bored of the adult conversation, wrapped her arms around his neck in another hug, "I'm glad you're here, Paul."

"Yeah, I guess I am too," Emma relented, smirking slightly. She took Aubrey from his arms, allowing him to move the gifts inside and shrug off his coat and kick off his shoes.

"Paul! You're still in your jammies too!" Aubrey exclaimed, studying his red and black flannel attire, "We always stay in our jammies all of Christmas! Look, me and Mommy match!"

"I see that. Good thing I didn't bring a change of clothes, only presents for my two favorite girls," he said, waving the two bags back and forth enticingly.

Aubrey wiggled out of Emma's arms, running towards the living room, "C'mon, we can only open presents near the Christmas tree!"

Paul chuckled, wrapping his free arm around Emma as they followed the child, sitting and cuddling on the couch. Aubrey collected the last unopened present that remained under the tree, quickly shoving it into Paul's lap.

"Here, Paul! Me and Mommy got this for you."

"Thank you, Aubs," he said as he began to unwrap it, revealing a box that held a few t-shirts, some DVDs, and a coffee mug with, of all things, a lemur on it. There was also a haphazardly colored card, lovingly signed by Aubrey.

"Look! There's a lemur on it because of when we went to the zoo and saw the lemurs! I picked it out," Aubrey said, jumping onto the couch next to him.

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, "I love it. Thank you, Aubrey."

He then took Emma's hand and squeezed it, placing a peck on her lips, "Thank you, babe."

Paul quickly distributed his presents to Emma and Aubrey, excited to see their reactions. He got Aubrey a couple of board games that she hadn't stopped talking about how fun it would be to play them in the weeks since seeing a commercial for them, a dress with various animals on it, some pajamas, and a soft baby doll.

He got Emma a phone case, since hers was falling apart, some cold weather accessories like gloves and scarves, and a new jacket that he knew she had been eyeing for months but could never justify spending the money to buy. He just wanted to remind her to take better care of herself and do things for herself rather than just spending money on Aubrey.

The last gifts, however, were the kicker. The thought of giving them to him made him excited yet nervous at the same time, causing his hands to shake as he pulled two small boxes out of his pockets, handing one to Emma and one to Aubrey.

"Paul, really, this is all too much," Emma said while fiddling with the small item in her hand, "We don't need all this."

Paul shook his head, "No, please. Just open them."

Aubrey didn't need to be asked twice. She quickly began ripping into the package, revealing a black, velvety jewelry box. She opened it carefully, gasping dramatically when the contents were revealed.

It was a small, silver heart locket. There were small stones embedded in the metal, two clear and one pink, and it shined when it hit the light right. The little girl tore her eyes away from the necklace to meet Paul's awaiting gaze, smiling widely, her eyes shining with happiness.

"Do you like it?" Paul asked. It was partly rhetorical, but a small part of him really wanted to know and was nervous that she didn't.

Aubrey climbed into Paul's lap, burying her face in his chest and squeezing him tightly around his waist. She said quietly, "I love it. It's so pretty." She looked up at him, "Thank you, Paul. I love you."

"I love you too, Aubs."

Aubrey, staying cuddled up to Paul, turned to face Emma, whose eyes were shining at the exchange in front of her. The little girl quickly gestured for her mother to open her own present, "C'mon, Momma!"

Emma chuckled quietly, forcing back the mist in her eyes as she opened the present in her hands, finding her own jewelry box. When she opened it, she found a delicate silver bracelet with a heart charm, the same heart as the one on Aubrey's necklace, albeit a little bit smaller.

At the sight of it, she allowed a couple of tears fall from her eyes. Paul immediately reached up and wiped them away with his thumb.

"I got them so you guys can always match, and so you can always have the same heart because you guys are one and the same, and I love that," he murmured out. He wasn't too sure that it actually made sense-he didn't really have a way with words-but he hoped they got the gist.

Before he could say anything else, Emma choked out, "I love you so much."

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek before cuddling into his side, "Thank you."

The rest of the day, they sat just like that, cuddled on the couch. They watched countless movies and ate a ton of junk food, and Aubrey took great pleasure in practicing reading her new books aloud and putting on shows with her dinosaur figurines.

By 8 P.M, Aubrey was sleeping soundly sprawled across both adults' laps, and Emma was slowly dozing off against his arm as the credits of The Polar Express played softly on the TV. He could've gotten up and moved them to their respective beds, but they looked so peaceful and comfortable and didn't want to disturb them.

"Paul?" Emma mumbled sleepily, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah, baby?"

"I'm so glad you're in our life."

He looked down at her, his heart bursting. Her face was make-up free and natural, her eyes closed peacefully and a small smile on her lips. His eyes then flitted to Aubrey, whose mouth was open slightly as she slept, a bit of drool falling down her chin. Her hair was messy and her snoring was incredibly endearing.

He couldn't believe he had gotten so lucky. He pulled them both a little closer to him.

"I'm so glad you're in mine."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Emma go on a Valentine's Day date. Emma is worried she isn't doing enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I really didn't want there to be two holiday-centric fics in a row but college is ROUGH and this was the only thing I was inspired to write. 
> 
> I also wanted to get something up because it makes me feel good to have accomplished something, even if it's small. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

"Why can't I come to the restaurant with you!?"

Emma and Paul were getting ready to go on their Valentine's Day date, and Aubrey was not thrilled with the notion that she was being excluded. It's not like either adult didn't do anything for her for the holiday; they each got her a card and some little trinkets they thought she would like. However, she didn't appreciate that they were going to go have fun without her.

"Because Paul and I have a relationship that isn't exclusively about you, my dear child," Emma said jokingly, laughing slightly as Aubrey threw her head back in a groan.

Paul leant down and lifted Aubrey into his arms, holding her above his head and blowing raspberries onto her stomach, making her laugh, "We'll be back soon, and then we can watch whatever movie you want."

"Even a princess movie?"

Paul sighed, "Yes, even a princess movie."

"You'll have fun with Ann and James, Aubrey. You know you will," Emma said, rubbing her daughter's back lightly. She turned to Paul's parents, who were taking off their coats and shoes near the front door, "Thank you so much for watching her. I really appreciate it."

Emma had asked her parents, despite her best interest, if they wanted to watch Aubrey while she and Paul were on a date. They usually never turned down an opportunity, but this time was different. They refused to watch her while she was on a date with "_that man."_ They believed it was the equivalent of abandoning the child, which obviously wasn't true.

It hurt Emma that they didn't want her to be happy, but she knew there was going to be no getting through to them. She was incredibly relieved when Paul's parents agreed to watch her, because she would've had no other options and they would have to cancel the date. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She and Paul hadn't gone out alone for a while.

"Of course, sweetie. We wouldn't pass up a chance to hang out with our favorite little girl!" Ann exclaimed, making Aubrey smile wide, "She's the closest we have to a grandchild, you know. And you and our boy deserve to go out and have some alone time. I mean, look at you! You look gorgeous!"

Emma sent her a small smile as a blush spread across her cheeks, brushing a piece of her straightened hair behind her ear. She dug the long, dark red dress she had on out of her closet for the occasion and did her makeup a little more extravagantly than she usually did, much to Aubrey's excitement. She knew she made the right choice when Paul stopped in his tracks and was speechless when he walked through the door.

It took him thirty seconds and Aubrey prompting him, "Doesn't Mommy look beautiful!?" to get him to be able to respond.

"Y-You look absolutely stunning, Em," he had said, his voice low. He had walked up to her and immediately pressed a kiss to her lips, not being able to help himself.

"Thank you so much," Emma said to Ann. She turned to her daughter, who was hugging Paul around the legs, "We'll see you later, baby. Have fun!"

Aubrey transitioned to hugging her, "I will, Mommy! The pizza we're going to get is gonna be way better than whatever you guys are gonna get to eat anyway!"

Emma rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I'm sure. I love you."

"Love you too, Mommy!"

Aubrey scampered off to the living room, Paul's father's hand in hers, pulling him along. Ann laughed at the scene before she kissed both Paul and Emma's cheeks as they neared the door, "Have fun, you two. She'll be just fine."

"Thank you again, so much," Emma repeated.

Ann waved her hand in dismissal before she pushed past the couple and into the house, following after the child and her husband.

Paul took her hand into his, squeezing it tightly, "Ready?"

Emma smiled up at him, "Ready."   
—  
They hadn't gone out alone together in a _really _long time. Emma hadn't realized just how long until she realized how odd it felt to be sitting in a restaurant without Aubrey babbling about her day and coloring sloppily on the children's menu.

She suddenly felt awfully guilty. Had she been a bad girlfriend?

"Paul?" She piped up, pulling his attention from his menu, "Y-You don't think our relationship has become all about Aubrey, do you?"

Paul's eyebrows furrowed, and he reached over the table to squeeze her hand, "What? No, why would you think that?"

"It's just, not having us all together here is... weird. It feels weird. And it shouldn't feel weird, because I should be happy to be here just with you. I-I just feel like... do I not prioritize you enough?" She spoke quickly.

He looked confused, "No, Em, wha-"

She cut him off, rambling, "I'm sorry. It's just hard with having Aubrey all the time, since she doesn't like having babysitters all that much and I don't have any family I feel comfortable leaving her with. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm not putting enough effort into our relationship. I'm really trying."

She started chewing on her thumbnail, something she only did when she was incredibly nervous. Her eyes were cast down to their intertwined fingers, and he squeezed again.

"Emma, of course you put enough effort into our relationship. Of course you do. I love spending time with you, and with Aubrey. We go out alone enough, and I agree that it does feel weird without Aubrey here, but I don't think that it's a bad thing," he comforted, "For me, there's a perfect balance between us going out alone and spending time with Aubrey. Being with you comes with Aubrey by default, and I know that and I'm okay with that."

Emma let out a breath that she didn't know she was holding, "Are you sure? You don't want more alone time?"

Paul shrugged, "I don't think so, but if you do, I'm sure my parents would be happy to watch her more often. You're allowed to want to go out without her, you know? It doesn't have to be because of me. Just because you're her mom doesn't mean you can't have more time to focus on yourself."

Emma nodded, sending him a small smile, "I'll think about it. And I guess the weird feeling really isn't a bad thing. I think it just feels like that because she's so happy and funny all of the time."

"And all we have to talk about is boring work stuff?" Paul teased.

She laughed, "You know that's not what I mean."

"I know," he mused, "She's just a good distraction from adulthood."

Emma nodded, zoning out as he continued to talk, suddenly feeling really grateful.

She loved this man so much, and how much he loved her daughter. She wasn't one to really celebrate Valentine's Day in the past, having no one but Aubrey to celebrate with, but as long as Paul was in her life she would jump at the chance to do so.

She never thought that someone would be able to love her and continue to do so once they were made aware of Aubrey. There was nothing special enough about her that it would make any significant other stay or make an effort if they had an aversion to children or were caught off guard. She really didn't think she was worthy of any kind of spectacular love story.

She really thought she was going to be alone with Aubrey forever. She had prepared herself for that, and she was okay with that. Everyone else before had run.

But not Paul. Paul stayed. Paul loved her, and loved her child, and made them aware of that every day. No one could compare to him. She was so glad that he had ended up in Beanie's instead of Starbucks that day.

He was her spectacular love story, even though everything about them was little more than ordinary.

She wanted to tell him all of that, because he was staring at her adoringly with his bright blue eyes with a small smile on his lips, his face illuminated by the candle positioned in the middle of the table, looking so fucking handsome in his dress shirt. She really wanted to, but she suddenly felt slightly choked up and didn't want to ruin the dinner by crying.

She was so grateful for him.

All she could force out of her mouth was, "I love you so much. You know that, right?"

His smile widened, and he lifted her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles.

"Of course. I love you more than anything. You know that, right?"

She nodded, a blush spreading across her cheeks as she gazed at this man that meant the world to her. This man that she really didn't think she deserved.

"Yeah. Yeah I do."   
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubrey has her first school performance, but work might keep Paul from making it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOO Black Friday is officially out, aka the show that fucks the entire canon for this fic (kinda) but we're just gonna ignore that. This fic will stay free of Black Friday spoilers, but some characters might show up at the side for the sake of the plot at some point, I don't really know. 
> 
> Also I really didn't reread this fic for errors bc I'm lazy and busy with school so if there are problems please ignore them.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

"Paul, guess what! I have my first school concert next week! And I have solo!"

Aubrey nearly barreled him over when he walked through the front door of the house, holding a yellow flyer in her hands. She thrust it at him, and he took it, his eyes scanning the information on it.

"That's awesome, Aubs!"

She looked up at him, her eyes shining, "Can you come?"

His eyes flitted back to the paper, finding the date and time of the performance. The combination of numbers made his heart drop. It was Annual Review Day at CCRP, and the place pretty much became a war zone. Meetings after meetings after meetings took place, and it was the closest thing to hell Paul thought he would ever experience. 

"Oh Aubs," he knelt down in front of her, "That's a really busy day at work for me. I'll do everything I can to make it, but I don't want to make any promises."

She frowned, "Oh, okay."

"I'm sorry, bud. I'll try really hard, okay? I really want to be there."

Emma rounded the corner from the living room, "What're you guys doing? Dinner's on the table."

Paul stood up, kicking off his shoes and hanging his coat up as Aubrey went and wrapped her arms around Emma's legs.

"I was just telling Paul about my solo," she pouted, "He said he doesn't know if he'll be able to come."

"Oh," Emma looked up at Paul, seeing the look of regret in his eyes, "Work?"

Paul nodded, approaching them and pecking her lips quickly, "You know how I told you about Annual Review Day?"

Emma winced, whispering, "Ah, shit. She was really excited to tell you about it, too."

"I heard that, Mommy. Swear words aren't good," Aubrey said, letting go of her legs and sulking towards the dining room.

"I feel like crap," Paul said, pulling Emma into a hug, "Trust me, I'd much rather be there than at work."

"I know, but there's nothing you can do about it now," Emma sighed, obviously just as frustrated as he was. Not at him, of course, but she hated when Aubrey was disappointed, especially if it was something really important to her.

"I'm gonna try to do whatever I can to get there, b-but it doesn't look good," he said.

She laid her head on his chest, "I can film it for you. Of course it won't be the same but at least you'll still get to see it."

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "I'd like that. Thank you. How can I make it up to her?"

Emma shrugged, pulling out of his arms and taking his hand, starting to walk slowly towards the kitchen, "I really don't know. Uh, you can let her practice for you, I guess? I don't know, she seems pretty down in the dumps."

They peeked around the corner into the dining room, finding Aubrey's head bent sadly over her plate, pushing her food around instead of eating it. It broke their hearts.

Paul leant back against the wall, drawing out "Fuckkkkk" under his breath.

Emma smiled sadly at him, "Hey, you'll figure something out. Let's go eat dinner."

When it came time for Aubrey to go to bed, she only hugged Paul briefly and murmured, "I love you," before she took Emma's hand and pulled her to her bedroom. She usually begged for Paul to come with them, but this time she made no indication that she wanted him to join them.

After she was all settled, Emma came and sat down on the couch next to him, cuddling up into his side.

"I-Is she mad at me?" He asked hesitantly.

She shook her head, "I don't think she's mad. I just think she's trying to work through her emotions. I'm sorry she's giving you the cold shoulder."

"Eh, it's okay. I deserve it."

"No," Emma murmured, "No you don't, it's not your fault. There's nothing you can do. She's got too many feelings for her little body and she doesn't know what to do with all of them, so she keeps them in. Trust me, I know."

Paul laughed slightly, "Yeah?"

"She's been that way since she was two. I thought once the terrible twos were over, it would be better, but nope, here we are. I tell her that she can express anything she's feeling, and she tries, she's just not great at it yet. She'll work through them soon, she can't hold a grudge. Especially against you," she reassured, "If she could hold a grudge, I'd be fucked."

"I just hate that I'm disappointing her," he sighed, leaning the side of his head against the top of Emma's.

"I know, but you don't know for sure if you'll be able to come or not! You still might be able to. Ask at work on Monday about it, don't let stressing about it ruin your whole weekend," she said, looking up at him and puckering her lips for a kiss, which he provided.

"Somehow I don't think Mr. Davidson is gonna budge," he grumbled. At her pointed look, he added, "But it doesn't hurt to ask."

"That's right," she affirmed, "Hey, are you gonna stay here tonight?"

He wrapped his arms tighter around her, "Yeah, I think so, if that's okay with you. Maybe in the morning I'll treat you two to breakfast out. IHOP?"

"You can't bribe her with food, babe. That's not how it works."

"Maybe it isn't, but that isn't gonna stop me from trying."  
———  
Emma woke up that night to a tiny force pulling on her hand. She opened her eyes slowly, letting out a small groan as she did so.

"Wha-?"

"Shhh-," the source of the force spoke, making any annoyance Emma had filter out of her body.

"Aubrey, what-?"

Aubrey's big eyes peered at her from over the side of the bed. She had her finger positioned over her mouth in order to quiet her mother, gesturing her to come with her with her other hand.

Emma furrowed her eyebrows, and Aubrey's expression of desperateness pleaded with her in response. She slowly and gently pulled herself out of Paul's tender embrace, careful not to disturb his sleeping form. They had fallen asleep cuddling, which was common for them, but it never failed to make her heart flutter.

Aubrey took her hand as soon as she was on her feet, leading her away and to the living room.

"What's up, pumpkin?" Emma asked as soon as they were settled on the couch, Aubrey in her lap, head pressed against her chest.

"I couldn't sleep," the little one confessed, looking up at Emma timidly, "I have too many things in my head."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah," Aubrey mumbled, "But I don't know what to say."

"That's okay!" Emma comforted, "Can you think of anything that can describe it?"

"Um.... I-I'm not mad at Paul, but I'm just... upset that he might not be able to come. I-It makes me sad, I think, but it's not just sad- I don't know," Aubrey said, stumbling over her words. She was obviously torn up inside.

"Sweet girl, I think you might be frustrated and disappointed," Emma said slowly, giving the child time to work through the words.

"What's that mean?"

"Frustrated means something hasn't gone how you hoped or pictured something going and it makes you a little bit angry, and disappointed means that the thing not going how you pictured makes you sad."

"Oh," Aubrey said, contemplating, "Yeah, I think that's it."

"And those are really big feelings, so it's okay to feel a little confused about them. Especially when you were really, really excited about something and when you love the person causing it as much as you love Paul," Emma said softly, pressing a kiss to Aubrey's temple.

"I love Paul a lot," Aubrey said softly.

"Yeah, I know. And you're allowed to be upset. But Paul is also really upset," Emma added, rubbing her fingers through Aubrey's hair in an effort to soothe her.

"Why?" Aubrey asked curiously.

"Because he really wants to go, baby, and he might not be able to. He wants to see you get up there and sing, I know that. He also feels really bad that he's letting you down, and that you seemed so upset about it. He feels like it's his fault," Emma said.

"I-It's not his fault," Aubrey murmured, "But it's not-not his fault."

"I know, sweetie. You have the right to be upset, and to be disappointed and frustrated. You do. But, you also have to let Paul know that you're not really all that mad at him. He was asking me what he could do to make it all up to you before we went to bed. He cares a lot about you and doesn't want to see you upset," Emma explained, "There's really nothing he can do. If his boss says he can't make it, then he can't make it, that's just how it works, unfortunately."

"Well, I think work sucks," the little girl grumbled.

Emma chuckled softly, "I can understand that. Do you think you can try in the morning to let Paul know that it's okay?"

"Yeah, I'll try," Aubrey replied with a yawn.

"Thank you, baby. Now, let's go back to bed," Emma said, standing up and lifting Aubrey into her arms.

"Mommy, can I sleep with you?" Aubrey asked quietly as Emma ascended the stairs.

Emma sighed jokingly, "Ah yes, I suppose that's okay."

Emma tried to be quiet when she walked into her room as to not wake up Paul, but she was surprised to find him propped up on his elbows, looking at them with squinted eyes.

"What're you guys doing?" He mumbled, voice gravelly with sleep.

Emma chuckled, setting Aubrey down on the bed gently, "Just a late-night heart to heart. She's gonna lay with us, is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah of course," Paul said, his tone slightly surprised as Aubrey nestled herself into his side.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I didn't want to make you feel bad."

He wrapped his arms around her in a hug, "Hey, no worries! I feel bad that I'm letting you down, bud. You don't need to feel bad about anything."

"Okay," she murmured tiredly, tucking herself into Emma once the woman had gotten under the covers and wrapped her arms around the little girl.

Quickly, she was out like a light, both adults fading fast as well.

"I love you," Emma slurred out, resting her head on top of Aubrey's before her eyes fluttered closed.

"Love you too," he murmured, pressing a kiss to both of their foreheads before sleep overtook him, feeling a thousand pounds lighter than he did earlier that evening.  
———

The day of the performance quickly came, and Aubrey was incredibly excited. Overly excited, one might say. She couldn't stop talking about it.

She loved singing and performing at home in front of her mother and Paul, and now she got to do it on a stage! Despite her overall shyness, she was excited for the opportunity, and she was excited for the two most important people in her life to watch her do it.

Paul was having a surprisingly easy day at work. He had asked Mr. Davidson on Monday if there was any way he could pull any strings to be able to get off of work a little early in order to attend the performance, and the man had told him that it depended on how quickly everything got done. However, this Annual Review Day seemed like a joke when compared to the ones in the past. Sure, he was busy, and he was constantly doing something or sitting in meetings, but at least the load wasn't as overwhelming as he had been expecting it to be.

During his break, he confidently called Emma.

"Hey babe," he said, "Looks like I'll be able to make it!"

"Really?" Emma said, her voice full of slight shock. He had been really sure that he would be denied.

"Yep. This is the smoothest Annual Review Day has gone since I started working here. Work has been light all day."

"Aw, that's good," she said softly, clutching her phone to her ear as she watched Aubrey practice her three-lined solo over and over again as she danced around the living room, "I don't think I'm gonna tell her. I'm gonna leave it to be a surprise."

"Sounds good," Paul hummed, tapping his fingers against the wood of his desk, "Well, I'm gonna get back to work. I just wanted to call and let you know really quick. I'm so excited to see her get up there."

"Me too," Emma said, "We have to leave soon to go to rehearsal anyway. That should be a fun time, a room full of singing four year olds."

Paul chuckled, "Sounds exciting. I love you, Em. See you soon."

"Love you too."

With that, he hung up, starting back up with his typing, his fingers moving faster than they ever had before. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Despite his dislike of musicals, Aubrey being the one to do the performance made it different. It made it worth it.

He zeroed in on his work for the next couple of hours, not stopping to make small talk or looking up at the clock in boredom. If only he could be this motivated all the time, he thought, he would get so much more done! He didn't look up from his computer until a familiar figure stopped in front of his desk.

He looked up, finding Mr. Davidson looking uncomfortable and guilty, a pile of files in his hands. Paul's heart dropped.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I really need these files sorted and analyzed," his boss said guiltily, setting the pile on the desk gingerly.

"The performance starts in an hour," Paul said, more to himself than the man in front of him. Dread immediately began to fill his stomach, "Mr. Davidson, please. I already told my girlfriend that I would be there. Are you sure there's not anyone else that can do it?"

"Everyone else is busier than you," the man shrugged. His guilt was still there but he was more so back to being the hardheaded boss everyone at CCRP was used to, "Sorry, but I need you to do this."

Paul rubbed his eyes hard out of frustration, letting out a long sigh. Emma was going to be pissed at him. Aubrey, who had been banking on him finding out he was going to be able to go for a week, would be devastated that he wasn't there.

He couldn't lose them or their trust. He hoped an apology was enough, even though he knew in his heart that it probably wouldn't be.

He picked up his phone, noticing that his hands were shaking slightly. He sent a quick text to Emma.

_Hey. Mr. Davidson just piled a bunch of shit for me to do on my desk. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna try to get through it as fast as I can so I can get there at least to see some of it. I'm so, so sorry._

He quickly locked his phone, not being able to face the disappointment and slight anger he was sure to find in her response. However, ten minutes later, when his phone vibrated loudly and repeatedly against the hard desk, he couldn't help but pick it up.

She was calling. His heart dropped as he pressed the answer button and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hi baby," he said softly.

"Paul, what the fuck?" Emma replied. She didn't sound mad; she was speaking quietly and her tone was full of disappointment and sadness. He could hear the murmuring of a crowd through the phone. She must've already been waiting in the audience, with an empty seat beside her that would probably not be filled.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," he said, suddenly feeling choked up. He wiped his eyes quickly, "I- I don't even know what to say."

"Paul, she heard me talking to you, saying that I was gonna keep it a surprise. She didn't tell me until we got here because she didn't want me to think she was eavesdropping. She thinks you're coming, and there's no way for me to get back to talk to her. Even if there was, I don't know if I would," Emma said quickly, "She's gonna come out onto the stage, and see you're not here."

"Em," he replied. He instantly felt crushed.

"It's just-," she said before pausing, taking a deep breath, "-I'm not mad, I'm not. B-but we're going to have to talk about this, because she doesn't deserve to get her heart broken like this, okay? She has a huge heart that's fragile when it comes to the people she loves."

"I-I know, Em. I'm so sorry," Paul said, biting his lip to quell the uncharacteristic set of tears that was building in his eyes at the thought of Aubrey's devastated face when she sees he's not there, "I-I'm gonna get back to work, I guess. I love you so much."

"Love you too," she said quietly, monotonously, before hanging up, leaving him with his thoughts of self-deprecation.   
———

It was times like those that she really felt completely alone even though she was not.

Sitting alone at her daughter's first school performance, a strikingly empty fold-up chair next to her, her chest feeling like it was being crushed, she felt how she did when Aubrey was first put into her care- confused, stressed, upset, sad.

She really meant it when she said she wasn't mad at Paul. She wasn't mad. But she couldn't process the ultimate dread that was flooding over her at the thought of seeing her baby girl's devastated face when she sees that the man isn't sat next to her mother, excitedly recording her and clapping when she was done with her singing. Her girl deserved the world, not the overwhelming feelings that she would be forced to deal with as she stood in front of a group of adults, trying to prepare herself to give her first performance ever.

She was going to have to try and heal the fractured trust that Aubrey had in Paul, and she didn't know what it would take to do so. More than anything, she was scared about that.

As the pre-school teachers climbed onto the risers in order to speak to the group of doting parents in front of them about the content of the performance and how hard the kids have worked, Emma felt as though she was in another world. She wasn't able to make out any of the words the two women were saying, too preoccupied by her thoughts.

Soon, everyone around her was applauding, the teachers walked back down the risers and the kids started to replace them. Emma's heart began pounding.

Aubrey was one of the last ones to get into position. She was in the very front row in the center, and as soon as she made eye contact with Emma a grin split her face and she waved rapidly.

Emma forced a smile onto her own face and sent a small wave back. She could see Aubrey's eyes flicker to the seat next to her, ready to send the same gesture to Paul, but she was immediately stopped by the lack of his presence.

The little girl frowned, her gaze moving back to her mother.

_I'm so sorry, _Emma mouthed to Aubrey, hoping she got the message. When the woman could see her daughter's eyes glaze over with tears, she knew the little one did. Her heart broke.

Aubrey looked down at her feet as the teachers introduced the class, trying to hold back her tears. She had to sing, she didn't want to be crying while she did.

The program began, the tiny kids singing off key and doing hand movements out of synch that coordinated with the lyrics. Aubrey seldom looked up from the ground, but Emma could tell she was singing every word. Whenever she raised her gaze, Emma was sure to give her a bright smile and a thumbs up. She was so proud of her girl.

Emma's attention was ripped from the child when frantic footsteps sounded from the back of the small gym. None of the other parents or families paid any attention, but she turned her head to look towards the commotion.

What she found made her heart stop.

Paul was rushing towards her, a bouquet of flowers held under his arm, his forehead shining with sweat. His gaze immediately turned from worried to relieved when he caught her eyes, slowing his pace slightly until he reached her. He quickly plopped down in the seat next to her, letting out a large sigh as he relaxed back into the furniture.

"Paul, what-," she murmured, her words being interrupted by his hand on hers.

"Bill, Ted, and Charlotte took the rest of my workload. They knew how much this meant to me. I got here as soon as I could. She hasn't done her solo yet, has she?"

Emma shook her head, "No. I-I'm really glad you're here."

He smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her cheek before moving his eyes to the performance before them. His face dropped when he saw Aubrey, head bent sadly.

"She saw your empty chair," Emma whispered, "She's barely looked up since she came out."

"Shit," Paul murmured under his breath. He leaned into the aisle between the rows of chairs so he was more visible, ready to catch Aubrey's gaze whenever she looked up.

The song finished, and one of the teachers went up to the mic, saying, "Now, during this next song, we have a solo from one of our very talented students, Aubrey Perkins! Please give her a hand!"

The audience began clapping as Aubrey stepped forward, lifting her head up to reveal her glossy eyes. She had a deep frown on her face, her eyes searching for her mother, but as soon as she caught sight of Paul, a smile immediately crept onto her face.

He waved at her, and she returned the gesture, albeit much larger and exaggeratedly. She stepped up to the microphone, and it caught a slight giggle leave her lips as Paul started clapping excitedly for her.

She sang her little heart out. By the end, he felt like he was going to cry, squeezing Emma's hand in his. He looked over at her, finding tears of pride falling down her cheeks, and he leaned over to kiss her temple.

"That's your girl," he said softly as the music slowed.

She looked at him, eyes shining, and murmured, "That's _our _girl."

Paul didn't have time to respond before the song ended, and he and Emma both burst up and out of their seats, clapping and whistling for Aubrey. The girl's cheeks grew red from the attention as she laughed before retreating back to her spot with the rest of the students.

When the performance ended, Aubrey ran right up and launched herself at the two adults, who simultaneously picked her up and hugged her in between them.

"You did so good, baby girl," Emma said to her as they broke the hug and she set the child on her hip.

"Thank you, Mommy," Aubrey said bashfully, nestling her head against Emma's as she turned her gaze to Paul.

"You almost didn't make it, Paul! I was sad," she said, and both adults could tell her feeling were still a little hurt.

"I know, Aubrey, and I'm so sorry. But I got here as soon as I could, and I even was able to stop and get you these," he said, pulling the flower bouquet that the girl hadn't caught sight of yet out from behind his back, hoping that they would make up for it.

She gasped dramatically as she reached one hand out to grasp the flowers, "I love them! Thank you Paul!"

"No problem, bud. I'm so glad I got to see you, and you know I don't like musicals, but you were that good!"

Aubrey giggled at that, her cheeks becoming rosy again from the compliment.

"How about we get home so we can put these pretty flowers in some water, and then we can go out for dinner? Sound good?"

Aubrey nodded enthusiastically, and together the group made their way out to the cars, Aubrey held in Emma's arms and one of Paul's arms wrapped around them.

As Paul watched Emma load Aubrey into the car and smile at him before they pulled away towards Emma's house, all he could think about was how much he loved those girls.

He loved them so much, he didn't even know how to describe it or show it to them.

Until he did, he would just continue with what seemed right, which always seemed enough for them.

They were his favorite people, after all. He would do whatever it took.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma, Paul, and Aubrey take a trip to the park, and they see some familiar faces. 
> 
> And some ducks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is probably really bad bc I wrote it in like an hour but I wanted to write some fluff really bad, given the entire world situation at the moment. 
> 
> (And yes this chapter has a Charlotte x Ted subplot because I’m really soft for them at the moment but it’s not really going to become a main aspect of this fic so if that’s not your cup of tea, don’t worry. It’ll probably only be mentioned briefly in the future.)
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and I hope you all are staying safe! Thank you for reading!

Aubrey Perkins loved a lot of things.

She loved her Mommy, obviously, and her Paul, and Disney movies and dinosaurs and singing and telling jokes that made even adults laugh.

What she loved maybe most of all, though, were animals. Especially baby ones. She also loved flowers. Because of that, she really loved spring.

Emma had noticed it back when Aubrey was a baby, which seemed like an odd thing to notice in a small child, but it was just that apparent. She was happier in spring, toddling around the yard after bugs and squirrels and picking any and all things that even remotely resembled flowers, even though they were, in fact, weeds.

(Emma was allergic to them, but she couldn't turn down a hand-made bouquet given to her from Aubrey's chubby little fist. She just learned to double up on her allergy medication as soon as the little shitheads started to sprout.)

She only grew more happy and excited in spring as she grew older, and Emma wondered if it had to do with having the opportunity to finally get out her boundless energy without being weighed down by layers and layers of clothes.

So, as the temperature in Hatchetfield started to rise and the snow started to melt away, Aubrey was immediately begging to go to the lakeside park and admire the rebirth of everything green, and the baby ducks that were sure to show up in multitudes.

Emma had promised her a particular weekend, and Paul of course agreed to attend as well, and so, early on a Saturday afternoon, they packed up a small picnic and drove the twenty minutes to the park.

"Are you sure there will baby ducks, Mommy?" Aubrey questioned from the back seat, bouncing up and down in excitement. She nearly bounced off the walls that morning when she finally got to wear her unicorn hoodie without a winter coat covering it. She was so excited, and it made Emma's heart warm knowing that something as small as a trip to the park made her so happy.

"Um, I'm pretty sure, baby. Don't worry though, if there's not, we can always come back a little later," Emma assured.

Aubrey grunted in response, "But they're always there on our first trip!"

Paul chuckled lightly, squeezing Emma's hand over the shifter as he used the other one to steer. He whispered, as to not offend the child, "She's very particular, huh?"

Emma rolled her eyes, "Yeah, haven't you figured that out yet? You would think she was a grandmother with the way she's obsessed with traditions."

Paul shrugged, "I mean, it's just really important to her. I had stuff we did every year when I was a kid that always had to happen a certain way, more or less, for it to feel right."

"Eh, it's probably because I have shitty parents who didn't care about traditions unless they were for Jane," Emma said, and he could tell she was trying to present it as a joke, but he could hear the slight bitterness in her tone.

"Hey," he said, squeezing her hand again as they were pulling up to the park, "You've already made your own traditions with Aubrey, and you have the rest of your life to make more. Screw your parents."

Emma smiled up at him gratefully, though her eyes still shone with a small amount of distant sadness, "Yeah, you're right."

"Always am."

She punched him jokingly in the arm, "Yeah, don't get too big of a head there."

Their banter was interrupted as they pulled into the park, which illicited a loud squeal from Aubrey which then made both adults laugh.

They quickly parked and gathered everything they needed from the car before walking towards the lake and looking for a good place to lay down their picnic blanket. Paul had been afraid that the ground would still be too soft and muddy from the snow melting but it was perfect. The sun was out and there was a nice breeze. Everything was right.

"Mommy, look! Duckies!" Aubrey exclaimed soon after they set up the picnic and started eating.

Emma's gaze traveled over to where Aubrey was pointing, smiling at the sight of the eight baby ducks following after their mother, "They're pretty cute, huh?"

"Yep," Aubrey said, her eyes bright. She blindly reached over and patted Paul's leg, trying to grab his attention, "Paul, look at the duckies!"

But Paul's attention was elsewhere, looking over his shoulder towards the pathway behind him. Emma nudged his side, whispering, "Paul, look at the goddamn ducks before she takes you down."

She looked over in the direction of his gaze, quickly realizing what he was looking at. Ted and Charlotte, hand in hand, were diverting from the path and walking towards them. Emma noticed that Charlotte looked a lot happier than she ever had before, and she assumed it was because of the sheer lack of Sam in her life, and for some reason Emma would never understand, the addition of Ted. He treated her right, Emma knew, but that didn't mean he wasn't still a jerk to everyone else.

She also quickly realized that they had never met Aubrey before, only heard about her, and, while Charlotte was sure to be sweet and kind to the little girl, Ted was debatable.

Paul looked down at her, smiling nervously. Her eyebrows furrowed and she whispered again, "Is Ted gonna be an asshole to my kid like he is to everyone else?"

The man didn't have time to respond before Ted said, his voice raised in volume so he could be heard from the distance he was at, "Oh, would you look at the cute little family!?" It earned him a soft elbow in the side from the woman beside him.

"Hello Paul! Hello Emma!" Charlotte said softly as they approached. The smile on her face grew when Aubrey looked up at the newcomers.

"And you must be Aubrey!" Charlotte said.

Aubrey's eyebrows furrowed, and her gaze shot from Paul to Emma, searching for an explanation. Paul scrambled to his feet, the interruption of their day by people he usually only saw at work with the exception of a friend dinner once every few weeks clearly making him slightly uncomfortable.

"Aubs, these are my friends from work," Paul explained, "This is Ted, and this is Charlotte."

Aubrey nestled into Emma's side, hiding half of her face in the woman's hoodie, her shyness making a reappearance. Even though she had gotten much more confident while she was at school, she still wasn't too fond of being introduced to new people, especially adults.

Emma laughed softly, wrapping her arm around Aubrey. "Aubrey, baby, they're nice! They're Paul's friends, and Paul isn't friends with mean people," Emma reassured. She looked up from her girl, her eyes narrowing at Ted as a warning as she rethought her statement, "Well, Ted is questionable."

Ted raised his hands in surrender, "Hey, I reserve my asshole behavior for adults at my place of employment."

Emma was feisty as it was. Ted really didn't want to find out what Mama Bear Emma looked like.

He assumed it resembled an actual bear, only scarier.

"That's a naughty word," Aubrey piped up, removing her head from where it was hiding and narrowing her eyes in a similar way to how Emma's were.

"Woah, twins!" Ted teased, “Look at that, Paul, you’ve got two of ‘em!”

"Yeah, uh, no swearing in front of her, okay?" Paul said while using a hesitant hand to pat Ted's shoulder.

"What's the occasion for a picnic?" Charlotte asked delicately, figuring that she should take over the conversation before Ted did irreversible damage.

"Oh, Aubrey and I have always come out here around this time to see the flowers and the baby ducks," Emma explained, "So, this year we dragged Paul out with us as well."

"There was no dragging involved," Paul pointed out, "Of course I came."

"I love spring!" Aubrey exclaimed, perking up and smiling at Charlotte. Emma noticed that she seemed to be growing comfortable with the other woman. She kept avoiding Ted's gaze as he and Paul talked, so him, maybe not so much.

Charlotte knelt down beside them, "You know what, me too! I really love flowers because I like to plant them, and I think all of the baby animals are adorable!"

Aubrey gasped, "You plant flowers? What kinds?"

"All sorts of kinds," Charlotte said, happy that someone was taking interest in her hobby, "They make my backyard feel bigger, and I like to go out into my garden during the summer and read in a chair with my cats."

"You have cats!?" Aubrey asked excitedly, "I love cats! I really want one, or a dog, but Mommy keeps saying no."

Emma rolled her eyes somewhat jokingly, but it was something that came up a lot even though she had given the child a concrete answer, "I told you baby, you can get a cat when you turn six, okay?"

She turned to Charlotte, "I'd like her to learn a little bit more about responsibility and know that she's committed to helping me take care of one before we get one. Hopefully kindergarten will let that happen."

Charlotte nodded, "That's probably a good idea. You know, Aubrey, you can come and visit my cats whenever you want, and see my flowers, if that's okay with your mom."

Emma smiled gratefully, "That sounds like a great idea. Aubs, will that hold you over?"

Aubrey giggled, "Yeah, I think so."

"Cool. We can set that up soon."

Aubrey stood up from her spot next to Emma and shuffled over to Charlotte, staring at her feet bashfully, "Thank you, Ms. Charlotte."

"Of course, honey," Charlotte replied, rubbing Aubrey's arm gently.

Soon, Charlotte and Ted were on their way, leaving the three to finish their lunch.

"So, Charlotte and Aubs really hit it off, huh?" Paul said, taking a swig of water.

"Yeah, Aubrey really seemed to like her," Emma said, watching as Aubrey skipped back in forth a few yards away from them, following different bugs and pausing periodically to watch the ducks waddle around the shoreline, "And Charlotte was really good with her."

"Yeah, she's always talked about having kids," Paul shrugged, "I think she used to volunteer with kids at after-school programs, but Sam made her stop. I think she's mentioned something like that."

"I don't know, maybe it's better she didn't have any kids with Sam," Emma replied, "That way he’s not in her life at all anymore."

"She's talked about it more since they got divorced, so maybe she's thinking about it again."

"Yeah, because Ted would be a hell of a father," Emma snorted.

"I don't know, there must be a side of him we don't see," Paul said, and Emma had to agree with that. She hoped Charlotte would know better than to get with another person who treated her the same way Sam did, and that she now knew her worth.

"Mommy, Paul! Come on!" Aubrey called, "I want to play something!"

The sun was getting low in the sky, and Emma knew they would have to leave soon. She leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek, "Hey, go play with her. I'll pick this stuff up."

"Don't have to ask me twice," Paul said quickly, standing up and jogging towards Aubrey. Emma heard the cacophony of giggles that escaped the little girl as Paul swooped her up as he ran past her, bouncing her in his arms wildly.

She laughed to herself, her cheeks warming. They really were her world.

As she finished packing the food scraps into the bag they had brought and was starting to fold the blanket up, she felt a delicate hand tapping her shoulder. She looked up, finding an old lady standing behind her, a delicate smile on her lips.

Before Emma could ask if she needed something, the woman spoke softly and slowly, gesturing to Paul and Aubrey, "I've been sitting on a bench most of the day, and you kids caught my eye," she said, her eyes glinting, "You have a beautiful family. You're very lucky."

Emma looked back over at the two, Paul now kneeling on the ground and letting Aubrey run into him, falling over and letting her tackle him every time she made impact. Aubrey's giggles and his pained laughs kept floating over to Emma in the breeze.

They must've been playing some knight-slaying-the-dragon game or whatever the hell they did, and she knew Paul would be sore in the morning from repeatedly letting himself fall, but she also knew he didn't care, as long as Aubrey was having fun.

Her gaze returned to the lady, whose hand was still gently placed on the younger woman's shoulder.

  
Emma smiled again, and it must've been the thousandth time that day that she did so. She was convinced her cheeks were going to start aching soon. 

"Thank you so much," she replied to the elderly woman, "I am the luckiest girl in the world."

She hoped the harsh golden light from the setting sun hid the traces of happy tears welling in her eyes.


	13. Flashback 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little flashback of Emma and Aubrey’s life before Paul. 
> 
> Aubrey is sick, Emma doesn’t know what to do, and they run into a face from the latter’s past. Emma has some feelings about Jane.
> 
> *WARNING* This chapter has non-graphic mentions of hospitals, surgeries, and illness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a flashback that I’ve had sitting around for a while and I’ve been meaning to incorporate it into a chapter like I’ve done with flashbacks before, but I didn’t have any good places to put it. I ended up mentioning the events of this in the next chapter set in the present, but that chapter is too long for me to have put this into it too, so I thought I should just publish it by itself. 
> 
> I’ve been working on two other fics that I may publish at some point: a paulkins baby fic that I’ve been writing forever and only now started to feel confident about posting, and a VERY self-indulgent Ted/Charlotte fic, so keep a look out for those if you’re into those things. 
> 
> Also, this and the next chapter are kinda sad, so I’m sorry. But after that it’s happy again!

"Aubrey, baby, please stop crying."

Emma bounced around the living room, trying to coax the child to calm down. The little thing hadn't stopped screaming for what seemed like forever, and she wasn't much of a crier.

Emma wasn't sure what to do. The two-year-old seemed to have a slight cold, just some sniffles and a slight cough, but she had symptoms like that before and it had never warranted this type of episode.

"Mama," Aubrey hiccuped, her glassy brown eyes looking up at Emma, pleading for something unknown. The woman herself started to grow upset, seeing how sad Aubrey was.

"Sweet girl, I don't know what you want! Can you tell me what's wrong?" Emma asked, somewhat frantically.

The child buried her face back into Emma's neck, flooding it with tears. Her full body was shuddering from sobs, and it was almost as if she was shivering as well. Emma took a hand and placed it on Aubrey's forehead, much to the girl's dismay, and found her to be burning up, hotter than she had ever felt when she was sick before.

How could I not have noticed?Emma scolded herself before her attention was pulled back to Aubrey, who was holding a shaking hand to her lower abdomen. Emma's heart dropped.

"Owie, Mama," she mumbled out before sobs overtook her again. Emma felt her whole body freeze. Her appendix? No. Fuck, this can't be happening.

She felt panic overtake her, her chest beginning to heave as her breathing grew frantic. She didn't know what to do. This wasn't part of the plan. Aubrey had never had an illness worse than strep throat. She didn't know what to do.

Her head began to grow fuzzy and dizziness overcame her before her daughter wailed yet again and brought her back to reality.

"Okay, Aubs, you're okay! I'm gonna check your temperature and then we're gonna go to the doctor, okay?" Emma assured, more so for herself than for her frantic daughter.

She all but ran to the bathroom, throwing open every drawer on the vanity all the while murmuring "Shit, shit, shit, where the hell is it" under her breath until her hand landed on the thermometer. She placed it gently in her child's ear, pulling it out quickly when it beeped. The number on the small digital screen made her chest tighten.

"Okay, muffin, do you want to bring anything to the doctor? A toy? Your blankie?" Emma asked as she quickly carried the child to the front door, sitting her on the small bench located next to it and quickly putting shoes on her feet.

"B-Blankie," Aubrey sniffled, her cries quieting slightly.

Emma nodded, sending her a soft, panicky smile, "We can do that."

As soon as she retrieved the blanket, she rushed out of the door and to the car, fumbling with the car seat buckle. Aubrey whined in discomfort, shifting in her seat as she hovered a hand over her abdomen again, "Mama, h-hurts."

"I know, Aubrey, I know. We're gonna go to the doctor and they'll help you feel better, I promise."

"No l-like doctor," Aubrey's eyebrows furrowed in distress.

"I know, pumpkin, but I can't do anything to make it stop hurting, okay? Only the doctor can. Trust me, we wouldn't be going unless we absolutely had to, okay?" Emma said quickly.

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Aubrey's forehead as the little girl nodded. The heat of the little girl's skin under her lips made her feel panicky again, so she quickly shut the door and ran around to get into the driver's seat.

Her hands clutched the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles grew white and began to ache. She had never driven so recklessly as she did on the way to the hospital, not since Jane, and never with Aubrey in the car, but she didn't know how long the child had been feeling the pain. She didn't know exactly what was wrong with her. She didn't know how far away from catastrophe they were.

From the shrill cries of Aubrey, Emma could only assume that they were pretty damn close, and that scared the hell out of her.

Once they reached St. Damiens, she nearly ran to the entrance of the emergency room with Aubrey cradled in her arms. She was too old and too big to be held like a baby, but it was the only way Emma could relieve the pain that any bumps that her movements could've caused.

One of the nurses at the front desk stood up when she saw the fear on Emma's face.

"My daughter," Emma started, chest heaving for air. Those words still felt foreign on her lips, even after a year and a half, "has a very high fever, and she's showing me that her lower abdomen hurts. S-She's been crying all day, but she d-didn't tell me what was wrong until around a half-hour ago. I don't know what's wrong, but she needs to be seen. Please."

The nurse sent her a comforting smile before reaching to page someone. She then walked around the other side of the desk and guided Emma over to where some stretchers were lined up, instructing her to put Aubrey on one of them. When they didn't start moving, Emma spoke again.

"Excuse me, what are we waiting for?" She asked, trying to sound as patient as possible, as if they could refuse to take care of them if she was rude.

The nurse placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it comfortingly, "We have to wait for someone from the Pediatrics wing to come get you. They should be on their way now." She tilted her head, looking at Emma with an expression of slight confusion, "Is there anyone that you want to call, sweetie? From the sound of it, she may have appendicitis, and I wouldn't want you to be waiting alone while she's in surgery."

The color drained from Emma's face at the mention of surgery, and the nurse immediately noticed, "Oh, honey, don't worry. She'll be just fine."

Emma nodded, swallowing hard and answering the nurse's prior question, "No, there's no one to call."

She wasn't about to have her fucking parents show up at the hospital and yell at her and accuse her of being a bad mother, as if she could've caused this herself.

Could she have?

The nurse's eyebrows furrowed, but she said no more.

Another nurse, this one with flaming red hair, rounded the corner and was waved over by the nurse Emma had been talking to. Emma would've recognized her anywhere.

"Becky Barnes?" She murmured weakly. Becky looked surprised.

"Emma Perkins?"

Emma had never been very nice to the woman standing in front of her during high school. She wasn't a bully, but she wasn't what would be called nice. She hadn't seen the other woman since then, but now her daughter's health was in her hands.

Emma's face crumpled, tears desperately trying to escape her eyes, "B-Becky, please, my daughter-"

Becky sent her an unexpected smile, beginning to push the stretcher and gesturing her to follow. Becky asked softly, "What's her name?"

"Aubrey."

"Hi, Aubrey! I'm Nurse Becky. I heard you have an owie, huh?" The woman spoke gently to the child.

Aubrey, not one to appreciate a stranger's company, just stared blankly at Becky as she sobbed.

"She's a little shy," Emma confirmed, squeezing Aubrey's hand.

"Oh, that's no problem. How old are you, Aubrey?"

The little girl sniffled before holding up two shaking fingers.

"Two! Wow, you're a big girl!" Becky said, smiling as Aubrey nodded in agreement.

Emma laughed lightly, though the tears in her eyes were dangerously close to falling, "She doesn't let me call her my baby anymore because she's a big girl, but she'll always be Mama's baby, huh?"

Aubrey nodded again, this time somewhat reluctantly, her stubbornness showing through.

Becky's eyes caught Emma's again, and they were filled with so many unanswered questions.

"You're probably confused," Emma added quietly, "I can explain later."

Becky shook her head, "Oh no, you don't owe me an explanation."

"Yes I do," Emma nodded firmly.

She wasn't sure if she meant explaining about Aubrey, or where she had been, or what had gone down in high school. She supposed all three. She had nothing to hide anymore, not when she was crying in front of this woman.

"Okay," Becky relented, turning her attention back to the little girl on the stretcher as the reached the pediatric ward of the hospital, "Aubrey, where is your owie? Can you show me?"

Aubrey let out a large sob that broke Emma's heart as she moved her hand back down to her lower abdomen.

"Has she thrown up or seemed nauseous?"

"She hasn't wanted to eat all day, which isn't her at all. She hasn't thrown up, but she's told me that she felt icky. I thought she just has a cold because she was coughing and sneezing too," Emma said rapidly as they were wheeled into a room.

You're an awful mother, she told herself silently, You should've seen the signs.

"Okay," Becky said calmly, "I am going to bring her right over to get some scans done since you don't know exactly how long she's been in pain. I'll meet the doctor there and when we're done, we'll come back and talk to you about what we find and where we go from here."

She gestured to the chair that was tucked into the corner of the room, "You're welcome to wait here while I take her back."

Emma sucked in a breath, shaking her head, "I can't go with her? Please, she doesn't do well in unfamiliar places, I-"

Becky cut her off with a sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry, Emma. We'll be right back, I promise."

Emma relented hesitantly, going and leaning over to press a kiss to Aubrey's cheek, "Hey Aubs? Nurse Becky is going to bring you to take some pictures so they can figure out why you have an owie, okay? It'll be really quick."

"Mama come?" Aubrey asked through her cries.

Tears filled her eyes, "I can't, baby. You'll be right back, and-," Emma looked up at Becky, her expression imploring, "-they'll take really good care of you, okay? I love you so much."

"L-Love you," Aubrey replied, her face filled with fear.

"Don't be scared, pumpkin. You'll be okay."

Becky interjected, "I promise, once we're all done, you'll get a present. Does that sound good?"

Aubrey nodded hesitantly, and Becky took that as her cue. She began to push the stretcher back out into the hallway, forcing Emma to step back. When she was halfway through the door, Becky looked back at her.

"Don't worry. We'll be back soon."

When they disappeared around the corner, Emma let her tears escape. She stumbled backward and collapsed into the chair, sobs shaking her body. God, she wished she had somebody to call, somebody that could come in and wrap their arm around her and let her cry into their shoulder. She couldn't do this alone, but she had to try.

It felt like years had gone by before Becky came back through the door without Aubrey, an unreadable expression on her face.

Without Aubrey.

Emma's head immediately shot to the worse place possible as she stood up, her entire body shuddering.

Before she could work up the strength to say anything, to make her trembling lips open and shove any semblance of words through them, Becky walked forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"We did a scan. She has appendicitis, and it was advanced so they immediately put her under and brought her into surgery. She should be just fine. We're lucky we caught it when we did."

"Was she okay?" Emma choked out, the words being the only things she could find.

Her baby was in surgery, and she didn't get to do anything of the things she would have if she had known that would be the last time seeing her before. She didn't get to reassure her over and over that everything would be okay, and how much she loved her with every fiber of her being. Her heart felt like it was shattering.

"She was a little scared, but I promised her that present and a popsicle after she was done. She did great with the anesthesia and everything, sometimes little kids fight it," Becky said.

Emma nodded stiffly, murmuring, "Thank you."

She went to sit back in the chair, but Becky stopped her, "We're gonna go out into the waiting room."

"We?" Emma asked.

"Yeah," Becky affirmed, smiling, "I heard from the other nurse that there's no one for you to call. I'm gonna sit with you while we wait for updates. No one deserves to wait alone."

Emma nodded again, allowing the other woman to guide her out into the waiting room with a gentle hand on her back. The drab room was filled with other anxious parents and bored siblings, only making her mind race faster.

Once they were settled, Emma sat hunched in her chair, she spoke softly, "So, I have to explain-"

Becky shook her head, grabbing one of Emma's hands and squeezing slightly, "You don't have to explain anything to me, I already told you that."

"No, it'll help me if I talk about her," Emma said, choked up again, "Please."

Becky softened, nodding. She didn't let go of the other woman's hand.

"She's Jane's daughter. Biologically. She wanted me to have her if anything happened to her and her husband," Emma murmured.

Becky sucked in a breath. She and Jane had been friends in high school- they were both on the cheer team- but they had never really reconnected after they graduated. They never even reached out to each other online. Hell, Becky didn't even know Jane ever had a baby.

Part of Emma's distaste towards Becky had been a result of her and Jane's friendship; Emma wasn't too keen on making friends in school. She never really fit in, and she was a stubborn and sometimes mean and bitter child that more or less kept to herself as a result of the unmeetable expectations her parents had for her. Jane, on the other hand, was kind and sweet and smart and all of the qualities that made up a good daughter and friend. People flocked to Jane; she gave off a light that attracted people to her. Whether that was out of jealousy or intrigue, Emma couldn't say.

They flocked to Jane, and they shoved Emma off into the corner like she was a complete outcast. Maybe she was. Maybe she still was. She really didn't know.

Jane and Becky had been in the same grade, and Emma was three grades below them. By the time Emma was even in high school, Jane and Becky were seniors and had a whole entourage that would barely even look in Emma's direction. Not like she wanted friends like them anyways. None of them would understand her.

On top of all of that, Emma had thought Becky had a faux nice and sweet disposition and was crazy popular, even more popular than Jane, which made it default for her to dislike the redhead.

And now she was a pediatric nurse. Maybe she was wrong about her.

"Oh," Becky let out after a few beats of shock, "I'm so sorry I never reached out after the accident, Emma."

Everyone in Hatchetfield knew of the accident, whether they knew the details of the victim's lives or not. People in Hatchetfield didn't really care about details. Emma wasn't surprised Becky didn't know about Aubrey.

Emma shook her head, "Why would you have? I was never very nice to you."

"But that doesn't mean I couldn't have been kind to you when you were grieving," Becky said softly, "Especially when you were apparently raising a baby unexpectedly. She must've been really little when..,' she trailed off.

Emma nodded, "She was only a few months old. She's been with me ever since, despite what my parents want," she scoffed at the thought, shaking her head.

Becky could tell she didn't want to elaborate on that, so she let it be.

"She's the best thing ever," Emma let out, her eyes filling with tears again, "I can't lose her."

"And you won't," Becky affirmed, "It's a routine surgery. She seems to be a trooper. She'll be fine."

"How is recovery for things like this?" Emma asked hesitantly. She didn't want her baby girl to be in pain for an extended period of time, especially since she would have to eventually leave her alone with a babysitter or at daycare during her recovery when she needed to go to work.

The nurse squeezed her hand again, "It's a fairly non-invasive surgery. She'll have to take it easy for about a week or two, but after that, she'll be up and about. We'll prescribe her pain medicine. She'll probably wake up a couple of times a night for the first few nights, and then you can give her the medicine when she does. It'll probably be easier to have her in bed with you then."

"Oh don't you worry," Emma murmured out in a small laugh, "She'll be sleeping with me for a while."

She wasn't sure how she was ever going to let Aubrey out of her sight ever again.

"How have things been for you?" Emma questioned quietly, trying to take her mind off of the situation at hand.

Becky shrugged, "Alright. I love my job. I was married, but I got... I got divorced a few years ago, so that's just how it is. It's just... life, I suppose."

Her eyes were distant when she spoke of her marriage as if it wasn't the whole story. Emma didn't want to pry.

Becky quickly shook it off, a tiny smile forming on her face, "I started seeing Tom Houston from high school again a few months ago, though, and that's been really, really nice."

Emma just nodded, not really knowing what to say. What do you really say to a person you barely know anymore, but when you did know them, you weren't very kind?

Becky noticed her hesitance, so she spoke, "So, what's your girl like?"

Emma laughed lightly, "She's the actual best. She's wild, but she's so smart and intuitive. She loves to cuddle but she also loves to sass me with whatever words she has. She's all the best parts of Jane." She shrugged, "I never wanted kids, but at this point, I really have no idea what I would do without her. It's always been touch and go, but I love her so much. She's so worth it."

"Any romantic interests?" Becky joked, laughing slightly as Emma rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, no, definitely not. I don't go out much. Not at all, really. I have to focus on raising Aubrey, at least for right now. It may have been a year and a half, but I still don't really think I have the hang of being a mom yet," she replied.

Becky shook her head, "I don't think that's true. She obviously loves you and she seems really well-cared for, so you must be doing something right."

Emma smiled in appreciation, her eyes cast into her lap. She wasn't anything special when it came to motherhood, but she tried her best.

She couldn't help but let her mind wander and imagine just how much better Jane's reaction to this situation would've been. She would've been calm, cool, and collected when interacting with the child, not emotional and erratic like Emma had been. Emma was pretty sure she freaked Aubrey out with her own crying.

Aubrey would've been better off if Jane had been there instead of her, just like in every other situation Emma would find herself and Aubrey in for the rest of their lives together.

But, as she really thought about it, would Jane have been less emotional? Or would she just be better at containing it until her daughter wasn't watching her, looking at her for her reaction? Emma imagined that maybe she would wait to break down until she and her husband were tucked into the waiting room chairs, his arm around her and comforting her with soft strokes along her arm.

But Emma had more volatile emotions than Jane. She knew that.

Perhaps it was natural for a mother to have such emotions about their children when they were injured or sick. Emma wished she could've seen whether or not Jane did, whether the short segment of motherhood she experienced changed her in any significant way.

It sure as hell changed her, more than she would have ever imagined.

She was sitting in a hospital waiting room, crying, holding hands with Becky fucking Barnes of all people as a source of comfort. If that didn't signify change, she didn't know what did.

It was for the better, though. She knew that.

She wiped her ongoing stream of tears lightly. She just wanted to hold her baby and never let go.

She didn't know how long she and Becky had sat there, hands intertwined, before a beeping went off on Becky's pager. The woman looked down, her eyes scanning the message quickly before she tugged lightly on Emma's arm to grab her attention.

"Someone is set up in recovery and is asking for their mama."

Emma's heart soared.

She couldn't get back to the recovery room quick enough, Becky barely being able to keep up with her to show her where to go. When they reached the door, Emma practically stumbled through.

Aubrey was curled up in her bed, still attached to oxygen and an IV. She looked even smaller than she usually did, her already tiny framed drowned in a hospital gown. The sight made Emma's chest ache.

She slowly approached the bed and sat in the chair positioned next to it, reaching up and taking Aubrey's hand lightly, "Hi, pumpkin. You doing okay?"

The child, still quite groggy, looked over at the woman, "Mama." She reached her other tiny hand out toward Emma.

"Hi, baby," Emma said, feeling quite emotional again. Fuck, was she ever going to stop crying? Her eyes shot to meet Becky's gaze, "Can I hold her? Please?"

Becky smiled, "Of course. We don't put those big comfy chairs in here for nothing!"

Carefully, the redhead picked up the child and slowly placed her in Emma's awaiting arms, careful to avoid the incision in her abdomen.

Emma cradled Aubrey tenderly, holding her close to her chest and pressing a light kiss to her forehead. She let her lips linger there for a few moments before she rested her cheek against the child's head, gazing up at Becky as the nurse checked vitals and moved around some of the equipment.

"Thank you, Becky. Thank you so much."

Becky smiled sweetly at her, "No problem. It's my job."

Emma decided to take a leap of faith.

"I'd like to get together sometime. Y'know, if you wanted to do that," Emma murmured, somewhat nervously.

She wasn't good at making friends, or any kind of connections, for that matter, especially not since she moved back to Hatchetfield. Everything was about Aubrey.

Maybe it was time to start.

It wasn't like she would be leaving any time soon.

"That sounds great. I'd love to," Becky replied, looking surprised, quickly scribbling her number on a small piece of paper that she fished out of the pocket of her scrubs She handed it to Emma, "Just call me, whenever you need or want to. I have to get back to work, but since I'm the nurse assigned to your case, I'll be back in every so often."

Emma nodded in response, pressing another kiss to her child's forehead as Becky left the room.

She had always hated Becky Barnes.

Maybe that had changed about her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah! I don’t know if/how much Becky and/or Tom are going to show up in the future, but they probably will at some point. Obviously, in this fic, Tom was never married to Jane, but Becky has still gotten married to Stanley at some point. I have yet to decide if Tim will exist despite the fact that he wouldn’t be Jane’s son, only Tom’s. We shall see. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midterms are coming up. Aubrey gets sick. Emma gets stressed, snaps, and doubts her abilities (as a student and as a mother). Paul tries to make her think otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this chapter has a warning for illness and vomiting. It's not graphic at all, but it is mentioned!
> 
> This chapter goes in a thousand different directions because I couldn't stop myself. It's almost 6000 words (which, yikes) and it was supposed to mainly be about Emma and Aubrey but then it started to become more about Emma and Paul and there's a ton of things going on at once, but I think I managed to pull it together in the end. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Midterms were gonna actually kick her ass, Emma decided.

She barely had time to juggle school, work, spending time with her girl, and her relationship in the first place, but the addition of a ton of extra school work and tests were proving to be a bigger challenge than she thought.

The classes she was enrolled in were much more difficult than those she had been in before, which made her nervous; tests already weren't her cup of tea, and midterms for these classes? She was certain they weren't going to be very easy on her.

She was incredibly stressed and anxious, to say the least, and it made her start to unintentionally take it out on the two people she loved the most.

Her temper was short, and everything started to frustrate her. She was really trying, though.

One night, after Aubrey had gone to bed, she was curled up on the couch reading one of her textbooks diligently. Paul was sat at the other end of the piece of furniture, his eyes focused on the TV in front of him. Her legs were thrown over Paul's lap, and he was absentmindedly stroking her thigh with his thumb.

Suddenly, she let out a frustrated groan, breaking Paul from his thoughts. She slammed the book closed and dropped it into her lap, burying her face into her hands.

"What's wrong, hun?" Paul questioned hesitantly.

"None of this shit makes sense!" She exclaimed, "How do we even know cells do all of this shit? Seems fake to me!"

"Baby, you love biology," Paul said.

"Not cellular biology!" She explained, "And not when it's not with Hidgens!"

Hidgens wouldn't be teaching the class that semester, and she needed to take the credit for the sequence of her classes to be correct. When she found that out, she was monumentally pissed, but there was nothing they could do. She was stuck with an incredibly strict, middle aged woman as a professor, that didn't allow any sort of slacking or give any flexibility in the least bit. Sure, she still had Hidgens for her botany class, but cellular biology was kicking her ass.

"I'm sorry, Em," Paul said, squeezing her thigh lightly, "At least the semester is almost halfway over."

"Yeah," she grumbled, throwing her head back so it was hanging over the back of the couch.

It wasn't until then that he realized just how tired she looked. Her eyes were dim and her eyelids were drooping, her shoulders in a constant state of sagging like she couldn't even work up the energy to hold them up.

"Baby, have you been sleeping?" He questioned, sincerely concerned. He hadn't stayed over that week yet, so he wouldn't know. He assumed she probably hadn't. From the shrug she sent him in response, he knew is assumption was right.

He was about to lecture her about getting enough sleep being vital to get good test results, but he was interrupted when a floorboard creaked and he looked up just in time to see Aubrey creeping down the stairs.

"Aubrey, what are you doing?" Emma questioned, already sounding annoyed. Her tone of voice put Paul on edge; she never used that tone with Aubrey, or with him for that matter unless he was purposely annoying her as a joke. He really didn't want to see what came next.

"I heard you guys talking and I wanted to come down and see what you were talking about!" Aubrey said perkily, dangling her arms back and forth as she continued down the steps.

"Aubrey, it's bed time. You have school tomorrow. Please go back to bed," Emma said sternly, moving her legs off of Paul's legs and shifting to stand.

"But Mommy," Aubrey whined, "I just want to stay up with you a little longer."

"Aubrey. Bed. Now. I'm trying to study for a very important test," Emma said, her voice raising slightly in volume. Paul was immediately uncomfortable. He had never heard Emma yell at Aubrey before.

He placed a hand on Emma's arm to try and diffuse the situation, which she quickly shook off as she stood from the couch.

In an unusual moment of defiance, Aubrey stomped her foot on the stairs, glaring at her mother.

That was all it took to make Emma lose it.

"Aubrey Lane Perkins! That is unacceptable," Emma yelled, "Get upstairs and go to bed! You've lost playground time and the ice cream we were going to get tomorrow!"

Aubrey was stunned into silence. Her mommy had never yelled at her like that before. It made her upset, and if she was being honest, a little bit scared. It hurt her heart.

Her bottom lip began wobbling as her eyes starting gleaming, and she sniffled slightly before whimpering, "Well, Mommy, I-I don't think that was very nice."

At that, she ran back up the stairs, which was quickly followed by a door slamming loudly.

Emma fell back onto the couch and leaned forward onto her knees, rubbing her temples as she let out a loud sigh.

"Woah, Em," Paul started hesitantly, placing a hand on Emma's upper back, "D-Do you want to talk about that? That was pretty intense."

"No-No," Emma said softly, sounding exhausted and a little bit sad, "C-Can you just go? I need to study." She grabbed the book from where she had discarded it onto the floor after she stood.

Paul nodded, even though he knew he should probably stay and make her talk through it. He stood up, pulling on his jacket that had been draped over the back of the couch.

"I love you, Em. Get some rest, okay?"

"Love you too," she said half-heartedly, not looking up from her lap, where she had placed the book after she picked it up.

As Paul drove home, he couldn't get the heartbroken look on Aubrey's face or the slight guilt on Emma's out of his head. Aubrey almost looked betrayed.

Emma had never raised her voice at Aubrey like that in her entire life, Paul figured. Aubrey was relatively polite and well-behaved, and, despite being stubborn and hot-headed in all other aspects of her life, Emma was always gentle and patient towards her girl. She loved her daughter so much.

He knew Emma was just overly tired and stressed, and the reason she was putting herself through the stress was all for Aubrey. She wasn't sleeping well so she could provide for Aubrey. He knew that. He just didn't know that Aubrey would understand that.

As he struggled to get to sleep that night without Emma in his arms, as he slept over at her place more often than not, he hoped they would resolve it as soon as they could.

He couldn't stand to see them in any turmoil.  
———  
"Hey pumpkin, ready to get up?"

It was the next morning, and Emma was trying to figure out what she could say to Aubrey. She really didn't know.

She shouldn't have spoken to her like that. She shouldn't have. She knew that she needed to start giving her child actual discipline on the rare occasion that she misbehaved, at least before she went to kindergarten. She hadn't really been firm with her discipline in the past, mostly because she was flying by the seat of her pants with the whole parenting thing and she didn't want to do anything wrong.

But she shouldn't have yelled. She was stressed and upset, but she should've been able to keep her cool.

She didn't sleep well the night before, partly because Paul wasn't there and partly because her heart and head ached as she tried to figure out what she could do to make it up to her baby.

At the sound of Emma's voice, the child shifted slightly in her bed, her eyes opening blearily.

"Good morning, baby. It's time to get up," Emma said softly, walking towards the bed in order to start their routine of morning snuggles between getting ready.

Aubrey looked at her stoically before quickly springing up and running to her closet, pulling out some clothes and starting to get dressed right then and there.

Emma was shocked. Usually Aubrey complained about having to get up and go to school.

"Woah," Emma chuckled, somewhat nervously, "You really popped up this morning, huh? What's that about?"

Aubrey just shrugged, pulling on the rest of her clothes before walking past her mother and padding down the stairs to the kitchen. Emma followed behind her at a distance, her heart aching slightly.

Aubrey was giving her the silent treatment, and it wasn't fun. And it was all her own fault.

She continued to not talk to Emma throughout the morning, only nodding or shaking her head when she was presented with a question. Her eyes were wide and sad, and every time Emma opened her mouth to apologize or ask what was wrong, she really didn't know what to say.

She should've known what to say.

Dropping Aubrey off at school was always an event filled with hugs and kisses and "I love you"s and "I'll see you soon"s. However, on this day, Aubrey only waved goodbye to her mom sullenly before running up to one of her teachers.

No hug. No kiss. No I love you. It broke Emma's heart and made her arms feel empty.

She got back in her car and started driving again before she started panicking.

———

When she called Paul early in the morning as he was getting ready to walk into work, he was immediately concerned.

He couldn't even say hello before she blurted out, her voice distressed, "Paul, I really fucked up last night, didn't I?"

"Oh Em," Paul sighed, "I don't know if I would say that."

"Paul, she wouldn't talk to me. She barely even looked at me," she said, "And-and she wouldn't hug me before she went to school. Paul, I really fucked up."

Paul was silent. He really didn't know what to say.

"And-and, God, I was so mean to you," she muttered, "I really didn't mean to be, Paul, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Em. It's okay. I know you were stressed and tired and I should've just supported you instead of asking if you wanted to talk about it," Paul said, "To be honest, I don't know what you should say to her. I guess apologizing is the only thing you can do."

"I-I just don't know how to do it. She's really hurt, Paul," Emma whispered, her voice filled with worry, "A-and it's my fault. What if I ruined everything?"

"Emma, babe, she loves you more than anything in the world. You know that. You just made a mistake. She'll understand that if you tell her. She's like, the most intuitive kid on the planet. At least the most intuitive one I've ever met," Paul tried to comfort.

"She just- She really wasn't acting like herself this morning. I hope she's okay," Emma said, an anxious sigh leaving her, "Um, I'm gonna be late for my shift. I have to go."

"Okay Em. Just relax, okay? You can work it out with her when you go pick her up. I promise it won't be as bad as you think," Paul assured, "I love you."

"Love you too. Come over tonight?"

"Yeah, after you and Aubs talk. I think you guys need some alone time at first."

"Okay, yeah," Emma confirmed, "See you later."

"Bye, babe."  
———

Emma couldn't focus on anything throughout her shift. All she was thinking about was Aubrey.

She got at least three orders wrong that she knew of, having to remake them and backing the line up during the busiest time of the day. Subsequently, Nora got pissed off at her, and sent her dirty looks whenever she could. She was eventually sent to clean off tables after the morning rush so she wouldn't screw anything else up.

As she was finishing up her last table before the end of her shift, her phone started vibrating in the pocket of her apron. She fished it out immediately, despite her best interest because Nora was standing right there at the register, eyeing her like a hawk. Her heart dropped at the sight of Aubrey's school's number.

Sending a slightly-faux apologetic expression to a glaring Nora, Emma answered the phone, moving it up to her ear, "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Aubrey's mom?"

"Yes, yes it is. Is everything okay?" Emma asked nervously, watching as the clock on the wall ticked, signaling that her shift was over. She wrung out the rag she had been using to clean, tossing it back into the bucket of them behind the counter and moving to walk into the back room to gather her things to go.

"This is the school nurse. We currently have Aubrey in our office because she unfortunately got sick and isn't feeling well. She'll need to be picked up and brought home," the nurse said kindly, "She's okay, she's in here laying down and resting, but since she got sick she does need to be brought home so she can get better."

"Oh no," Emma murmured, her chest aching. Aubrey hated being sick more than anyone Emma knew, and the mother hated seeing her little girl be so weak and miserable, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes tops."

She clocked out and gathered her bag and her jacket before all but running out of the coffee shop towards her vehicle.

"Okay, sounds good," the nurse replied, sounding distracted, "Aubrey wants to talk to you, is that okay?"

"Of course."

There were some muffled sounds over the line before Aubrey's tiny voice sounded over the phone.

"Mommy," the girl whimpered, sounding sad.

"Hi baby girl," Emma said as she climbed into the car, "You're feeling icky, huh?"

"Yeah."

"How long have you not been feeling well, sweetie?"

"Last night," Aubrey muttered hesitantly, as if she was afraid to tell that fact to her mom.

With that, Emma wanted to cry. Her baby girl didn't feel well, and she didn't feel comfortable telling her? She really did fuck up.

"Oh pumpkin," Emma murmured.

"Mommy, I want to go home," Aubrey let out, sounding as though she was about to cry, "I-I miss you."

"I'm leaving work right now, Aubs. I will be there really, really soon, okay? I promise. I miss you too," Emma replied, starting the car, "I gotta go because I have to start driving."

She refused to do any sort of distracted driving. She had too much at stake to take that risk. Aubrey didn't deserve to go through that again.

"Okay," Aubrey whimpered once again, "I-I love you."

"I love you too, pumpkin," Emma said, "Be strong until I get there, okay? I know you can do it."

"O-Okay."

Emma hung up the phone after saying a quick goodbye to the school nurse, immediately beginning to drive.

She got to the school in less than ten minutes, and part of her wondered if the traffic was just really light or if she had accidentally sped the entire way. She all but ran into the school and to the nurse's office, where the sight that she came into contact with made her heart ache.

Aubrey was curled up on one of the small cots lined up against the wall, one of her hands clutching the small trash can on the floor next to the cot and one wrapped around her stomach. The nurse sat next to Aubrey, rubbing her shoulder gently, looking up and smiling sympathetically when she heard the door open.

"Aubrey," Emma said softly as she approached. The little girl looked up weakly, her eyes filled with tears.

The nurse stood up. "She just got sick again," the nurse explained, gesturing to the trash can, "It's probably just a virus. It's been going around."

Emma nodded understandingly, "She's all set to go?"

"Yep, whenever you're ready."

Emma sat down on the cot, holding her arms out for her daughter, "Hi pumpkin. Ready to go home?"

Aubrey nodded once, her face crumpling as her unshed tears began falling down her face. She struggled to sit up, but once she did, she fell into Emma's arms immediately.

"Oh baby girl," Emma murmured, rubbing the child's back lightly, "I'm sorry you don't feel good. I'm gonna pick you up, okay? And then we'll go home."

Aubrey nodded against her and that was her cue to stand up with the girl in her arms. Emma moved Aubrey onto one of her hips but kept one hand pressed onto the girl's back to keep her close. The mother sent the nurse a thankful smile on her way out, before moving swiftly to the car and expertly opening the back door with one hand and placing Aubrey into her car seat.

The girl's head lolled to one side to rest it on her shoulder, as if she was much too exhausted to hold it up herself. She peered up at Emma through half-opened eyes as the woman leaned down to press a kiss to the Aubrey's skull after buckling her up securely.

"Mommy," Aubrey whispered tiredly, "I didn't mean to make you mad last night. I'm sorry."

Emma smiled sadly, "I know, pumpkin, and I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. We can talk about it later after you rest a little, okay? We need to go home so we can cuddle on the couch."

At the thought, Aubrey smiled lazily, and Emma placed one last kiss on her forehead before closing the door gently and walking around the car to climb into the driver's seat.

Aubrey fell asleep almost as soon as they started driving, and remained asleep when they got home and Emma carried her into the house. Emma curled up on the couch, and Aubrey remained snug in her arms, pressed firmly against her as she slept.

Emma was itching to change out of her work clothes, but she wasn't about to leave Aubrey alone. If she wanted to be held because she didn't feel good, then she was going to be held until she felt better, goddammit.

Emma slowly but surely eased her phone out of the pocket of her shorts, dialing Paul's number and pressing it to her ear. She knew he would be on his break, so she figured she should fill him in as quietly as possible.

"Hey Em," he picked up after three rings, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Emma whispered, rubbing Aubrey's back with her free hand as the child shifted slightly in her sleep, "I actually have Aubrey. I had to go pick her up. She got sick at school and isn't feeling well, obviously."

"Oh no," Paul said, sighing, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's okay. She's a little sad and tired. She's sleeping now, which is why I'm whispering. She really hates being sick," Emma replied, "And, uh, she said she hasn't been feeling well since last night, which makes me feel like crap. What if the reason she was coming down was because she was uncomfortable and feeling sick, and I yelled at her? What kind of mother does that make me?"

"Emma," Paul said, sighing again, "There was no way for you to have known."

"I-I know," Emma murmured, "It's just-It's just hard."

"I know, baby."

"I was able to apologize to her, but we're going to really talk about it after she's feeling a little better," Emma said, "I think she understands."

"That's good. Do you guys need anything?" Paul asked.

"Uh, dinner would be great," Emma said, chuckling softly, "I was gonna go grocery shopping today, we don't have much else other than cereal. She won't eat anything, obviously, so you can get whatever and bring it over."

"Okay, sounds good. Does Aubrey need anything at all?"

"Maybe some popsicles? I don't know, when she gets sick like this she usually can't keep anything down at all."

"Would you be mad if I got her a small toy or something?" Paul chuckled nervously.

Emma rolled her eyes jokingly even though he couldn't see her, "She has enough toys, Paul."

"But she's sick! She deserves something!"

"Whatever, my dude," Emma said with a soft laugh. She knew he knew she was joking. In reality, she was really, really grateful for him and what he was willing to do for them, "Whatever you wanna do."

Paul laughed in reply, "We'll leave it as a surprise. I'll see you in a few hours, babe. If Aubs wakes up, tell her I hope she feels better."

"Will do," Emma said softly, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby."

Emma hung up the phone and buried her face into the child's hair, breathing in deeply. There was no place she'd rather have been.

Aubrey woke up a couple of hours later, an uncomfortable look on her face. Emma quickly noticed as soon as the child started squirming.

"Still not feeling good?" Emma questioned, brushing her hair back from her face.

Aubrey shook her head before burying it into Emma's shoulder. Emma rubbed her back softly, "I'm sorry, baby."

She let silence envelop them for a moment before speaking again, "Aubs, can I ask you a question?"

Aubrey nodded slightly, peeking her eyes out so she could look at her mother.

"When you said you hadn't been feeling good since last night, do you mean since before you came down the stairs or after?"

"After," Aubrey's little voice whimpered, "I-I felt a little bad before, but it got more bad after."

Emma's heart nearly shattered, "Why didn't you come get me, baby girl?"

"I-I made you mad, and I didn't want to make you more mad," the child confessed softly.

"Baby girl, I need you to listen to me, okay? I will never, ever get mad at you for coming to me when something is wrong, okay? No matter how old you are or what time it is, if you need something, you come get me," Emma said, somewhat sternly just to get her point across, "I-I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like I did, but I was just feeling really stressed and overwhelmed because of school, okay? And those feelings made me act in a way I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry about that."

"It's okay, Mama," Aubrey murmured, patting the woman's chest lightly. The name made Emma's heart soar; Aubrey hadn't called her that since she was two, "I forgive you."

Emma kissed her clammy forehead, "I appreciate that, sweet girl. Do you feel like you're going to get sick again?"

Aubrey shrugged tiredly, "Dunno."

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go get a bucket just in case. Can I leave you for a minute?"

Aubrey let out a whine but nodded, snuggling down into the pillow that Emma had placed her next to. Emma practically ran to the kitchen to retrieve the empty trash can that they kept for these purposes and these purposes only, and jogged back just as quickly. Aubrey immediately cuddled herself into her mom, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Mommy, I don't feel good," Aubrey repeated softly.

"I know that, sweetie. It'll be better soon, okay? And Paul is gonna come over soon, so we can get in some snuggles with him too," Emma said.

Aubrey groaned, "I don't want to make Paul get sick!"

"Hey, what about me? I'm here cuddling you and you don't care about me getting sick!" Emma exclaimed jokingly, making the tiniest of smile spread across Aubrey's lips.

"You're my mommy, it's your job. And you never ever get sick when I'm sick, so it's okay," Aubrey murmured.

"Paul will be fine, don't worry," Emma assured, "Why don't you go back to sleep? You seem tired, pumpkin."

Aubrey nodded, placing her head on Emma's chest again and letting her eyes close peacefully.

About an hour later, a knock sounded at the front door, followed by it opening and closing softly. Soon, Paul rounded the corner into the living room, a bag of takeout in one hand and a stuffed sea creature in the other.

"Paul, where the actual hell did you get a stuffed seal in the four hours since I last talked to you?" Emma asked incredulously, "Those aren't exactly readily available."

Paul shrugged, "I went to Toy Zone, and it was right there. She told me the other day she really likes seals because they're chubby and make funny faces sometimes. I don't know that I know what she's referring to, but I just had to go with it."

He set both of the items on the coffee table before moving around it to sit next to Emma gently. He watched as Aubrey shifted herself sleepily against Emma's torso, her eyes opening ever so slightly and smiling when she could make out Paul's figure. Her little hand reached out and took Paul's, her grasp limp. Quickly, though, her eyes closed, and her head was pressed against her mother's chest again.

"She okay?" Paul asked softly.

Emma nodded and shrugged at the same time, "She will be."

"How the hell do you manage watching her be sick? I've been here all of thirty seconds and my heart is breaking," Paul chuckled sadly, wrapping his free arm around Emma's shoulders.

"It always breaks my heart," she explained, "Especially since it always seems to hit her hard. You just get used to it and know what to expect, I guess. But I always freak out, especially since I had to bring her to the hospital because of her appendix that one time."

Paul nodded understandingly, kissing her cheek lightly before nuzzling her head with his nose and sighing, relaxed.

"What did you bring for dinner?" Emma murmured softly, her hand repeatedly rubbing circles on Aubrey's back, "Smells good."

"Chinese from the place down the street from the office," he replied softly, "You wanna eat?"

She shook her head, "No, not yet. I just want to sit here for a little bit."

He nodded, letting silence surround them for a moment before he whispered, "You're an amazing mom, Emma."

The woman grunted in disagreement, "No I'm not. I fuck up all the time."

"Babe, everyone makes mistakes," he said, "And she loves you more than I've ever seen a kid love their parent. That's including me, and my mom told me once that I was actually attached to her hip until I was six!"

"Paul, I-"

"No," he interrupted, "Look at her. She loves you so damn much. You make mistakes, obviously, but she loves you no matter what. You've said before that she can't hold a grudge. You apologized and she understands that you didn't mean to be so harsh. She understands, baby."

Emma gazed down at Aubrey, who was still sleeping soundly, the tiniest of smiles on her face. Despite her illness and the altercation last night, she was still happy to be cuddled up with her mom. It made the woman's heart melt, and everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours seemed distant.

"Yeah," she murmured, and, even though the child wouldn't be able to hear her while she was in her deep sleep, she added, "Oh, Aubs, you're my whole world, you know that?"

"She knows," Paul nodded, assuring her, "I know she knows."

She nodded in response, leaning her head against his chest and settling in. He slowly leaned forward and grabbed the food off of the coffee table, and they quickly ate before either of them got too comfortable and inevitably fell asleep.

Soon, they had stacked their trash from dinner on the table in front of them and turned the TV on at a very low volume in order to not wake the sick little girl up.

"Fuck," Emma said suddenly, her eyes widening slightly, "That midterm is tomorrow. I fucking forgot."

At the exclamation, Aubrey stirred slightly. Both Emma and Paul tensed up until she settled again with a content sigh.

"Do you want me to get your textbook and hold her while you study?" Paul offered quietly.

She thought for a moment before shaking her head slightly, "No. I don't want to disturb her."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, but um... do you mind if I do some stream of consciousness stuff? Quietly, of course. I remember things better if I say them out loud," she said, somewhat bashful.

"Of course!" Paul said, looking a mixture of surprised and pleased, "Maybe I'll learn a thing or two while you talk."

She threw her head back in a soft laugh, "Don't get your hopes up on that one. I don't think I'll be that coherent."

Nevertheless, she began to speak, rambling out different biology facts and shit about cells that Paul really, truly didn't understand in the least. Despite that, he nodded along, a small smile on his face as she laced swear words into every sentence to 'add a little flair and emphasis'.

She didn't stop speaking until Aubrey finally woke up and, much to the adults' dismay, got sick again. They quickly cleaned her up, got her into pajamas, made her sip some water, and bundled her up in some blankets before she dozed off again in between Paul and Emma on the couch.

In the shuffle, Emma had been able to retrieve her textbook, and she started reading some facts out of it to him. As she did so, he made sure to indicate when he recognized something she said during her ramblings earlier. It was hard to keep track of, but it was all worth the smile that crossed her face when he did so. They continued until they were both yawning incessantly, Emma soon drifting to sleep with the book still open on her lap.

Paul moved her and Aubrey into the master bedroom one at a time, carrying them and tucking them into the covers with a kiss on their foreheads before getting ready for bed himself. He wished he would've asked Emma if it was okay if he stayed over before she fell asleep because he didn't want to overstep any boundaries, but it really didn't seem necessary to wake her up to ask her now.

He made sure to get up early the next morning, as he knew her midterm was at 9 A.M. He made her a good breakfast (well, as good as he could muster) and called into work so he could stay home with Aubrey. He didn't know if Emma had any plans regarding that, because the child obviously couldn't go to school, but he figured his presence would be more welcome and make them both more comfortable than a babysitter.

Not long after, Emma woke up, her footsteps light as she descended the stairs. When she rounded the corner into the kitchen, she look pleasantly surprised at his presence, her eyes widening but a smile spreading with them. 

"What's all this?" She asked happily, gesturing to the spread on the table as she approached. She pulled her hoodie tighter around her in response to the cool spring morning air filtering through the window.

"I wanted you to have a good breakfast-or breakfast at all- before your test," he replied, sending her a smile back.

"Didn't know you were a chef," she said jokingly. She walked over to him to get a better look at the spread, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips, "Aw, thank you."

"How's Aubs?" He murmured.

"She didn't get up during the night, so I guess that's good. Of course, you know that because you were here. She's still sleeping though so," she shrugged, "I feel so bad that I'm leaving but I don't really have a choice."

"I-I took off work to stay with her," Paul quickly mentioned, not wanting her to worry any longer than she had to, "I hope that's okay?"

Emma suddenly grabbed his face gently, looking into his eyes, "I've said this before, and I'll say it again, you are just a goddamn blessing, y'know that?" She hesitated slightly, "It's okay that you took off, right? Like you're not missing anything?"

He shook his head, laughing slightly, "No, not a thing. Besides Ted's constant criticism about everything any of us do, which, honestly, I need a vacation from."

She smiled brightly at him before sitting down at the table and quickly eating the food he had prepared for her. When she was done, she hopped up, "I'm going to leave now. I just want to get there and get it over with."

He followed her to the door, kissing her quickly before she had the chance to leave, "Good luck, Em. You'll do great."

"I'll be home as soon as I'm done. Hopefully she sleeps until then," she said, and he could tell she was nervous, both due to the test and due to the fact she was leaving her sick little girl home.

He pulled her in for a light kiss before speaking, "Hey, I've got it under control... even though vomit makes me, uh, uneasy."

She rolled her eyes, "That doesn't make me feel any better there, dude."

Paul shrugged slightly, "Just don't worry about it. Focus on your test, okay? Love you."

"Love you too," she replied, "See you soon."

With that, she walked out of the house and drove away, Paul crossing his fingers for her as she went. He knew she would kill it regardless, but a little superstition wouldn't hurt.

The test was a lot easier than Emma had anticipated, and it took a load off of her chest. When she got home, Paul was snoring on the couch with Aubrey curled on top of him. The bucket was still placed on the floor next to them, so Emma figured Aubrey had gotten sick again, which caused her to be slightly disheartened. She knew she would get better with time, though.

She didn't want to work herself up into a panic. It wasn't good for anyone.

Emma sat on the couch next to Paul's head and gently ran her fingers through his messy hair to wake him up. Soon enough, his eyes blinked open, yawning as he propped himself up on his elbows to better look at his girlfriend.

"How'd it go?" He asked softly, his voice thick with sleep.

"It was good," she said simply, "I'm not worried about it anymore. Is she okay?"

Paul's eyebrows furrowed slightly, "Yeah, uh, she woke up and got sick a little, and we've just been laying here for a while. She was asking for you, though."

"Aw," Emma murmured.

"Yeah," he replied, "But she's okay."

She sent him a small smile, which he returned.

"I'm really proud of you, Emma," he said softly before she could speak, "For everything."

She rolled her eyes slightly and shook her head, though her smile remained.

He knew she didn't understand what she had done for him to be proud of, but he would keep telling her until she did.

When she stayed up all night that night because Aubrey's fever was breaking and the little girl couldn't sleep, he told her. When Aubrey was finally better and Emma was hesitant to send her back to school, he told her. When she found out a week later that she passed all of her midterms with flying colors, he told her.

He would keep telling her until she understood, because that was what she deserved.


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubrey brings a craft home from school that sparks a conversation Emma never thought she would be having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really big chapter plot-wise, and it's super-duper fluffy! There are some brief mentions of Jane's death, but nothing graphic at all. 
> 
> I hope you all are staying safe and using your voices to make positive change during this time! BLACK LIVES MATTER, and the time for change is NOW!   
Also, happy Pride!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

"Mommy, look what I made at school today!"

Emma was in the process of emptying the dishwasher when Aubrey bounded over, backpack in one hand and craft in the other. The woman didn't think much of it, besides the fact that it warmed her heart: Aubrey made a little craft almost every day at preschool, something Emma knew would probably start to dwindle once she entered elementary school in the fall. Emma loved everything Aubrey made, and knew she would probably keep every little piece.

She glanced down at the mess of pompoms, pipe cleaners, paint, glue, and construction paper, not really being able to make out what it was, "That's beautiful, honey. Go hang it on the fridge."

Aubrey looked almost offended, her nose wrinkling up in confusion, "I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because then I can't give it to Paul for Father's Day!"

Emma was sure her heart stopped beating in her chest, her breath hitching in her throat. She quickly finished putting the last few plates in the cupboard before kneeling down next to her daughter, taking the craft into her own hands. Without a doubt, the words "Happy Father's Day Paul" followed by an extreme amount of exclamation points was written in Aubrey's shaky handwriting. It was obviously done with the help of a teacher, but it was hers nonetheless.

"Miss Jacobs said that we could make it for our dad, our grandpa, or any other special man or any other special person in our life! I made one for both grandpas," her eyes darted to her backpack, referring to Emma's father and that of her own deceased dad.

Emma had always been transparent with Aubrey; she knew she was adopted, and that her parents loved her very much but they died when she was very little. She knew that her grandparents on her father's side came and visited sometimes, but not as often as they used to, and she loved them nonetheless. She knew Emma was her aunt but was chosen to be her Mom by her first mother when she had died, and she accepted and understood that, as much as her five-year-old brain allowed. They visited Jane and her husband’s graves sometimes, always bringing flowers and sometimes little things Aubrey picked out. 

"And I was gonna make one for you, but you already have Mother's Day! So then I was thinking, and I thought about Paul! He's pretty special, and I haven't made him very many presents, and he kinda acts like a Dad, right? I mean, I don’t really know, because I’ve never had a dad except for when I was a baby, but I think he does!"

The child babbled excitedly, the prospect of giving Paul the gift being the most amazing thing she could think of. Emma, on the other hand, felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest.

Aubrey saw Paul as a dad? Of course she did. 

He took them on walks and to the movies and on little weekend trips. He bought Aubrey ice cream whenever they went out alone together, much to Emma's dismay. He went to the appointment where she needed to get her yearly vaccines and a blood draw because she wanted to hold both he and her Mommy's hands while it happened. He bought her a small toy or book whenever he went to a store.

He  _ was  _ her dad. Emma’s heart felt like it was going to burst. Why hadn't she realized it before? What are the next steps she was supposed to take? This was uncharted territory, something that she was pretty convinced she wasn't ever going to have to experience.

She was convinced it was just going to be her and Aubrey forever, until Paul came into their lives and flipped everything upside down in the best way.

"Mommy?" Aubrey questioned, breaking Emma out of her reverie, "Do you think Paul will like it?"

"I think he'll love it. Let's go sit on the couch and have a talk for a minute."

Aubrey nodded, quickly running into the living room. Emma followed her, sitting in the spot Aubrey patted next to her.

She pulled Aubrey into her lap and wrapped her arms around the little girl, "So, when you said that Paul acts like a dad... do you think you'd want to start calling him dad?"

"Could I!?" She said excitedly, "It's okay calling him Paul, but I think the other kids in my class would stop being confused if I called him my dad when I talk about him."

Emma almost rolled her eyes in amusement. The kid was so deeply logical, it was ridiculous sometimes.

"Well, we'd have to ask Paul. We don't want to do anything he's uncomfortable with, right?"

Aubrey nodded, "We don’t want him to be uncomforble! We could ask him when I give him his present!"

"That sounds like a great idea," Emma replied, pushing back a strand of Aubrey's brown hair behind her ear.

"Mommy, do you think you and Paul will get married? That's what parents do, right?"

"Not always. Some parents never get married," Emma said, always wanting her daughter to have a broad understanding of how families can be different from each other but just as special. "I don't know if we'll get married. If we do, it won't be for a while."

"Why won't you get married now? Isn't it just like a big party?"

"Getting married doesn't mean you love the other person more than if you weren't to get married. I love Paul so, so much, and even if we never got married, we'd love each other just as much," Emma tried to explain, not knowing how to lay out the legal and societal aspects of getting married to a five-year-old.

"Getting married is like a party, but a very expensive party," she continued, tickling Aubrey's sides lightly and making her giggle, "And I don't think we really need to pay for that party right now. Plus, Paul and I haven’t really been together that long in the grand scheme of things, we’ve only been together a couple of years. Some couples take longer than us to get married."

"But you'll be together forever, right?" The little girl asked, her voice sounding a little worried. Marriage, Emma guessed, meant permanence to Aubrey for whatever reason. She didn't want to see Paul go.

"I can't say for sure, sweetheart, and I don't want to make any promises," Emma replied, her chest tightening as Aubrey's face fell and as she herself thought about then possibility of her relationship failing, "But like I said, Paul loves me a lot, and I love him a lot, and we love you a lot, so I think we've got a pretty good shot. Even if we did break up, Paul would always be in your life. I know that for a fact."

"Okay," Aubrey finally said after a moment of silence.

"Are you alright, sweetie?" Emma asked tentatively, afraid that she scared the little girl.

Aubrey nodded, "Yeah. Can we go bring Paul his present now and ask him  _ the  _ question?"

"It's not Father's Day yet, honey. Father's Day isn't until Sunday, so we still have two days to wait. But I have a plan."

Aubrey perked up when Emma leant down and whispered in her ear, clapping excitedly when she was done.

"That's the most amazing idea ever, Momma!"

——

The last thing Paul expected waking up to on a random Sunday was little fists lightly banging on his chest and a voice in the background telling them to stop.

"Wha-?" Paul rubbed his eyes in confusion and tiredness before opening them. His vision was blurry at first, but the outline of a child looming over him was clear. He fumbled for his glasses on his nightstand for a moment before Aubrey beat him to it, placing the frames on his face sloppily.

"Hi Paul!"

"Aubrey? What are you doing here?" He smirked tiredly, sitting up and adjusting the glasses. He couldn't be mad at being woken up when he saw how excited she was. His breath got knocked out of him by the impact of the child's hug.

"Happy Father's Day!" The girl exclaimed as she pulled away from the hug.

Before Paul could process the statement, his beautiful girlfriend was placing a tray of breakfast on his lap.

"We wanted to do something special for you because you're a really important guy in our life," Emma said, sitting down on the bed in front of him.

"I made this card for you!" Aubrey shoved the piece of paper into his hands. As he examined it, he felt as though he was going to cry.

"This is so pretty, Aubrey. And breakfast looks delicious. Thank you," he said, slinging an arm around Aubrey's shoulder and squeezing her to his side.

"Wait, look at the back!" Aubrey said, flipping it around for him.

There was a small note attached to the back of the craft, written in what Paul recognized as Emma's scribbly yet somewhat legible handwriting. The message on it made him  _ really  _ feel like he was going to cry.

_ Is it okay if Aubrey starts to call you Dad? In her words, it's really okay if you don't want her to, but she really loves you a lot and you would be easier to explain to her classmates if she could. She doesn't want you to feel 'uncomforble', though, so no pressure if you're not ready! We love you! You're an amazing positive male role model and father figure to her, and I'm eternally grateful for that and for you. Happy Father's Day (whether you want to be called Dad or not)! _

Before he knew it, tears were slipping out of his eyes without his permission. He quickly reached up to wipe his cheeks, but Emma beat him to it, resting her hand on the side of his face and using her thumb to get rid of the tears. When he looked up from the paper in his lap, he found that her own eyes were brimming with tears despite the presence of a wide smile, and all he wanted to do was scoop her and Aubrey into his arms and never let go.

After a few moments, he found the strength within him to finally speak.

"It'll take a little getting used to," he sniffled slightly, ruffling Aubrey's hair, "But I'd be honored."

"Yay!" Aubrey squealed, standing up on the bed and throwing her arms around Paul's neck. She started to bounce slightly, jostling the tray of food.

"Careful, Aubrey, you're gonna knock down all of the food we made!"

"I love you, Daddy," Aubrey whispered into Paul's ear, squeezing his neck in a hug one last time before plopping down on the bed next to him, "Now eat up! We worked real hard on those pancakes!"

Emma rolled her eyes at that statement, her eyes suddenly weary, "When she says 'we' she means me, while she made a mess with flour that I had to clean up. I'm not a great pancake maker from scratch, that's for sure. _Especially _when it's so early."

Her eyebrows suddenly furrowed in worry, "I hope they're alright. I wanted today to be special."

Paul reached forward and took her hand in his, squeezing it slightly, "I'm sure they're great."

Emma turned her attention to her daughter, "Baby, do you think you could go through the coloring books you brought and pick one out for each of us? After we eat breakfast and color and get ready for the day, we'll go to the zoo, okay?"

It wasn't until then that Paul realized the two girls were still in their pajamas. He figured that Emma wasn't eager to get out of bed so early on a day she didn't have to work, which meant this must’ve been really important to her and Aubrey. His heart also warmed at the fact that they were going to go back to the place where he met Aubrey for the first time, where he pretty much fell in love with her and her mother. 

"Okay Mommy!" The child jumped off the bed and ran down the hall towards Paul's living room.

Once she was out of sight, Emma leaned forward and kissed Paul quickly. When they pulled away, he murmured out, "Kinda creepy that you invaded my home while I was sleeping."

Emma rolled her eyes, "You love it. Plus, you didn't give me a key for nothing."

Paul smirked, letting silence envelop them. He wanted this moment to last forever; it was blissful, and sweet, and everything he ever wanted and more.

Emma seemingly had different plans, "There was something I wanted to talk to you about. Y'know, without Aubrey here."

He nodded, urging her to continue. She looked to be searching for the right words, her mouth open slightly and her eyes thoughtful. The time she was taking to form her thoughts made him somewhat anxious.

"You can totally say no, because I know we've laid a lot on you today, and I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but I've just been thinking... would you want to move in with us soon?" She asked quietly, wringing her hands in her lap, "You can totally take time to think about it, and I don't know when your lease is up on this place, but I just thought it might be, I don't know, easier? Since you're going to be a more permanent figure in our lives now. You’re over there more often than not anyway."

"Em," he said, grabbing her hands and squeezing them softly. He stared deeply into her nervous brown eyes, "I would love to."

At that, she launched herself into his lap, narrowly avoiding the food, and he quickly squeezed her in a hug, "My lease is actually up next month."

"Really?" She asked, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt, "Aubrey is gonna be so excited."

"Does she know?"

"No," Emma replied, looking over her shoulder to make sure the child wasn't yet scampering back to them, "I didn't want her to be disappointed if you said no."

Paul furrowed his eyebrows, "You thought I would say no?"

Emma shrugged and looked down at their intertwined fingers, "I don't know. I thought maybe you would think we were moving too fast."

"Never," Paul reassured as Aubrey's little footsteps started pattering back down the hallway.

"Here! I picked out a special one for everyone!" Aubrey exclaimed, slapping the coloring pages down on the bed and climbing up after them.

"Sweet girl, guess what?" Emma exclaimed after the little one settled herself in under the covers next to Paul.

"What!?" Aubrey asked excitedly.

"Paul-"

"Don't you mean Daddy?" the girl replies, squinting her eyes mischievously.

Emma rolled her eyes jokingly, "So sorry.  _ Daddy  _ is going to move in with us soon! So we're all going to be in the same house all the time, and we don't have to worry about visiting because we'll already be together!"

Aubrey's eyes shone as they shot back and forth between the adults, "Really?"

When they both nodded, she lifted her hands to her cheeks, her mouth dropping open in shock, "That's so exciting!"

Quickly, she wrapped both of her arms around one of Paul's. She looked up at him, smiling, her eyes sparkling with all of the happiness her little body could contain, "That means at night, when I have a nightmare or when I want you to read me a story, I won't have to miss you! Because you'll be right there!"

Paul couldn't reply to that statement due to his throat closing up from his emotions.

Instead, he leaned down and kissed the top of Aubrey's head and Emma's lips briefly.

He hoped the gestures could show just how grateful he was for them being in his life, and allowing him to be in theirs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to pop a note here and emphasize that I don't think a person needs two parents to be happy, and I think that it's perfectly fine to just have one parent that treats you well. I know that it's a sensitive subject for some people, so I just wanted to address that really quick. I just thought that this was a natural progression for the story. 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Aubrey are in an accident, shaking Emma to her core. 
> 
> *Trigger Warning*: Car accidents, hospitals, broken limbs and other injuries, nightmares, non-graphic description of blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this one.
> 
> Please tell me if there are any trigger warnings I failed to mention so I can add them!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

“Okay, bud, what are you thinking for dinner?” 

Paul glanced into the rearview mirror at Aubrey as he pulled out of the daycare parking lot, who was happily kicking her feet, snug in her car seat, “Mommy isn’t going to be home until later because she has class, so it’s whatever you want.” 

The child was in a summer camp that the daycare held, which was helping to prep her for kindergarten, and Emma was taking a few summer classes so she could finish her degree after the upcoming fall semester. Paul was tasked with picking up Aubrey on days that Emma had her afternoon classes, and he eagerly took the opportunity. He loved spending one-on one-time with her. 

“You pick, Daddy!” Aubrey said, giggling, “I always pick.” 

“Aubs, you don’t like any of the things I’d pick,” he reminded as he pulled up to and stopped at an intersection, thinking back to the multiple times that Aubrey had pleaded with him to pick and was then less than enthusiastic about the results. 

Aubrey laughed again, “You’re right, Daddy. I’m silly!” 

“That’s for sure,” Paul laughed in response, shaking his head slightly as the light turned green and he began to drive again, “So, what do you-“ 

He was cut off by a loud bang, the sound of metal being crushed against metal, a flash of pain, and the feeling of losing control of the still-moving vehicle. Everything went fuzzy for a moment, but he was soon brought back to reality by the sound of Aubrey’s shrill screams. 

He looked around him, realizing what had just happened. A fucking car crash. His heart started pounding as pain registered throughout his body and he felt blood dripping down his forehead. 

To his left, a car was smashed against his. He couldn’t see the driver, but he suddenly and uncharacteristically felt like he wanted to jump out of the car and curse out whoever it was. They put him and his daughter in danger; that made him want to fume. He was practically stuck in his seat by the way the other car crushed his door. Between that and the airbags, how was he going to manage to get out? 

The thought quickly left his mind as Aubrey continued to scream. He glanced up to look through the rear view mirror, finding it completely shattered. Instead, he turned his head to look over his shoulder, causing a sharp pain to shoot through his skull. 

Aubrey was screaming, fat tears falling down her cheeks, her eyes filled with fear. 

“Aubrey, Aubrey, shh, it’s okay! You’re okay!” Paul reassured loudly. He checked over her body with his eyes, and was relieved to find her largely unharmed with only a few cuts, the most prominent of which was bleeding on her forehead. When his eyes landed on her left arm, he found it was hanging lamely by her side, making him feel sick. 

Aubrey wouldn’t stop sobbing and it was breaking his heart. He quickly unbuckled his seatbelt, pried himself out of his seat, and climbed into the destroyed backseat despite the pain pulsing throughout his body. He knew that in these situations, you’re not supposed to move in case of neck injuries, but he would take the risk. Aubrey needed him. 

He wrapped his arms around her gently, careful to not jostle her arm, “Shh, honey, you’re okay. I’ve got you. Daddy’s got you.” 

“D-Daddy, I’m-I’m scared,” she sobbed out, her fists grasping his shirt. 

“I know, honey. I know,” Paul said, relief flooding over him when he heard sirens in the distance. They’d be okay. They’d get home to Emma. 

Emma. When they contacted her about this from the hospital, she was going to be terrified. They were okay, though. They’d be okay.

He felt his consciousness fading as pain continued throbbing in every inch of his body. The sirens were getting closer. They’d be okay. 

They’d be okay. 

He passed out right as he saw the flashing lights approaching. 

—-

When Emma's phone rang during class, she was immediately embarrassed. She obviously had forgotten to silence it before Professor Hidgens started talking, and she immediately cursed that fact as her hand shot up off of her lap and pulled the phone off of the desk.

She quickly put it on vibrate, feeling the eyes of her fellow classmates burning into the back of her skull. She went to shove it into her pocket, but something made her look at the name of the caller.

It was a number she didn't recognize, which she'd usually pass off as a spam call or a telemarketer, but something was pulling her towards answering it. She shook her head quickly, clearing any bad thoughts out of her head, and rejected the call.

_ Aubrey's safe. She's with Paul. They're fine. _

She looked back up to pay attention to the lecture on photosynthesis before the phone started vibrating once again. Her gaze once again transferred to the device in her lap, and anxiety immediately filled her stomach.

Hidgens must have noticed her prolonged glance, as suddenly his voice was much closer to her, whispering, "Emma, do you need to take that?"

She glanced up from her lap, realizing that he had at some point walked over to her, standing towered in front of her desk. She nodded quickly, standing up and jogging towards the door of the classroom, not bothering to pack up any of her things; she'd pick it up, and it would be someone selling her something. She'd be right back into class.

As soon as she stepped into the hall, she pressed the green button on her screen, pulling it up to her ear.

Her voice shook as she spoke, "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Emma Perkins?"

"This is she."

"I'm calling from St. Damien's Hospital, it seems as though you are the emergency contact for two patients brought in from an accident today; one Aubrey Perkins and one Paul Matthews."

At that, Emma's heart dropped into her stomach.  _ An accident? Are they hurt? Are they in surgery? Are they-? _

"A-Are they okay?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Perkins, I cannot give you any information until you get here. Please come as soon as you can."

Emma hung up promptly, not having the strength to say anything else. Her heart was pounding and her chest tightened, and she felt like she was on the edge of completely panicking. Without inhibition, she returned to the classroom and made a beeline for her desk, gathering her things quickly and noisily.

Professor Hidgens had stopped talking once she returned, "Emma, are you alright?"

She felt the eyes of everyone again, but at that point, she could care less. Her voice cracked as she spoke, tears welling in her eyes, "I have to go. My boyfriend and daughter-"

A sob escaped her throat and she quickly threw a hand over her mouth to quiet it. Hidgens paced over to her quickly, putting a long arm around her shoulders, "Everyone, class is done early. You can go."

The other students filtered out quickly, some looking over their shoulders longer than necessary to dwell on the drama occurring. As soon as the door slammed shut for the last time, Hidgens captured Emma in a hug.

"What happened?"

"My boyfriend and daughter were in an a-accident and they're in the hospital. I have to go s-see them," she said, pulling away and wiping her tears.

"Aubrey?" Hidgens questioned. He was the only professor at the college who knew about her child and had even met her on occasion when they would bring him groceries or bring him out for dinner. He had a soft spot for the little girl, and thought she was the cutest little thing on the planet, "Are they alright?"

"I don't k-know," she burst into another set of tears, "They wouldn't tell me anything."

"Come on, dear," he said, picking her bag up off of her desk and guiding her towards the exit with a hand on her back, "I'll drop you off. You're in no condition to drive."

She wanted to tell him that it wasn't necessary, that she could get there on her own, but she had never before appreciated his kindness so much. All she could do was nod and tuck herself into his side as he guided her to the parking lot.

She didn't want to waste the time of taking Aubrey's car seat out of her car and installing it in his, and he agreed that it would be easier for him to just drive her car. She hoped that she still had a reason to have the car seat.

Once they were on their way, she prayed for the first time since Aubrey was a baby and her parents were trying to take the little one away from her. She didn't quite know what she was praying to, but it gave her some kind of necessary solace.

Her chest ached as they parked and walked into the hospital. She immediately ran up to the help desk, where a friendly-looking nurse smiled up at her, "How can I help you?"

Suddenly, her mouth was dry and she found it hard to speak. Hidgens squeezed her shoulder comfortingly and she choked out, "Paul Matthews and Aubrey Perkins? I'm Emma Perkins, I got a call that they were brought here after an a-accident?"

The nurse started typing in the computer system immediately and quickly said, "Here, right this way."

The nurse started to lead them towards a long hallway. Hidgens leaned down and whispered in Emma's ear, "I'll be in the waiting room. Go be with them."

Emma nodded stiffly, watching him walk away before following the nurse. Hidgens hardly left his house, and now he was going to sit in the waiting room of a hospital, alone, for her? She couldn’t really wrap her mind around that. He was going out of his way and his comfort zone for her. She appreciated it more than she could ever express. 

The hallways seemed to last forever as they swerved through and took a plethora of twists and turns. Everything she looked at looked the same, and she started to wonder if they were going in circles. Every step she took made the nerves in her stomach grow, and she began to feel nauseous.

_ If they were dead, they would've told me already. Right? _

She couldn’t help but think of the last time she had been in a hospital, when Aubrey had to get her appendix removed. That had been the scariest day of her life, but now, she thought, that day may be usurped by the current one. She wondered if Becky was working today. Part of her hoped she was. If her world fell completely apart, she’d want some more comfort than Hidgens could provide. 

When she wasn't paying attention, the nurse stopped in her tracks in front of a tall woman in a lab coat and scrubs, putting a hand on her arm, "Sweetie, this is Dr. James. She's been caring for the patients you're here to see. She'll bring you to them."

Emma nodded, forcing a smile onto her face as she thanked the nurse for her kindness.

"You must be Ms. Perkins, correct?" Dr. James questioned, beginning to walk down yet another hallway.

All Emma could do was nod, suddenly feeling like she was going to cry again.

"Your daughter and-?"

"Boyfriend."

"Your daughter and boyfriend were in a car accident this afternoon. They were t-boned from the left side; it wasn't their fault," the woman said matter-of-factly, not noticing Emma's shuddering exhale.

_ Paul was on that side. Aubrey wasn't. What does that mean for them? _

"When the EMTs arrived, Mr. Matthews was found unconscious in the backseat with his arms around your daughter. We think he jumped back there after the collision, but eventually passed out due to some head trauma- he has a concussion. Your daughter was awake but was clearly in shock. She only has a broken arm and a couple of bumps and bruises."

With that, they stopped in front of a room. Dr. James opened the door slowly, and Emma couldn't help herself from all but running inside.

Paul was sat up in the hospital bed in a gown. His expression turned up in a pained smile when he saw her. His head was wrapped in gauze, some bruises littering his face. One of his arms was in a sling, his other arm wrapped around his torso where she caught sight of more gauze.

"Paul," she whimpered out, stumbling forward and taking his newly outstretched hand in her own, "Are you okay?"

He nodded slightly, wincing at the jostling, "I'm so sorry Em, I put Aubrey in danger. It's all my fault."

She could see tears begin to build in his blue eyes and she quickly shook her head, "No. I'm just glad you're alright."

Really, she was feeling much more complicated emotions than that, but she didn't know how to voice them at the moment.

Emma looked up to where Dr. James was examining his vitals, "Where is my daughter?

"She had to go have her arm casted."

Emma's gaze shot back to Paul, who was squeezing her hand tightly. "She was a little scared and upset. They wouldn't let me go with her, but she was being so, so brave. Becky Barnes came and took her, she said she heard that Aubrey was in again and wanted to come see her and bring her even though she’s busy. She said she doesn’t know if she’s going to be back or not."

Emma nodded, finally letting her tears fall down her cheeks and bringing her forehead down to rest against their intertwined hands, "Jesus, Paul. This sucks."

"I know. I'm so sorry. The guy just came out of nowhere, and I know how scared you must've been because of Jane and-"

"The thought of losing either of you," Emma muttered, interrupting him, "is the worst thing I've ever experienced."

"I know, baby. I'm so sorry," he said. Her heartbreak could be heard in her voice.

"I wish you could hold me," she responded after a minute, looking up at him with a watery smile, "I don't want to hurt you."

"As soon as we bust out of here, I'll hold you and Aubs all you want, okay?"

Suddenly, the door to the room opened, and in walked Dr. James pushing Aubrey in a wheelchair. The couple hadn't even realized the woman had left the room.

When Emma's eyes landed on her girl, the pace of her tears quickened. She was awake. She was alive.

The little girl's eyes were red and puffy, the remnants of tears on her cheeks. On her left arm was a purple cast that went just above her elbow, and under her right arm, a plush bear was tucked. There was a large bandage placed on her forehead where Emma assumed a cut was located. 

"Mommy?" Aubrey said happily yet tiredly.

"Oh, baby girl," Emma burst up from the chair that she had thrown herself into, rushing over to lift the child out of the wheelchair and into her arms. She hugged her tightly, one hand cupping the back of her head and the other supporting the rest of her body.

Aubrey wrapped her legs around Emma's waist and buried her head in the crook of her neck, "Mommy."

The hug of her daughter was never needed more than in that moment. After a couple of seconds, the child looked up and over Emma's shoulder at Paul.

"Daddy?" Her lip began to tremble at her first sight of him all bandaged up. When they had rolled her away to put her cast on, her mind was still a little bit fuzzy and she was disoriented. She hadn't been able to determine where she was or what was happening.

"I'm alright, buddy. Don't worry," Paul said quickly, noticing her tears.

Aubrey reached her uninjured arm out to him, and Emma could tell that she wanted to go sit with him, "Sweetheart, you can't cuddle with Daddy right now, okay?"

Promptly, Aubrey burst into tears. Emma hugged her closer, rocking back and forth much like when she was a baby who had trouble sleeping, "Shh, he's just a little hurt. He'll be okay, we just need to let him heal right now."

"You are all very lucky," Dr. James interjected, heading to leave the room. "From what I understand, the car was in terrible condition when the authorities arrived. They said they had seen similar crashes before where no one survived. Someone must be looking out for you."

Quickly, she added, "Miss Perkins has already been discharged. Mr. Matthews will need to stay overnight for observation but will be ready to go home tomorrow. Visiting hours end at 8 P.M."

Before Emma could think of thanking her, the woman left the room and shut the door behind them, giving them some privacy.

All Emma could think about was Jane. She didn't know if she believed in heaven, or some other kind of afterlife, but she now firmly knew that her sister was there for her, somewhere.

Her reverie was interrupted by Aubrey's sniffles growing in volume. She returned to the seat next to Paul's bed and sat her daughter on her lap, "Everything's alright, baby girl."

"Emma," Paul caught her attention, his voice strained, "Give her to me. I'll be okay."

Emma gave him a pointed look, but he shook his head. She figured there'd be no changing his mind, so she stood up and tucked Aubrey under his uninjured arm, "Just stay right there, sweetie. Be gentle."

The child nestled herself ever so slightly into Paul's side, whimpering as he let out a grunt of pain at the pressure, "I'm sorry."

"No, buddy. Don't be sorry. The medicine they gave me to make me feel better hasn't started working yet," Paul murmured to her, "I'm sorry you had to go through all this."

"Aubrey," Emma said gently, "Do you remember what happened?"

The child thought for a minute before shaking her head slightly, her face regretful, as though she felt she was letting them down.

"Hey, that's okay. You and Daddy were in a car accident," Emma said, her voice thickening with tears by the second. Speaking it out loud made it all the more real and scary, and made her think more of what could have happened.

She didn't think she would have been able to survive if the two most important things in her life were gone all at once. The weight of them not being with her would've hung on her shoulders every day until she herself faded into nothingness.

"What's that mean?"

"Another car crashed into you and Daddy while you were driving. It can be really dangerous."

Aubrey played with Paul's fingers for a moment before she whispered, "I remember it was scary. And it was loud, so I started crying."

Emma nodded, leaning over to press a kiss to her skull, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, sweetie pie."

Aubrey shook her head and continued despite her mother's statement, "And Daddy unbuckled and came back and hugged me and told me it was okay. And then I was here, but I don't know how we got here, and they took me to put my cast on, and I started crying for Daddy again and I heard his voice but I couldn't see him," she waved her casted arm slightly, sniffling softly, "It was scary, Mommy."

"I know, but I'm so proud of you. You were so brave."

The little girl nodded slightly, "I'm tired."

"I'm sure you are, Aubs, you've been through a lot. Go to sleep," Paul said, stroking her arm lightly.

Aubrey yawned, leaning her head carefully on Paul's torso. Before her eyes fully closed, she murmured out, "Please don't leave me."

Paul and Emma shared a worried gaze before their gazes landed on their girl.

"We would never, baby girl. Never," Emma confirmed.

The little girl nodded drowsily, and it only took a moment before small snores were leaving her.

"Jesus, Paul," Emma said softly again, her heart still feeling as though it was going to beat out of her chest.

He smiled sadly at her and patted the spot beside him on the bed that wasn't occupied by her daughter. She sat hesitantly on the edge, reaching up and playing with the hair on the nape of his neck that was peeking out from under the bandage. 

"I just want us all to go home," she whined slightly.

"I know, Em. You and Aubrey should head home. She deserves to go sleep in her bed."

Emma leaned back indignantly, her eyes narrowed. She glanced at the clock on the wall behind the hospital bed, "Excuse me, I still have three hours to be here with you. I'm not leaving."

"Emma," Paul said pleadingly, "Please. My parents are on their way, and I'm pretty sure Bill, Alice, and Charlotte are stopping by, too. Hell, I think Ted is even coming. I won't be lonely, I'll be fine. I'd rather you two go home and relax. I'll call at Aubrey's bedtime to talk to her, and I'll talk to you until you fall asleep."

She frowned at him so he added, "Please. Go home."

"You're lucky I love you," she muttered, standing up and tossing her bag over her shoulder. She shot a quick text to Hidgens, telling him that she was heading out in a minute, and he texted her back telling her that he would pull the car up.

She walked over to the other side of the bed and slowly and carefully lifted Aubrey into her arms, securing the little one's head on her shoulder. She most definitely didn't want her daughter to wake up.

"Bye, babe. You said you'd call, right?" she questioned hopefully.

"Of course."

Emma nodded to herself and began to walk out of the room, the weight of her daughter, her bag, and her emotions making her pace slow significantly. She stopped at the sound of Paul's voice.

"Oh, and Em?"

She turned to face him, "Yeah?"

"If either of you has a nightmare tonight, don't hesitate to call, okay? That means you too," he said sternly.

He knew she was prone to nightmares when something traumatic occurred in their lives. On the night of the anniversary of Jane's death, she was plagued with constant terrors that woke her up every couple of hours. Once, when CCRP was evacuated due to a small fire that was started by the microwave in one of the break rooms, he woke up to her flailing around and yelling his name. Ultimately, she told him that she dreamt that the flames engulfed him before she could do anything to save him, and he died right in front of her.

She smiled weakly, "Okay, I will."

She really wasn't sure how much she would be sleeping in the first place. 

———

She wasn't going to be sleeping at all, her brain had decided.

She laid up awake, staring at her ceiling, eyes wide. Aubrey slept next to her, back facing her, arms wrapped around one of hers.

The little girl had woken up periodically, mostly from the pain of her broken arm and her head. Emma had been constantly attentive, ready with a dose of pain medication after every two hour threshold passed and ready with her arms open for cuddles when her daughter woke up, wanting to be held.

Aubrey was seemingly free of nightmares, but every time Emma closed her eyes, all she could see was the collision and what could have been. Even though she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, it was all too easy for her to imagine.

The driver rotated between Paul and Jane. Aubrey was always in the car at varying ages, crying for help. The results of the crash were always catastrophic and deadly, and it shook her to her core.

Losing Paul would've broken her heart completely. Losing Aubrey would've shattered her into a million pieces.

Losing both of them? That would have killed her.

She decided that stopping trying to sleep would be easier, even as exhaustion weighed down her limbs. Reaching over to the nightstand and picking up her phone, she swiftly typed in the one number that she knew by heart.

She didn't want to bother him, but she didn't know what else to do. She had to hear his voice.

She shakily brought the phone up to her ear, where it only rang once before a tired "Hello?" sounded.

"Hi Paul."

"Hi babe. You alright?" He asked, suddenly sounding more awake.

"Um," she muttered, "I don't really know."

"You know what? Me neither."

"Are you in pain?" Emma asked worriedly.

"A little bit," Paul responded, his voice thick with emotions, "Turns out trauma makes me prone to nightmares too."

Emma sighed, "Oh babe, I'm so sorry."

"They're all about Aubs. We get into the crash, I look back, she's all bloody and... she's just gone," he said shakily, his voice breaking.

"That's what mine are like too, except it's also about you. I haven't slept."

"Me neither."

"The doctor said I'm still on track to come home tomorrow! That's good at least. I'm already feeling better physically."

"That's because they have you on some pretty good pain meds," Emma said, breathing out a small laugh.

"Eh," Paul responded, and she could hear the smile through his voice, "How's Aubrey?"

"She's alright. No nightmares, just some pain."

"Good. That's good."

"She's holding onto me like a vice, though. She's probably gonna be sleeping between us for a good long while," Emma mused softly.

"Y'know what? That's absolutely fine. I don't really want to let her out of my sight anymore anyway."

Silence filled the line in between them, and with it Emma could feel emotion building up in her chest. She tried to hold back her tears, but they pushed their way to the surface and down her cheeks rapidly. She tried her best to hold back any sobs in order to not disturb the child, but a few escaped anyway.

"Em?" Paul questioned softly, his voice full of equal parts concern and admiration.

"I-I'm just really glad that you're a-alright."

"I know, baby. Try to go to sleep, alright? I'll stay on the line with you until you fall asleep."

"No, Paul, that's o-okay. I'm f-fine, I-," Emma tried to insist, but he cut her off.

"No," he said firmly, "Put the phone down on the nightstand, and I'll stay here until you fall asleep."

"Okay," she relented.

She did as he said and settled into her pillow, finding solace as Aubrey shifted and pressed her head to her mother's chest.

"I love you, Em."

That was the last thing she heard before she drifted off for the first time in what felt like days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: I wrote the Hidgens part well before everyone in Starkid kept emphasizing how much of a villain he is and I didn't want to change it, so he's a nice guy in this fic.


	17. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma, Paul, and Aubrey visit the cemetery. Emma has a much-needed heart to heart with Jane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of heavy but I feel like it was something that needed to be dealt with! No major trigger warnings for this, besides mentions of cemeteries and the car crash(es). 
> 
> Thanks everybody for reading and your continued support! I really, really appreciate it!

Emma hadn’t brought Aubrey to visit Jane for a long time. 

She really didn’t know why, and she didn’t have any good reasons. It made her feel incredibly guilty when she dwelled on it for too long. It was easy to ignore the giant weight that the crash left on her shoulders. However, every time she looked at Aubrey, the thought of it flickered in the back of her mind. 

It wasn’t Aubrey’s fault, of course. She was the living victim of something that happened to her before she could even form memories. Emma knew that Aubrey was her daughter, as she raised her and loved her with all of her heart, but she would always be Jane’s daughter too. Everything about Aubrey was exactly like Jane.

As Aubrey grew older, Emma’s guilt grew with her. When the child continually called her Mama when she was eight months old, despite Emma’s failed attempts to stop her, the guilt nearly overcame her. She wasn’t supposed to be this child’s mother. Her mother was dead. But she had to accept it, because she was all the precious little girl had. 

With every passing day, she loved being Aubrey’s Mom more. She couldn’t fathom that, as she had never wanted kids before, but it took little convincing for her to accept it. The guilt grew, but it stayed in the back of her mind as she was constantly distracted by Aubrey and, later, Paul. 

After Aubrey and Paul’s accident, though, she couldn’t shake it from her mind. When she realized that it hadn’t been since the last anniversary of Jane and her husband’s death that they had been to the cemetery, she knew that they needed to take a trip. They had used to go every month when Aubrey was smaller. What happened? 

They needed to go back, even though Emma felt as though she was falling apart every time they did. 

So, that’s where they were, two weeks after the accident. Emma was walking slowly, holding Paul’s uninjured hand and helping support him. He was still in a lot of pain from the accident. Emma tried to convince him to stay home, but he insisted on coming with them. He knew it was hard for her, so he wanted to be there. More than that, he wanted to pay some type of tribute to the two people that brought the most important people he had into his life. 

Aubrey was skipping in front of the couple, a bouquet of flowers that she picked out in her uncasted hand. 

“You okay?” Paul murmured to her as they walked. She had been silent on the drive over and her eyes remained unfocused as she operated the vehicle. She didn’t like driving before their accident, and now she hated it even more. He didn’t know if her spaciness was due to that, or their destination. 

All she could do was shrug as she guided him around headstones, staring at their feet. Tears were already welling in her eyes, and she refused to let them fall. 

She heard Paul sigh, his hold on her hand tightening. 

“I know, Em,” he said softly. 

She acknowledged him with a squeeze of the hand. How this man, who’d she had only known for a few years, knew her better than she knew herself, she would never know. 

She didn’t look up until she heard Aubrey speak. The little girl had stopped in front of two headstones, side by side, and placed the bouquet of flowers in between them, before dropping to her knees in front of them. 

“Hi Mom. Hi Dad,” Aubrey said, the slightest bit of sorrow in her voice. She didn’t remember her first parents, but she knew it was sad when people died, and she knew it hurt her Mommy’s heart when they visited, so it made her sad in turn, “How was your day? My day was good, except my arm still hurts.” 

When they finally caught up to Aubrey, both Paul and Emma’s eyes flitted over the headstones; Emma’s, for the millionth time, and Paul’s, for the first. 

—

_ Jane Caroline Perkins-Wells _

_ Beloved Wife, Mother, Daughter, and Sister _

_ 1982-2015 _

_ — _

_ Michael James Wells _

_ Beloved Husband, Father, and Son _

_ 1983-2015 _

_ — _

Seeing Jane’s name on a headstone never didn’t make chills go down Emma’s spine, no matter how long it had been since she was gone. 

Another wave of guilt flooded over Emma as she looked at the photo of her brother-in-law that his family insisted had been put on his headstone. She didn’t know this man at all, despite him being her family in more ways than one. She had only ever seen photos of him, since Jane hadn’t met him until she had gone to Guatemala. She desperately wished that she felt something while looking into the eyes of the smiling man who she knew loved her sister and their daughter with everything he had, but he was nothing more than a stranger to her. 

All she knew was that she was glad Jane’s headstone didn’t have a similar photo. It would’ve been unbearable if it did. 

Shaking it off, she made sure Paul was steady with his cane that the doctors had given him for support before kneeling next to Aubrey and wrapping her arm around the child. 

“Do you maybe want to introduce them to Paul, Aubs? He has never come here before to see them,” Emma suggested, and Aubrey nodded eagerly. 

“Okay! Mom, Dad, this is Paul!” Aubrey exclaimed, pointing up at the standing man, “He’s Mommy’s boyfriend, and-and he’s my new Daddy.” 

Her face fell, “I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings.” She looked up at Emma for guidance, “Mom told you that she wanted you to be my new Mommy, but-but did she say anything about a new Daddy?” 

Emma’s mind flashed back to when she first got her hands on the letter Jane had left her. While her teary eyes had searched the piece of paper for anything that even remotely made the situation make sense, one thing had stuck out to her: 

_ Please make sure my baby is happy, Emmy. That’s all I want. Whatever it takes, no questions asked. If she’s happy, then I’m happy, bottom line. If something happens to us, I want her to be with you, and I want her to be happy. _

“Mommy?” Aubrey murmured, still gazing up at her with her endearing brown eyes. 

Emma rubbed her back softly, “All they wanted was for you to be happy, Aubs. Does Paul being your Dad make you happy?” 

Aubrey nodded quickly, looking at Paul to make sure he saw. He smiled in response. 

“Then it doesn’t hurt their feelings. I promise.” 

Aubrey smiled, clearly pleased by the answer. She looked back at the headstones, “And-And Daddy is the best! He loves me and Mommy very much, and I know that because he tells us every day! He can’t sit down and talk right now because his body hurts really bad because we had an accident, but someday he will, I promise!” 

Aubrey’s eyes shot back up to Paul, “Do you want to say hi, Daddy?” 

“Of course I do,” Paul said, wincing slightly but hiding it well as Aubrey shot up and hugged his leg. He reached out to pat each headstone in turn, “Hi Jane. Hi Michael. Thank you.” 

Emma knew what he meant by that. He didn’t have to explain anything. She knew he was grateful for them, because, whether they knew it or not, they brought the two most important people in his life to him. That, above everything, was significantly special to him, and he'd always be thankful. 

“Thank you for what?” Aubrey asked curiously. 

Paul looked at Emma, searching her gaze to find out if this was something that was okay to explain to the child right then. When she shook her head slightly, he chuckled, “I’ll tell you when you’re a little older, okay? It’s hard to explain.”

Aubrey furrowed her eyebrows, “What is it?” 

“It’s too complicated to explain right now. I’ll do it in a little bit, okay?”

Aubrey’s shoulders sagged slightly and she groaned, “Okay, I guess.” 

“Aubs, do you think you can help Daddy walk back to the car? I want a minute alone with them,” Emma asked softly, her voice already wavering. 

Aubrey didn’t pick up on it, but Paul did. He sent her a small, sad smile, one that she forced herself to return. 

Aubrey nodded, said a quick goodbye to the headstones, and slowly headed off with Paul. Once Emma was sure they wouldn’t be able to hear her, she turned back to the graves in front of her, particularly the one to the left. 

“Hi Jane,” she whispered, a few tears already starting to leak out of the corners of her eyes. She sniffled, “I’m really sorry it’s been so long.” 

She took a deep, shaky breath before continuing, “I-I just really wanted to talk to you. Because, um, Aubrey and Paul should’ve d-died in that car crash, and they didn’t. I don’t know where the fuck you go after you die, if anywhere, and I’m not religious, obviously, but I’m not fucking stupid. You did something. I know you did.” 

She squeezed her eyes shut, the smallest of sobs leaving her mouth, “And I’m really fucking grateful for that. Because you could’ve just decided, ‘fuck it, I’m dead, I don’t care, I want to see my daughter again’, and let them die. And-And if that happened, I-I really wouldn’t have survived, Jane. I wouldn’t have. I love them too much. I barely survived losing you, and that’s only because I had Aubrey to give me something to live for. 

“By some fucking miracle, they’re alive. The doctor told me, Jane. They should’ve died. But you, or the universe, or whatever the fuck, didn’t let that happen. Thank you,” she said tearily, glancing over at where Aubrey and Paul were almost to the car, “I’ll never let it go this long without coming to see you again, I promise. I-I was getting to a really good place, and I’m going to try and stay there, because it’s really fucking nice, actually. You know, you always told me that someday I would find someone, and someday everything would get better. I really didn’t believe you back then, but Paul is really, really great. He’s more than I deserve.” 

She sucked in a deep breath, wiping her tears off of her cheeks and standing up, “You would’ve yelled at me if you heard me say that, I guess, huh? You always saw the best in things, and I never did. I’m trying to get better at that, because of Aubrey. Pessimism isn’t her style.” 

“C’mon Mommy!” Aubrey yelled from the car. 

Emma sent her a smile before turning and speaking to the headstone, “Duty calls. God, I wish you could see her now, J. She’s fucking beautiful, and hilarious, and crazy, and smart as hell. She’s like a mix of you and me, I guess. She’s the best.” 

Aubrey’s giggles caught Emma’s attention, and she turned to find Paul, who was sitting halfway in the car with the door open, poking Aubrey jokingly with the cane and tickling her with his other hand. The child was finding it hilarious, and Paul was laughing too, his eyes bright. 

She turned back to the headstones one last time, at least for right then.

“I’ll make sure she’s always this happy. I promise.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, I have had this fic mapped out since long before Black Friday came out, hence why Jane wasn't married to Tom. I just wanted to mention this in case the question came up :P


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubrey has her first day of kindergarten. Emma reminisces about when Aubrey was littler. Wholesome banter ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College has started back up for me, and I am very, very busy. The next few chapters of this are already written, though, so I'm hoping I'll get them up sooner than later (We can hope!) 
> 
> We're also coming up on the one year anniversary of me starting to publish this fic, which is really exciting for me because I've never been so committed to writing a multichaptered fic before in my life. Thank you all for reading and continuing to read and leave kudos and comments! It means the world to me!

“You know what, Mommy? I don’t think kindergarten is for me.” 

“Excuse me? What does that even mean, child?”

Emma, Paul, and Aubrey were in the car, heading to Aubrey’s first day of kindergarten. The little girl was incredibly nervous, yet she was trying to mask it with confidence. She had gotten used to the kids at her pre-school, and now she might not be in a class with any of them at all. Plus, there were going to be so many more kids that she was going to have to meet, which made anxiety bubble in her stomach. 

“Um,” Aubrey mumbled, “I-I think I’m just meant to stay home with you and Daddy and play with my dinosaurs.” 

“Bud, Mom and I have to go to work,” Paul reminded softly, “We just took today off so we could bring you to school.” 

“Well, you just shouldn’t go to work anymore,” Aubrey proposed proudly. 

“Aubrey, you like chicken nuggets, right?” Emma asked. Paul took his eyes off of the road for a moment and sent her a look, wondering where the hell she was going with the train of thought.

“Um, yeah?” Aubrey replied, seeming just as confused.

“If Daddy and I didn’t go to work, we wouldn’t be able to have chicken nuggets anymore, or any other food you like, because we wouldn’t have any money. No mac and cheese, no pizza. All we’d have to eat is grass. You wanna eat grass?” Emma said, a smile crossing her face at the look of disgust Aubrey produced.

“No! No grass! That’s gross,” Aubrey groaned indignantly. 

“Aubrey, what’s really going on?” Emma said, the joking tone in her voice completely gone and replaced with sympathy, “Why don’t you want to go to school?” 

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” the child grumbled, wringing her hands in her laps as she stared with disdain at the backpack on the floor, “Why do I have to go?”

Emma shared another look with Paul, this one having a sense of sadness. After the car accident, Aubrey’s clinginess has drastically increased from the level it had been beforehand. They had been almost completely gone, and now they were back at almost full force. She was afraid of losing them, Emma guesses, which broke her heart. 

“Pumpkin, as soon as school is done at four o’ clock, Daddy and I will be there to pick you up. But you have to go to school to learn and get even smarter than you already are, so that one day you’ll be a genius!” Emma replied encouragingly, “It’ll be good for you to make some friends so you can have playdates and have people to talk to at recess and stuff.” 

“But I’m not good at making friends,” Aubrey muttered. The comment made Emma’s heart drop. 

Aubrey really didn’t make any close friends during preschool. She played with other kids, sure, but never bonded enough with any of them to have playdates with them or for Emma to get to know their parents’ names. She was only ever invited to birthday parties that the whole class was invited to. 

Emma couldn’t help but blame her own behavior for that. Once Emma got back to Hatchetfield and Aubrey was placed into her care, she all but isolated herself. She didn’t associate with other adults really at all, just focused on supporting herself and raising the child she barely even knew. She didn’t know if her lack of socialization was because of the years of solitary travel she had done, or if she deep down had a fear of being judged; by other women, by other parents, by every damn person in the fucking town. She hadn’t made a friend until she reconnected with Becky Barnes and, subsequently, Tom Houston, and she didn’t have any serious relationships until Paul. 

She never took action to get Aubrey into any playgroups, or talk to the other parents at the daycare. It was one of her biggest regrets as a mom. 

“Aubrey…” She started, really not sure what to say. 

Paul interjected, sensing her hesitance, “Buddy, I had a hard time making friends in school too. I was really quiet and a lot of kids thought I was weird.” 

“That’s how it is for me too,” Aubrey replied softly, her eyes still downcast.

Emma shot him a glare, mouthing  _ You’re not helping! _ but he just shook his head with a slight smile before continuing. 

“Yeah, and I understand how hard that is. But after a few weeks, I found a handful of people that understood me and accepted me. For some people, it just takes a little longer to find who they can click with, and that’s okay. You’ll be okay, bud, I promise,” Paul tried to assure. Aubrey just nodded in response. 

“Look, we’re here!” Emma announced as they pulled into the parking lot of the small elementary school building. 

Aubrey let out a large sigh, squeezing her eyes shut as they turned into a parking spot and Paul shifted the car into park. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was really, really scared. She didn’t like being away from her parents when she was in preschool, and now she was going to be in school for twice as long as she was then. The thought brought tears to her eyes that she tried her best to hold back. She didn’t want to cry. 

She opened her eyes again when she heard her door open, her gaze finding that of her mom. Emma smiled slightly at her and kissed her forehead before grabbing the child’s backpack with one hand and unbuckling her car seat with the other. 

“C-Can Daddy carry me?” Aubrey murmured bashfully, “Or is that too babyish for kindergarten?” She didn’t want her classmates to judge her before she even got to meet them properly. Then they probably wouldn’t want to talk to her at all.

“No, honey, that’s not too babyish. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’d be happy to carry you,” Emma said, before catching Paul’s eyes from over the top of the car, “C’mon, Mr. Strong Guy, you have a carry request.” 

“Ooh, a carry request!? My favorite!” Paul exclaimed, rounding the car and joining Emma in the open door. He stuck his arms out and Aubrey immediately climbed into them. Slowly, he lifted her out of the vehicle, careful to not cause her to hit her head on the roof as he did so. He shifted her onto his hip as he stepped away from the car, Emma closing the door behind them. 

“Do you want to carry your backpack in, Aubs?” Emma asked before they started walking towards the front entrance of the school. The parking lot was filled with kids Aubrey’s age and their families, as the school had the kindergarteners start school a day earlier than the other kids so they could get adjusted with less of a crowd. Despite that, though, there were still many more kids than had ever been at Aubrey’s preschool. It was enough for even Emma to feel overwhelmed. She could feel Paul tense beside her as he eyed the crowd, not being one to enjoy large social gatherings at all. 

Aubrey seemed to not pick up on the crowd as much, though, Emma figured her mind was just preoccupied with the other implications of the situation. The little girl looked at the backpack suspiciously before her body visibly relaxed slightly and she nodded. Emma handed the backpack over, and Aubrey grabbed it unenthusiastically. 

With that, they headed towards the entrance. Aubrey’s eyes flitted over the people around them furiously, relieved to see that many of the other kids were held in their parents arms like her. She nestled her head against Paul’s, and she could feel him reciprocate. 

They soon arrived at Aubrey’s classroom, and that’s when the butterflies in her stomach started to increase drastically. It made her feel sick. She was way too close to being separated from her parents, and she felt much too uneasy about it. The bright colors of the welcoming signs in the hallway and the fluorescent lights suddenly seemed too intense to bear, and she buried her face into Paul’s neck. 

“Aubs?” She heard him question, “What’s wrong, bud?” 

She couldn’t say anything. Her tummy hurt too bad. 

She felt a delicate, familiar hand on her back, and a voice murmur, “Sweet girl, what’s going on?” 

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Aubrey moved her head to peak an eye out to look for her. She was standing right in front of them, her eyes filled with concern. Aubrey felt tears start to prick her eyes, but she refused to cry. She wouldn’t cry. 

“M-Mommy, I can’t do it,” she whimpered, reaching an arm out to signal that she wanted to be held by the woman. Emma complied, taking the child into her arms without hesitation. 

“Aubrey, I know you can,” Emma tried to soothe, “I know it’s scary, but you’re my strong girl! You’ve sang on a stage in front of tons of people and your classmates, and I know that was scary too, right? But you did it! I know you can do anything, no matter how scary.” 

“I-I can’t,” was all Aubrey could muster to say, her eyes squeezing shut. 

Emma met Paul’s gaze, pleading with him to come up with something that would help the situation. He looked panicked for a moment before he shook it off and began to speak, “How about we just go see your classroom and go from there?”

Aubrey considered it for a moment before she choked out an “Okay.”

“I need to put you down so you can say hi to your teacher, okay? But you can hold our hands all you want. Is that alright?” Emma questioned softly. 

“I-I guess so,” Aubrey murmured, her tears feeling much too present again.

“Aubrey, baby, please don’t cry! You’ll make me cry!” Emma was already dreading the fact that the girl she was sure was a tiny baby just yesterday was now old enough to be in elementary school. The fact that she was having such a hard time with it was making it more difficult to bear.

The child took a shuddering breath in before patting her mother’s back, signalling that she was ready to get put down. Emma did so, and Aubrey grabbed both of her parent’s hands instantly. Together, they walked up to the door of the classroom, where an overly-friendly looking young woman was standing, clad in a rainbow dress with a wide smile on her face. 

“Hello!” The woman exclaimed as the three approached. Her eyes went to Aubrey, who was all but hiding behind Paul’s legs, “Who do we have here!?” 

“This is Aubrey,” Emma replied, gesturing to her daughter with her free hand, “She’s a little shy and scared about all of this.” 

“Oh, that is no problem! Lots of kids are nervous on their first day of kindergarten, but I promise we’re gonna have a great day!” The teacher assured Aubrey, sticking her hand out to shake, “I’m Miss Andrews, and I’m going to be your teacher this year.”

Aubrey quickly took her hand out of Emma’s and shook the woman’s, immediately placing it back in Emma’s when she was done. She was still eyeing the woman warily, but she seemed to be warming up, at least a little bit.

Miss Andrews stood up from her bent over position, and, as she did so, Emma offered her a hand to shake, “I’m Emma, her mom, and this is Paul.” 

“Mommy,” Aubrey spoke up suddenly, tugging on Emma’s hand, “He’s my dad, remember?” 

“Yes, honey, I remember.” 

Aubrey looked up at the teacher, “H-He was just my Mommy’s boyfriend for a while, and he still is, b-but he’s my Daddy now too.” 

Both Emma and Paul’s cheeks turned red as they blushed, taken aback by Aubrey’s sudden honesty. The child was always really eager to talk about Paul and refer to him as her Dad, but she rarely did it to anyone that she didn’t already know. She was just really proud of their little family. 

Just as Emma and Paul were trying to figure out a way to explain the situation to Miss Andrews without telling the whole damn story, the woman smiled widely, “Oh wow! You must have a really great relationship with your Dad then, huh?” 

“Yes!” Aubrey said, rocking forward onto her toes, “He’s my best friend besides Mommy, because Mommy will always be my best friend.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet! Would you and your parents like to come in and see the classroom?” 

Aubrey’s fell and she shrugged, her eyes shooting to the ground, once again feeling shy. Paul squeezed her hand comfortingly, “Lets just go check it out, Aubs.” 

“Okay,” the child whispered, letting Paul guide her into the classroom. 

Before following, Emma stopped in front of Miss Andrews, “I just wanted to let you know that she’s had some issues with clinginess and separation anxiety in the past, and they’ve gotten worse because she and Paul got in an accident over the summer. She’s really attached to both of us, and I’m- I don’t really know how she’s going to react to being here without us for so long. I’m just… worried about her.” 

The teacher smiled knowingly, “Thank you for letting me know. I’ll make sure to pay close attention to her for any signs of distress.” 

Emma nodded, letting out a sigh, “Thank you. I know it’s probably above your pay grade, but-“ 

“Don’t worry about it. I want all of my students to feel comfortable, no matter what. It’s my job to teach them, and they can’t learn if they aren’t comfortable,” Miss Andrews explained, “Is there anything in particular you would want me to do if she were to become anxious?” 

“Call me? My number is in her file. Paul’s should be too. If I don’t answer the phone, call him, but I should answer. I can usually talk her down for the most part,” Emma explained quickly, “I’m hoping you won’t need to, but she’s been with us non-stop since the accident, so I just-I just don’t know.” 

“Sure,” Miss Andrews assured, “Would you like to go in and see the classroom, and say your goodbyes?” 

Emma nodded quickly, trying to fight back a lump in her throat at the thought of leaving Aubrey there. She shook it off quickly, walking across the room to where Paul and Aubrey were standing in front of one of the student desks. Aubrey was looking down at it forlornly, her little fingers picking at something on top of it. When she got closer, she realized it was a nametag with Aubrey’s name written neatly on it. 

“This is a good spot for your seat, don’t you think, Aubs?” Paul was saying as Emma approached, “We can take all of the things out of your backpack and put them in your desk, and then we can put your backpack in your cubby.” 

“You have your own cubby?” Emma said, catching their attention, and kneeling down next to Aubrey. When the child nodded, she added, “That’s awesome, Aubs! At preschool, you had to share, remember?” 

“Yeah,” Aubrey whispered, leaning into Paul’s leg.

They quickly unloaded Aubrey’s backpack, tucking all of her supplies into her desk, before they hung up her lunchbox, backpack, and jacket into her cubby. When all was said and done, both adults kneeled down in front of Aubrey, whose eyes were still trained on the ground. 

“Okay, pumpkin, we have to go now,” Emma said softly. 

Aubrey’s gaze immediately shot up to them, her glossy eyes wide with fear, “No, Mommy, please don’t go.” 

“Aubrey, we have to,” Paul added, “We’ll be back to get you in a few hours. You’ll have fun, don’t you think?” 

“No,” Aubrey sniffled heavily, “No, I’ll only have fun when you’re here.” 

“That’s not true,” Emma said, “Now, if you get anxious, your teacher knows to call me so I can talk to you. But can you try and stick it out? I know you can do it.”

Aubrey paused for a moment before giving a small nod. Emma smiled, “That’s my girl. Here, give us a hug.” 

Aubrey nearly fell into Emma’s arms, murmuring, “I love you, Mommy.” 

“I love you too, baby girl,” Emma comforted, pressing a kiss to the side of Aubrey’s head. 

Aubrey pulled out of her arms after a few moments before moving over to squeeze Paul in a hug as well. 

“Love you, buddy,” Paul murmured, “You’re gonna do awesome!” 

“I love you too, Daddy,” she whimpered against his shoulder before pulling away slowly. 

They guided her over to her desk and sat her down. She stared down at her lap, her lip still stuck out in a pout as she willed her tears to stop. 

Everything in Emma was screaming at her not to leave, but she knew she had to. She glanced over at Paul, who smiled sadly at her, and she knew that he was feeling the same thing. 

“Bye baby girl. We’ll be back in no time!” Emma assured, forcing herself to turn around and walk out of the classroom as soon as Aubrey sent her a little sad wave. She didn’t look back until she was halfway down the hallway, where she stopped to let Paul catch up with her. 

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to do,” Emma muttered under her breath, grabbing Paul’s hand once he was within reach. 

“I know, Em, but she’ll be okay,” he said, “She’ll do great.” 

“Yeah, let’s hope. Let’s just go home before I fucking burst into tears or something,” she said softly. He smiled sympathetically down at her. 

As they drove home, Emma kept her head leaned back against the headrest. Her eyes were trained forward, even as she began to speak, “Y’know, I’m pretty sure she was six months old literally yesterday.” 

“Yeah?” He said with a small chuckle. 

“Yeah,” she mused, “She was so tiny, Paul. She was only like five pounds when she was born, so by the time I met her, she was still pretty little. She takes after Jane, I guess. Jane was only a little bit taller than me.” 

She sighed heavily, looking down at her hands in her lap, “And now she’s in fucking kindergarten. I swear to God, she’s gonna be graduating high school tomorrow.” 

“Don’t think like that,” Paul said, “We’ve still got like, I don’t know, thirteen years left before that happens.” 

“Everyone talks about how it goes by so fast, y’know?” Emma said softly, “Everyone told me that when she was a baby, and that you have to soak it all in. And it wasn’t that I didn’t believe them, but I was too busy trying to provide for us that I didn’t take time to actually really think about it. But they were all right. It goes by way too fast. I love her and the person she’s becoming, but sometimes I miss when she was little, and she fit in a carrier that could hold her on my chest, and she giggled at literally everything I did. She didn’t have sass back then, either.” 

“We love her sass,” Paul replied. 

“Yeah, we do,” Emma laughed, “But-But it was so different and so special back then, and it’s never going to be like that again.” 

“Every stage she has is probably going to be different and special.” 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Emma murmured, “I just can’t believe she’s already in elementary school.” 

When they got back to the house, Emma immediately began rummaging through the hall closet, eventually pulling out a medium-sized plastic container. She dragged it over to where Paul was sitting on the couch, who had been watching what she was doing with furrowed eyebrows. 

She plopped down next to him, “This is Aubrey’s memory box. Jane started it. I thought the least I could do was continue it.” 

Paul nodded understandingly as she bent down to open it. She pulled out photo after photo of Aubrey as a baby, and the little thing was smiling wide in every single one. It was the exact same smile she had today, he recognized. 

Emma pulled out a pacifier and a small blanket with a stuffed animal attached, gazing at them with a small smile on her face, “These were her favorite until she was a year and a half. She eventually stopped wanting the pacifier, which made it easier for me because weaning her from it would have probably been a nightmare. She was strong willed as fuck back then. And then she started preferring her bigger blanket, so I put this one in here so we’d always have it.” 

She reached a hand back into the box and grabbed a tiny onesie, along with a larger one with a tutu attached. She lifted the larger one up and laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it, “She wore this on her first birthday. I brought her to the store and showed her all of her options, and of course, this was the one she picked. She screamed if I tried to take it out of the cart. Even then, I should’ve known she’d be a girly-girl for the most part.” She placed that one down on her lap and picked up the smaller one, “And she wore this when she came home from the hospital. It was one of the only things Jane had gotten the chance to put in there. I’m probably going to put the clothes she wore today in here once she grows out of them, and some of the pictures we took before we left.” 

As she continued on, Paul could only watch her with a tender smile on his face. He loved when she was soft and sentimental like this. It was rare, a side of her he almost never got to see. The light in her eyes was soft and delicate and made his heart warm. The love she had for her daughter was emanating off of her, he could feel it.

After going through it all and putting it away safely in the closet, she sat beside him once again, curling into his side. She kept her phone held tightly in her hand, just in case she got a call from the school. She looked up at him, murmuring, “Sorry about that. It was kinda long and rambly.” 

“I thought it was sweet!” Paul protested, “Her coming home outfit? Fucking tiny and adorable.” 

“Yeah,” she laughed softly. She paused for a moment before continuing, “Do you think she’s okay?” 

“Well, they haven’t called you yet.” 

“I know that. Just, in general, I guess. Like she could still be anxious but just not enough that it constitutes them calling,” Emma explained. 

“She’s probably nervous, but is able to handle it. I’m sure she’ll make some kind of friend, or at least talk to the other kids,” Paul said, “I don’t think she’ll sit there alone all day. The teacher will probably introduce her to someone if she does.” 

“Yeah,” Emma murmured against his chest, “Now, what the hell are we supposed to do for five hours without her? It’s already boring as fuck.” 

“Uh, we can start that new show we’ve been meaning to watch, I guess,” he suggested, shrugging. He grabbed the remote to queue up the episodes, speaking as he went, “You’re right, this is boring. At least after today we’ll be at work.” 

“That shit is even MORE boring,” she exclaimed, throwing her head back. 

“Maybe once you graduate and get a job that doesn’t consist of making coffee all day, you won’t be bored anymore,” he mused, “Although, I am gonna miss you when you’re not at Beanies anymore. I like seeing you in the middle of the day every day. Gives me something to look forward to.” 

“Looking forward to seeing me at home isn’t enough?” She asked jokingly, raising an eyebrow. 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“I know. But it also will mean that you have no obligation to go to Beanies ever again! You can walk your cute little butt to Starbucks everyday and get better coffee instead,” she said, her expression brightening with a large smile. 

“But the coffee is good when you make it!” 

“Nu-uh, don’t flatter me. It’s all the same coffee beans. It’s all the same,” she said. 

“But you make it with love, Em!” He protested teasingly, “I know it!” 

“Eh, I only make it with love when I’m in a good mood, which is pretty much only 20% of the time when I’m at work, “ she explained, shifting and sprawling herself over his lap, “Now put the goddamn show on.” 

“We could do other things,” he said only halfway joking, winking as his thumb slowly lowered down to press the button that would start the show. 

She reached up to smack his shoulder, “Nope, we aren’t having sex right now. I just got all sentimental, and the school could call literally any fucking minute. Not doing it.” 

“Later?” 

“If you’re lucky. Now press the fucking button.” 

-

Much to Emma’s surprise, they never did get a phone call from the school. She wanted to be pleased, but part of her concerned. Was Aubrey hiding her anxieties from the teacher and bottling it all up? She didn’t know. 

When she and Paul arrived back at the entrance of the classroom, they peeked in to see Aubrey sitting at her desk with her backpack on, kicking her feet back and forth as she looked around the room aimlessly. She looked content at least. That was good. 

Miss Andrews spotted them at the door and enthusiastically said, “Look who’s here, Aubrey?” 

The girl’s eyes immediately shot towards the door, and a smile spread across her cheeks. She hopped up from her seat and ran towards them, immediately wrapping her little arms around their legs, “Mommy! Daddy! You’re back!” 

“We told you we were coming back, didn’t we?” Emma asked, leaning down to lift the child into her arms with a huff. She squeezed her briefly before passing her into Paul’s arms, who was much more adept to hold her for extended periods of time. 

The teacher came over to them, offering them a smile, “She had a great day. She was a little upset at the beginning but as soon as we started learning she did a very good job.” 

“Yay! I’m so proud of you!” Emma exclaimed, running her hand through Aubrey’s hair gently. She turned her attention back to the teacher and sent her a grateful look, “Thank you so much.” 

“It’s no problem. She’s very much a pleasure to have,” the woman responded before she was pulled away by another student. 

As they walked out to the car, Paul asked, “Did you make any friends?” 

Aubrey shrugged, “No, not yet.” 

“But that’s okay, right? Did you talk to anyone?” 

“Yeah, we had to do groups. But I only liked a couple of them. Some of them were not being nice.” 

“Ah,” Emma replied, sending a small eye roll to Paul, making him laugh. “Well, did you learn anything?” 

“Nope. We just colored. And then we did some numbers but I already knew them,” Aubrey explained, a hint of pride in her eyes. 

Emma smiled at her, “That’s my girl.”

“Miss Andrews said that you have to do the papers in my folder, though! She said they’re important, so don’t forget!” 

“Okay, okay, we won’t forget,” Paul said as they approached the car. As he buckled her into her car seat he asked, “Did you have a good day, though?” 

Aubrey smiled sweetly up at him, “Yeah.” 

He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head, “Good.” 

As they were driving, Aubrey called up to them, “Hey Mommy?” 

“Yeah pumpkin?” 

“I don’t think kindergarten was that bad. Guess we don’t have to eat grass!” She said happily, grinning and showing her dimples in the rear view mirror.

“That’s good. Is that your way of telling us you want to go get chicken nuggets for dinner?” 

“Maybe!” 


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul employs the help of Aubrey to keep a secret from Emma. Aubrey isn't great at keeping secrets, especially exciting ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff, and more fluff. 
> 
> I've officially been publishing this fic for a year, which is truly the longest I've committed to anything. Thank you SO MUCH for reading and continuing to leave kudos and comments. It means the world!

"Okay, Aubs. I need you to keep a secret for me, okay?"

Paul had brought the little girl out for dinner, just them, while Emma was studying for a big test the next day. She needed peace and quiet, and having Aubrey, the girl who's love of singing was only triumphed by the love she had for her mother, at home was not peace and quiet.

More than that, he needed to ask her a question and get her opinion. It was the most important thing he would ever do, he thought.

"Ooooo, a  _ secret,"  _ Aubrey marveled, her voice lowering in volume, "What is it, Daddy!?"

"Hey, you have to promise me you aren't gonna tell Mommy, okay? It's very important that you don't, or else the surprise is gonna be ruined," Paul said seriously, really concerned that she was going to blow his cover. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to let her in on this when it was going to make her so excited, but it was too late.

She moved her fingers across her lips in a zipper motion, smiling mischievously, "I promise, Daddy. My lips are sealed."

Paul chuckled, shaking his head slightly. The kid was definitely a future actor, and he knew already he would have to sit through many a musical in his future. That was okay, though. She was worth it.

"Okay, so... I'm gonna ask Mommy to marry me. Is that okay?"

Aubrey nearly dropped the chicken finger she was holding in her fist, gasping dramatically, "Really?"

Paul nodded, smiling slightly, still trying to gauge her reaction.

"Of course that's okay! I can be a flower girl, and wear a pretty dress!"

"She has to say yes first, Aubs. But yes, you can wear a pretty dress," Paul chuckle, reaching out and squeezing her hand from across the booth, "But I need your help. I want you to be there, because you're such a big part of our lives, and it'll make it that much more special. And I have an idea for how I want to do it."

"Tell me, tell me!" Aubrey said excitedly, bouncing up and down in the booth. Her volume drew eyes towards her, and Paul immediately brought a finger up to his mouth to signal for her to be quiet.

"Okay, come here," Paul said, patting the seat next to him. She slithered out of her own seat and climbed up next to him, playing with his fingers as he leaned down and whispered his idea into her ear.

Once he was done, Aubrey excitedly patted his leg, "Daddy! That's a great idea! When!?"

"I was thinking next week, after you get out of school on Tuesday. I made reservations for dinner," Paul replied, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Did you buy a ring?" Aubrey whispered to him, as if that was the biggest part of the secret.

"Yes, but you can't see it yet. It's a surprise for you too," he murmured, laughing when her eyebrows furrowed in frustration, "I promise, it's worth waiting for."

"Okay. I guess that's okay," she said, snuggling into his side, "I love you."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I love you too, princess. Now, finish your dinner so we can bring something home for Mommy and cheer her on while she studies." 

He pulled her plate across the table and placed it in front of her. She went back to picking at her food, but he could see a glint in her eyes that he had to address.

"Remember, you can't tell Mommy. Please don't tell Mommy. She doesn't get many surprises and I'd like to surprise her," he emphasized.

"I got you, Daddy. Don't worry. I want Mommy to be surprised too," she said, her eyes not leaving her plate.

"That's my girl," he said, squeezing her to him slightly.

God, he hoped it would all go smoothly and Aubrey wouldn't let it slip. 

—

"Mommy!"

Tuesday had come, and Emma was picking Aubrey up from school. Paul had been weirdly nervous before he sent her to go get the child; he always picked her up on Tuesdays after he got off of work, but he asked her if she could go instead so he could tie up some loose ends at the office before they went to dinner.

He was always on edge to a certain degree, a factor of his anxiety, but he seemed even more so while she was talking to him on the phone. She brushed it off, mostly, but she kept it in the back of her mind.

"Hello, my darling," Emma said exaggeratedly in a fake, awful British accent, making the child giggle.

She bent down, enveloping Aubrey in her arms and scooping her up briefly. When she put Aubrey back down, took her hand, and started walking towards the parked car, she let out a huff of breath, "I'm sad that I can't carry you that often anymore, Aubs."

Aubrey shrugged, "It just means I'm growing good, Mommy. And... you're kinda short."

Emma let out a dry laugh as she got Aubrey buckled in, "Thanks baby."

"It's not a bad thing! It's true! Daddy can still carry me and he's taller than you!"

"Yeah, and Daddy goes to the gym sometimes too. I, however, do not, and I am not planning on doing so," Emma said, climbing into the car and buckling up herself. She began to get ready to start the car.

Aubrey giggled, "Good thing Daddy's gonna be in our life forever so he can carry me  _ forever _ , 'specially since he's gonna ask you to marry him tonight-"

Emma's breath hitched, and she immediately put the shifter back in park and took her hands off of the wheel. Aubrey gasped loudly, and she could see the child throw her hands over her mouth when she realized what she had said through the rear view mirror.

"Aubrey, w-what did you just say?" Emma asked, feeling as though her heart was going to pound out of her chest.

She had already been suspicious because of the fact that Paul had made dinner reservations for a random Tuesday in October, but it wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for him to want to do something special once in a while. It had never even crossed her mind that he could be doing it because he was going to fucking propose. 

"I can't tell you."

"Aubrey."

"It was s-supposed to be a surprise, and I-I ruined it! D-Don't tell Paul, Mommy. He'll be mad!"

Emma looked over her shoulder at Aubrey, who's bottom lip was trembling as tears built up in her eyes.

"Mommy, please don't tell Daddy. I d-don't want him to be mad at me," she mumbled, her tears spilling over.

Emma felt like the air had been knocked out of her. Paul was going to ask her to marry him? Today? She felt dizzy with what she thought was a mixture of panic at having to lie to Paul about knowing and elation at the prospect of a proposal.

She loved Paul so much. She really wanted to marry him. She knew she wanted to marry him for a long time.

Aubrey's wail broke her from her thoughts. The little girl cried out, "It was my one j-job and I m-messed it up!"

"Aubrey, honey, relax. It's okay. Daddy won't be mad, okay?"

"Yes he will! He said he really wanted it to be a surprise because you never get to have surprises, and I really wanted it to be a surprise too!" Aubrey said breathlessly.

Emma sighed, climbing out of the car and opening the back door up again. Aubrey unbuckled herself and threw herself into her mother's arms, burying her face into her shoulder, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Please still say yes."

"Baby girl, is that what this is about?" Emma asked, her chest aching. Aubrey nodded into her shoulder, so she spoke again, "Nothing could stop me from saying yes, unless I wasn't ready. And I am ready because I love Paul so much and I think we're ready to take this step as a family. Okay? Of course I'm still going to say yes."

"Daddy would be really sad if you didn't," Aubrey hiccuped, pulling away and wiping her eyes with her fists.

"I don't think Daddy would be the only one," Emma smiled knowingly as Aubrey nodded sadly, "Here, get buckled in again so we can go to dinner. I'll act so surprised, you're gonna forget you even told me."

As she climbed back into the driver's seat and started driving, she sucked in a deep breath.

She was about to put on the best performance of her life.

—

After dinner, the little family walked throughout the streets of downtown Hatchetfield, holding hands.

Aubrey was swinging her hands in between the two adults, pointing out lights on the buildings and different signs that she found interesting. Her slip-up earlier didn't seem to be weighing too heavily on her mind, which made Emma feel better; she didn't want her to feel too guilty.

"It really is pretty at night, huh, pumpkin?" Emma asked. She had never really appreciated the parts of Hatchetfield that were actually appealing. She was so focused on things that were negative that she never allowed herself to see the positives.

She wanted Aubrey to love where she lived, though. It wasn't as if they would be leaving any time soon.

"Mhm!" Aubrey hummed.

They had been walking for a while when Aubrey started giggling uncontrollably, Paul shushing her, trying to be discreet so she didn't notice. She pretended not to. Her mind was at a million different places at once. They were probably nearing where he was going to pop the question, and her heart started beating out of her chest.

She really hadn't been paying much attention to her surroundings, too distracted by her own internal thoughts, when Paul and Aubrey suddenly stopped beside her. Her attention was immediately drawn to them, drawn to the moment they were in. Her breath hitched in her throat when she realized where they were.

They were in front of the Hatchetfield Zoo. Right at the spot where Aubrey and Paul met for the first time. Of  _ course  _ this is where he would do it. She already felt like she was going to cry.

Paul took both of her hands in his and squeezed them tightly, Aubrey bouncing at his side excitedly. From the way the light hit, Emma could see the tears building up in his eyes.

"Emma," he started, his voice trembling with nerves, "I brought us here because this is the place where I-I felt we all became a f-family, and there's no other place I thought would be better to do this."

“You never let me be sappy, so I’m going to get it all out now,” he sucked in a shaky breath, "I love you so much, Em. Before you, I was just kinda floating through life, and not in a good way. There was nothing that I looked forward to, really. I just went to work, and I got coffee, and I went home, and went to bed. That’s it. But then I walked into Beanies for the first time, and there you were. And after a few weeks, everything just started to make sense. You became the thing I looked forward to. And Aubrey, Aubrey is just an added bonus of getting to love you, and I’m so, so grateful for her, and for you. Even though I was terrified at first to become this father figure, now it feels like it was meant to be. You didn’t have to let me into your life, and especially the life of your daughter, but you did, and you both became the most important things in my life.

"So, Emma Perkins," he said shakily, taking one of his hands and reaching it out for Aubrey to take before he knelt down onto one knee in front of them, "I want us to have this forever. And even if we didn't do this, I know that we would, but this just solidifies it. I love you more than anything. Emma, will you marry me?"

"Of course, you idiot," Emma choked out, wiping the few escaped tears off of her cheeks rapidly with her free hand before she fell into his arms, hugging him tightly.

She whispered into his ear, "Do you know this kid at all?"

He sighed heavily, "She told you, huh?"

"It was an accident. She didn't want me to tell you because she didn't want you to be mad, so don't bring it up right now. She was really upset," Emma murmured.

"I'm not mad. I just wanted it to be a surprise."

"I'm still surprised. This was perfect."

Their conversation was interrupted by Aubrey wrapping her arms around their necks. They pulled away from their hug to envelop her in one, simultaneously pressing kisses to her cheeks.

"Yay!" She yelled, her own eyes shining, "I love you, Mommy and Daddy."

"I love you so much, pumpkin," Emma murmured.

All the shit she had dealt with in her life suddenly seemed further away. The trauma was still there, and she was sure it always would be. She would always check three times behind her shoulder before pulling out of a parking spot. Her communication with her parents would probably never get much better, and she'd still be scared of them to a certain degree. She would always stand at Aubrey's door for a few moments, watching her sleep, just to make sure she was still there.

None of it would go away. But this family, her little girl and her now fiancé, wouldn't have come to her without any of it. She wouldn't say she was grateful for all that she'd been through because it had made her stronger, because she wasn't grateful, and she probably would've been strong enough without it. She wasn't grateful that her sister died and didn't have the chance to parent her own daughter, and she wasn't grateful that her parents were shitty to her.

But she loved Aubrey, and she loved Paul. And that love seemed to make her more solidly in the present, make everything else seem fuzzy and distant.

"The ring! The ring!" Aubrey called out as Paul shakily pulled the box from his pocket, flipping it open to present it to the girls.

"Oh my God, Paul. This is beautiful," Emma said breathlessly as he slid the ring onto her finger. It was very simple; just a plain white gold band with a small stone positioned at the top; but it was everything she could've wanted and more. 

They took a photo in front of the zoo gates, Aubrey holding Emma's left hand up to show it to the camera, all of their smiles the widest they had ever been.

As they were leaving and heading back to the car, Aubrey ran ahead of the two adults, who were walking with their hands intertwined. They laughed as they watched the little girl jump around in elation.

Paul played with her ring lightly, twisting it around her finger, "I like the feeling of that there."

"Me too," she replied softly. She looked up at him, and the amount of love in his eyes almost overwhelmed her. She stopped walking, standing up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips.

"I love you, Matthews. You're the second best thing to ever happen to me."

Paul laughed against her lips, and she murmured out, "Aubrey comes first of course. But you're a close runner-up."

"Good to know."

"I gotta keep your ego in check somehow." 

—

They both tucked Aubrey into bed that night. Usually, they took turns doing it, but they wanted to spend all the time they could together. There would never be another day that would be quite like the one they had just had.

They laid on either side of her in her bed, reading a book to her. She laid cuddled in between them, her head laying on Emma's chest and one of her hands fiddling with Paul's fingers.

As they finished the book, Paul closed it with a dramatic sigh and placed it on his chest. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple, "Y'know, Aubs, I could never be mad at you."

"Mommy, you said you weren't gonna tell him," Aubrey whined, looking up at her mother longingly.

"Listen to what he has to say."

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I was just excited," the little girl muttered, avoiding his gaze.

"I know, princess. I probably shouldn't have told you in the first place. That wasn't fair of me, to make you that excited about something and then make you keep it a secret, so I'm sorry too," he said.

"But I ruined the surprise," she mumbled, obviously disappointed in herself.

"That's okay, buddy. It didn't need to be a surprise for it to be special," Paul affirmed, "Right, Em?"

"Right," Emma said, smiling softly at her daughter, who just buried her head further into her mother's chest.

"Aubrey, really, it's okay!" Emma exclaimed, wrapping both arms around the child. She looked up at Paul, mouthing,  _ She feels really bad. _

"I'm so happy, Aubs, and Daddy is so happy, and I'm sure you're happy too, right? That's all that matters. Heck, we could've gotten engaged in a Home Depot and it would be special," Emma said, laying her head against her daughter's in a gesture of comfort.

Paul wrapped his arms around both of them, planting a kiss on the back of Aubrey's head, "That's for sure. Maybe I should've done it in Home Depot."

A giggle erupted from in between them, the melodious sound of Aubrey's happiness flooding to the adults and making them grin in turn.

"Not Home Depot! Maybe Target, that would be okay," Aubrey said.

"Target is pretty good," Emma confirmed, "Okay, baby girl, time to sleep."

"How can I sleep when I'm so excited!?"

Emma and Paul both slowly climbed out of the tiny bed, pressing kisses to her forehead in turn as they went. Paul added, "It's not like we're getting married tomorrow, Aubs. You have some time, you don't need to be too excited already."

"I can't help it," Aubrey said, snuggling down into her pillows and clutching her lemur in her arms.

Emma cupped the girl's face in her hand briefly, "I know it's exciting, but you have school tomorrow, and you have to be well-rested so you can tell everyone about your day today."

"Oh, you're right!"

"I always am."

Before Paul and Emma were out the door, Aubrey's eyes were closed.

Emma barely closed the door behind her before Paul captured her in his arms, kissing her deeply. She hummed in a mixture of surprise and happiness, kissing back with just as much rigor.

When they pulled away, both of them breathing deeply, Emma murmured out, "Emma Matthews-Perkins. I could get used to that."

He laughed breathily, "Any way I can convince you to drop the hyphen? Kinda wordy."

"Not likely, but I'll think about it."

He shrugged, "No pressure, just wondering. Hey, maybe I'll change my name to that too."

Emma chuckled, "Yeah right."

With that, they kissed again, and he picked her up and carried her to their bedroom.


End file.
